To think I'm not bolshy

[tryingtotakeitonboard]

So... wanting someone to settle an argument between me and DH.
DH has said that I’m bolshy and constantly on the war path with someone or another.
I think that I’m sticking up for myself and my family.
Just to clarify I never shout or swear or cause a scene, I feel I’m just confident and matter of fact.
A few examples...
Bought an object from a shop, got it home and it didn’t work. I took it back and got an exchange.
DH said he would have just chalked it up as one of those things and bought a new one.
DD had a medical issue. I felt that no one was listening or taking me seriously. I complained and got second opinions and they helped her with her issue.
DH said that doctors know best and I shouldn’t have thrown my weight around.
DH family member had carers visiting him for 2 hours a day. We found out they were doing 15 minutes and leaving. I complained to their head office and they rectified and sent new carers who stayed for the time they were paid for. DH said it was just one of those things and we were just unlucky so should have stuck with it until head office realised they were taking the piss and stepped in themselves.
We went to a restaurant and when the bill came they had double charged us for an item. I bought it up and they bought out the correct bill. DH said it was one of those things and not worth causing a scene over (a scene being a quiet word with the waiter)
I think he gets embarrassed when I stick up for myself or my family.
He would rather be ripped off or treated unfairly and not say anything or cause a scene or atmosphere.
Who is being unreasonable?

He is. I'm exactly the sam3 and my oartner hated it. Now he gets me to sort his issues out 😂

Ya bolshy

And you’re also brilliant!

I am the same as you though. I just see it as standing for what’s right 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m the exact same as you!

Your DH sounds utterly spineless. I would have no respect for someone who wouldn't fight for their child or who would let a relative receive inadequate care just so as not to make a fuss.

I can't stand people like your husband; they let the world walk over them when things can usually be rectified without a scene!
My FIL is the same it's infuriating.

Which lead to today...
I’ve been dealing with a large insurance company over the phone, who have specifically told me on 3 occasions how I need to claim for something. I checked and double checked with them, and they told me to submit claim via an email address.
I did what they asked me and they rejected the claim as I submitted it wrong (should have been an online form)
I complained and they ended up listening to the 3 previous phone calls and have concluded that I was told the wrong information.
They’ve apologised and are investigating.
DH has said that it’s just the way it is when dealing with large companies and when I realised the claim was submitted in the wrong way then I should have just submitted it the correct way, as told to me by the 4th member of staff!
I think that they are incompetent and should give people the correct information the first time round.

You sound fab, OP. Wish I could be more like you. I'm not assertive at all. I don't think any of your examples sound bolshy

Your husband sounds like a drip.

In what world is it normal to just accept being ripped off in practically every aspect of your life? It’s not ‘bolshy’ it’s just being an adult not too timid or spineless to stand up for themselves.

I’m exactly the same as you. My DH used to be like your DH. Until we were at a restaurant and they were horrendous. Once I’d sorted it all out he said he thought he needed to be more assertive as it’s ridiculous putting up with terrible treatment just to avoid a scene.

He’s much more ‘bolshy’ now too.

I also find it interesting how people think I’m ‘bolshy’ but if there’s a problem they WANT solved I’m the first fucker they call

@KitandPup that’s the word I was searching for... assertive!
I think that it’s normal to stand up for yourself and your family! He thinks it’s embarrassing and awkward.
His family are the same though. It infuriates me.
“Uncle bob’s carers haven’t been doing their job properly..,”
“Ok, and have you reported this?”
“No, it will sort itself out in the end” 🙄🙄🙄

Your DP is spineless.

LTB.

In that instance - while complaints are annoying for you, they genuinely are a learning opportunity for staff in contact centres (I should know, I work in one!). If you don’t complain, then the issue is never picked up and system failures are not resolved and staff are continuously doing the wrong thing.

In those instances it’s quite possible to complain without drama even when it won’t make a massive difference to you.

I'm the same with a quiet husband.
When our dd was born I knew something wasn't right and I kept on and on until somebody listened to me. Dh was cringing.
Eventually it turned out she had a cleft palate and aspiration pneumonia!
She was taken into intensive care and owner with her.
He text me later saying how grateful he was for my bolshiness

He's lucky to have you on his side. Not 'bolshy' at all.

You sound normal your DH sounds daft

You don't sound bolshy, OP, you sound assertive.

My DH is a bit like yours and puts up with things for an easy life as he hates confrontation.

I am more like you and am good at standing up for myself and getting things put right.

And I’m never rude or unpleasant.
Today on the phone I told the insurance company that I was very frustrated by the incorrect information I had been given on 3 occasions and that I felt they had wasted my time by getting me to submit a lengthy email when that was the incorrect protocol.
I think that’s factual and to the point no?

It does feel sometimes that I’m on the war path with someone most months!
But as an example, I got a disciplinary at work for something I hadn’t done a few years ago, a safe had been left unlocked overnight.
DH just said to take the disciplinary and move on. I kicked up a fuss, they got witness statements and cctv etc and realised it wasn’t me at all.
He would have just taken the blame for an easy life! Crazy.

I do exactly as you describe. I learnt long ago that I'm bolshy.

To me people who react like your husband are bizarre. I find it silly to whinge about an issue without trying to fix it, but I am definitely in a minority. I think it's probably much easier being passive, but I can't do it and neither should you.

The least hubby should do is support you.

Surely one of the reasons that CF-ery is so prevalent is that there are too many people like your DH, happy to put up with substandard service, not wanting to make a fuss, allowing himself to be walked over at every opportunity. All of the examples you cited sound completely reasonable to me - why would anyone put up with crap like that?

Last time I stayed in a Premier Inn the guy on reception told me I had only pre-booked and paid for breakfast for myself and I had to pay cash to cover the rest of my family's breakfasts. When I showed him the receipt stating I had pre-paid for the whole family he said it was an error and his computer system said I had not pre-paid. There was a good five to ten minutes of this to-ing and fro-ing until he finally backed down and admitted he could see that I had pre-paid for everyone. I did wonder how many people he was scamming by taking advantage of the fact that so many people don't want to make a fuss.

So bloody glad I’m not strange.
I just don’t like being ripped off, fobbed off, taken advantage of or treated unfairly!
Don’t think that’s weird!!!

I wish there was more people like you. People see being assertive as being bolshy but I see it as standing up for yourself . You can have a fairly robust conversation with someone and it doesn’t need to be classed as rude, however I think far the many people let people walk over them without doing anything about it.

It's not bolshy, it's doing what needs to be done. If you are accused of something and you haven't done it, why on earth would you accept that without a fight? Why pay for something you haven't had? I wouldn't hesitate to question any of these things and I would be disappointed if my husband undermined me on that, especially when it comes to getting proper care for our children and family members. Is he really embarrassed or is he just too lazy to deal with things himself?

Bolshy is, to me, being aggressive or dismissive in the way you speak to someone 'hey, you, sort this out immediately' type thing. Or demanding more than you've paid for or treating opinion as fact (eg eating all your steak in a restaurant then demanding another as the first wasn't cooked to your liking).

Being assertive is expecting fairness and getting what you've paid for and asking firmly and politely for any mistakes (factual not opinion or something not being to your liking) to be rectified.

Letting people eg care staff get away with sub standard work isn't good for the staff, the company, or more importantly the service users. Literally nobody wins in the long run if nobody says anything

If he'd ever worked in customer service he would know bolshy from reasonable!

Sounds like he’s the issue! You sound normal. He sounds like a bit of a wimp, to put it politely.