To think I'm not bolshy

[tryingtotakeitonboard]

So... wanting someone to settle an argument between me and DH.
DH has said that I’m bolshy and constantly on the war path with someone or another.
I think that I’m sticking up for myself and my family.
Just to clarify I never shout or swear or cause a scene, I feel I’m just confident and matter of fact.
A few examples...
Bought an object from a shop, got it home and it didn’t work. I took it back and got an exchange.
DH said he would have just chalked it up as one of those things and bought a new one.
DD had a medical issue. I felt that no one was listening or taking me seriously. I complained and got second opinions and they helped her with her issue.
DH said that doctors know best and I shouldn’t have thrown my weight around.
DH family member had carers visiting him for 2 hours a day. We found out they were doing 15 minutes and leaving. I complained to their head office and they rectified and sent new carers who stayed for the time they were paid for. DH said it was just one of those things and we were just unlucky so should have stuck with it until head office realised they were taking the piss and stepped in themselves.
We went to a restaurant and when the bill came they had double charged us for an item. I bought it up and they bought out the correct bill. DH said it was one of those things and not worth causing a scene over (a scene being a quiet word with the waiter)
I think he gets embarrassed when I stick up for myself or my family.
He would rather be ripped off or treated unfairly and not say anything or cause a scene or atmosphere.
Who is being unreasonable?

Your OH? Just one of those things. Why would he man upufor for anything if you're on full alert? It must be infuriating though, I couldn't live in harmony with him.

I think there are many people on MN that you could help. If the poster with the vets bill problem isn't sorted yet you could go sort them out, there are plenty of in-law problems you could help with, and many DPs you could go give a rocket up the backside, I'm sure there are many posters who would appreciate your help.

I can be the same as you sometimes. If double charged I'll mention it, but on the other hand if I notice something has been missed off a bill I'll mention it too etc.

You keep on being the way you are, it's when people don't stand up for what's right that nothing gets done, your DH needs to take a leaf out of your book sometimes.

Your fab babe not bolshy

You aren't bolshy at all, you just get on with things. He however is a big wet lettuce. He needs to learn to stop being a doormat.

Your dh sounds really wet.

Your DH is the epitomy of British lower middle class masculinity (or rather a lack thereof). Anyone who thinks you are being bolshy needs a reality check.

I would say that's assertiveness. I hate the term bolshy. It's along the same lines as bossy. And usually applied to assertive women. I can't see a man being described in this way.

So YANBU. But you are confident and assertive NOT bolshy.

I get this too. I'm assertive but always polite. I don't lose my temper or swear but i stand my ground.
DH hates making a fuss and avoids confrontation at all costs.
There's nothing wrong with not being walked over.

He is pretty wet.
Luckily he’s a lovely generous man, a great dad, and doesn’t tend to give me a hard time about anything!
I think him being so laid back that he’s horizontal is good in lots of ways, but awful for rectifying situations!
Just wanted to check I wasn’t being unreasonable for feeling like I’m constantly arguing with one company or another!
I think it’s been even harder lately as we’ve moved house, so I’ve had solicitors that weren’t doing what they should be, removals company that double booked themselves, metre readings that were wrong so we were being charged for previous owners gas, a gardening company that did a days work and then couldn’t fit us in to finish the job for 3 weeks so we lived in a mud bath and our post not being redirected properly when we’d paid for it!!!

Another one the same as you! As you said, I don’t shout or swear, but will make my point and stand up for myself. Equally, I will always give good feedback when deserved and also point out any mistakes in my favour, eg something being missed off a bill.

Yes you are bolshy, and it's a bloody good thing!

Your DH on the other hand sounds like a complete door mat. He might as well have "wipe your feet here" printed on him...

Ooohhh yes, I always give good feedback and reviews if deserved.
I praise good companies to everyone I know.
As I do with great restaurants, customer service etc.
I always thank people that have been helpful when I’ve dealt with them and compliment them on how fantastic they’ve been.
The insurance man dealing with my complaint today was great. He apologised for the wrong info I was given, acknowledged how frustrating I must have found it, told me he would look into this and helped me with clear instructions of what the next steps would be.

I am similar to you but although I know I am right I must say my OH has given me a complex. Not that I now feel wrong but more that I don't want him making out that I am a constant nag, moaner. When I really am not! He just hates anything that disturbs his quiet life or makes him take stock of his own shortcomings (to which there are many)! Its awful though every little thing I just get another dig from him & then it seems like the next thing is more noticeable. Obviously that doesn't help then as we end up fueding too. So do feel like I am getting it from every angle & he makes out like it must just be me!!

Tell him that women being bolshy is just 'one of those things' that he needs to suck up in life.

I was going to say that this is another word (bolshy) reserved for assertive women that doesn't get applied to men. Same as bossy. Someone has beaten me to it

Sounds like he doesn't like confrontation. My DP is the same. Annoys me no end. He'll moan and moan ... But to me, not to whoever could put the situation right! It took me a few years to realise that he'll just take the path of least resistance and if I want something doing to my standards, I need to sort it out.

"Bolshy" to me is aggressive rather than assertive though, the type of person who gets through to a call centre and immediately demands to speak to a manager.

I would go right off sex with a man like that.

It comes with age.

Not giving a fuck, that is. It's a good thing.

What I hate about people like this is that it forces their partner to be strong, and then they are blamed for being strong.

He's much better off living with you, because you do all the strong work. You're less lucky

DianaPrinceess, I agree. Op your dh is a drip.

I'm starting to think the same, pigeon de jour....

Yanbu

He sounds so wet...Do you actually fancy him still?

Your husband’s pathetic attitude is how the Nazis came into power.

He sounds a proper clit shriviller.

You don't sound 'bolshy' (ridiculous word). You sound perfectly normal. It's how the majority of people behave.

Your husband, on the other hand, sounds pretty pathetic. The idea of letting a loved one's medical issues go unchallenged/unchecked just for a quiet life is horrifying.

You dh sounds like a push over! I'm not confrontational but I don't see what your doing as confrontational at all. All youhave done is look after your family and refuse to waste money I see nothing wrong with that! No one has to accept bad service as long as you are polite (which you seem to be) call out when companies get things wrong is absolutely the correct thing