To ask if my DH’s inconsistency about food needs to stop?

[JontyDoggle37]

Tonight I have cooked cheesy bean enchiladas. He has eaten and enjoyed them before (I know, because I’ve written the recipe into my cooks notebook - anything that gets ‘the face’ on first eating doesn’t make it that far). I’m a pretty good home cook, so I’m not serving up burnt offerings. But TONIGHT he decides that said enchiladas are ‘problematic’ because they don’t contain any beef. They have never contained beef at any point we have previously eaten them. The recipe is really tasty (I’m fairly critical of my own food, if I thought it was crap I wouldn’t mind).
This happens often - meal previously eaten is now not ok, for a variety of reasons. Also, if I introduce a new meal, it must not be ‘too green’ or he won’t eat it at all - I.e. more than one v small portion of a green vegetable on the plate. Broccoli, spinach and carrots would be unthinkable. He claims this is because he doesn’t like too many vegetables - but if I produce a meal full of red and orange vegetables (carrots, peppers, red onions, red potatoes) he will eat the lot (unless we’re having one of those days where he suddenly doesn’t like it anymore). AIBU to choke him with a fish slice the next time he comes out with one of his ‘pronouncements’? For context, he cooks 2 x a week (under pressure) and I am always expected to say how tasty/amazing it is.. (I did once suggest his repertoire was getting boring and he needed to expand, he met this with extreme injury and disdain)

treat the next tactic with the same cheerful indifference

This. I'd say 'Oh dear, never mind' and carry on eating the next time. Not another word.

My DH is the same, it used to cause me all sorts of heartache. Pretty much now he cooks for himself (and for the kids when I'm at work) and on Sunday or on occasions, we all eat the same meal.

I don't know why a meal would be OK and then if I'd make it again he'd say he'd "gone off" it. I just think if he didn't fancy that particular thing he'd say that but not actually care about the time I'd put in to make it or how insensitive that was. He is not controlling in any other way. But this used to be the cause of many rows. I don't like that we do not share the same food tastes and that he is extremely awkward when it comes to food but I just turn a blind eye now. Pisses me off even thinking about it.

Some people are whinyarses about food and nothing else, true. The friend who is on one stupid fad diet after another, the person who thinks that being gluten-free or vegan makes them special and interesting (OK, before you all start shitting with rage, I'm not referring to coeliacs or even vegans in general, just those who are massive attention-seekers), the one who won't eat 'fancy' food and moans and sulks and pulls faces if other people are eating something spicy/complicated/not beige.

But someone who behaves like this man is interested in bullying his partner, not so much in what is actually available to eat.

Someone that I know says that foods he previously liked but now,for some reason,doesn't,are 'unsuitable'. WTAF is that supposed to mean?!

Christ. What a massive baby. If he doesn't want it, tell him "you don't have to eat it." And leave him to it.

With DS, I offer him a yoghurt or piece of toast instead, and if he doesn’t want that either he can get down from the table and play while I finish mine. I never reward the tantrum with any attention, or try to persuade him to eat it as that just encourages him.

DS is 18mo, I would assume your DH is a little older than that but since the behaviour is the same you might want to try the same approach.

@Justabouthadituptohere perhaps you don't realise it but the OP is talking about one individual man.

Try telling him 'Don't be such a fusspot!' and then continue eating your dinner 😂😂😂

DSS11 is really annoying with food, has so many dislikes which change on a daily if not hourly basis.
But I can see where he gets it from sometimes with his dad, ill ask what he wants for tea "anything" "what about X"
"no I don't fancy that" grrrrr.
I decided to make a fruit pie last week "get cherries, I don't like apple pie"
I could not find any cherries, so told him I wasn't going to bother "you should have got apples, I'd have eaten it". He's a twat, I think they both get confused between liking a food and it being one of their favourites, if that makes sense?
If I "don't like" a food it means I can't physically eat it as I can't stand the taste. Not that I'd eat it, but it's a bit meh.

Why are you allowing him to be so rude about your cooking.
My partner tediously has the palate of a toddler but I wouldnt like him being rude to me or rejecting critically like that. Its not a fucking restaurant

I don’t see the problem with him refusing to cook on his two days. Surely you just cook for yourself the days you cook, and save his rejected portion for the two days you are out.

I would not be cooking for this person. End of.

Wow. Just wow. Stop cooking for him!!!!

plus toddler, DH

At the risk of being a grammar pedant, I think that you have a stray comma in this list, it should be toddler dh .

I think he thinks he should be able to eat exactly what he fancies every meal time instead of just eating a dinner that has been made.

Do you guys meal plan? I'd get him to agree on shopping day what you will eat each evening and write it on a calender. Then there's no discussion - we agreed this was Tuesday's meal remember? If he even starts to complain.

Good luck. The last thing anyone wants is face pulling when they've been cooking.

I would go down the disinterested route. Don’t throw the food away if you can freeze it and eat it yourself another day.
Just look bored and say “well you know where the cereal is” and carry on eating.
Don’t engage and don’t let it bother you.
If he doesn’t cook on his days then get his rejected meal out of the freezer and eat that.

So your cooking gets ‘the face’ from him? Are we talking about an adult here and not a child?

You have no option but to stop pandering to him. He is behaving like a total tool and the sooner you change the way you react to his “faux fussiness” the better.

Next time you get ‘the face’ just point him in the direction of the cooker/larder/fridge/freezer/takeaway menu and let him arrange his own meal. I don’t know how you can put up with this shit.

It’s not about him being a fussy eater or changing his mind about food, it’s the cold hard fact that he isn’t the one who spent the time and effort preparing it and thinks he can demand what he likes esp as he’s got away with it before. Read up on the nigella/saatchi food tantrums where he refused her lovely cooking for weetabix. It was designed to be hurtful and knock her confidence. Cruel behaviour.

YABU to ruin a good fish slice on him. Good luck!

I had this from my dp, one too many comments about my cooking, and that was the final straw
I cleared him his own cupboard and shelf in the fridge and proceeded to sort myself out
Once he realised i meant it, he started food shopping and catering for
Himself for first time in years
It was a good lesson !!

Throw the whole husband away.

Practically speaking, draw up an evening meal plan ahead so he knows exactly what is being cooked, by whom and when. Makes shopping easier and he cannot then complain a meal is “problematic” as he knows about it before hand.

Interesting that if you don't pander he will start refusing to cook on his two nights. How would this happen? I mean, you'll be out, will he not give the children any dinner or what?

It is also interesting that you give a flying fuck about the enchildada beef comment or the green veg. You seem to go to a lot of trouble to be absolutely certain he never ever feels even a tiny bit grumpy. Why is that?

Seriously though. You don’t ‘need’ him to cook on his two nights so don’t let the threat of that stopping stop you from addressing this. Make extra next time you cook and freeze it then defrost it during the day on the days he’s meant to cook, or get some really easy meals in (beans on toast) or those nice versions of pot noodles (supermarkets do them, like the Itsu ones), even a bowl of cereal is fine as an evening meal after a busy day.

Is he like this with other aspects of life?

For crying out loud! We are talking about a grown man here? Of normal mental and physical health?

Why pander to all this shite?
Everyone has a couple of things they don't like yes, me beetroot,DH sweet corn but other than that, if that's what's been cooked that's what there is. Worrying he might get grumpy because a dinner is "too green"?
Tbh this says more about your relationship and your DH than it does about your cooking.

Yes, it's the idea that if you don't do what he wants - including pandering to his dietary whims and caprices - he will refuse to cook when it's his turn, that is really strange and worrying here. Why would that follow?

You both cook, you both do your best when it's your turn, you should both take reasonable feedback on anything really disliked or unpleasant, while being generally pleasant and polite.

You don't need to get upset about anything. Matter of fact, cheerful and on to the next thing.

Why would that not work? Surely it's the answer to that question that's your problem here, not his unpredictable food preferences.