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AIBU?

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Original poster

CAN I PLEASE SHOUT OUT THAT NOT EVERYONE ACCOMPANYING A PERSON WITH SN IS THEIR FRIEND OR CARER????

95 replies

hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 11:00

Am not in the UK at the moment but this happens everywhere! I wrote 3 months ago about nearly being taken advantage of on Hampstead heath. I am very petite and have an obvious disability. People mistake me for 15 a lot of the time. I go alone a lot and yes I ask for help when needed. 9 times out of 10 the person i am with gets mistaken for someone i know. During open house london at the treasurery i think it was, a woman at security asked someone i had met in the queu to move things around in my bag, where i had valuables. I was livid and reported it.

Wednesday, a lady in her 50s was trying to do something off, and I knew. We went into a supermarket, where i said i was fine and would like to be left alone. I had met woman on road with nobody around and she would not leave me alone and not even pretend calling a friend worked. She told supermarket I was lost and she was taking me to her house..She made me buy food for her and checkout girl give her the change. I said give the change to me. She gave me wrong amount. She eventually left, but the checkout girl ran after her asking where I live....

So can I PLEASE, PLEASE bring to EVERYONES attention that not everyone is my carer, my friend etc. PLEASE! I literally got robbed in plain sight but i was "lost" and the kind robber was helping me by taking me to her house.....

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 21/09/2018 12:27

'And its not just with me. Happens to other people with sn.'

Absolutely

I'm autistic and usually seem ok to others in public but if I get flustered and struggle to find words/act as expected I can see people casting their eye around for anyone who might be a carer and then talking to them rather than me, as though I'm a huge problem to be solved.
When in reality it's taken me maybe 15 seconds to get my head around complying with an instruction.

Junior colleagues have been placed in this role which is quite humiliating.

Far better to ask the person concerned what their needs are.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:31

Do any of you know of any assertiveness training classes? Hopping you do make a good point. But i dont multitask well under circumstances like this and she was constantly distracting me with her questions and i was trying to get my bearings stay safe and get away.

If i didnt answer her she would get more aggressive. I said at one point i cant answer, and this was not yet in supermarket and she became very agressive. She asked me my surname so i made one up

OP posts:
Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:35

SuperLoud, I understand. Believe me. Flowers

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/09/2018 12:39

I think the suggestions that the OP be more 'assertive' are really rude, TBH.

We have no idea how 'assertive' she may be.

I have seen this from the other side - when my granny was dying of brain cancer, I would often take her shopping and she could become very agitated if she thought I was there to steal her money, or she didn't remember who I was. I could easily have looked like someone taking advantage of a vulnerable elderly person. I was never actually challenged, but thinking about that makes me see how very easily someone could carry off this sort of trick. 'Oh, she's confused, she does this all the time, bless her, see how disabled she is ...'. And that would just play into a lot of people's assumptions about people with disabilities.

I don't know whether this is true of the OP, but it would be true of some people.

PretendIWasNeverHere · 21/09/2018 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youlethergo · 21/09/2018 12:44

That is awful.

Also horrendous is the assumption that a disabled parent is not the 'real' parent. When out in a wheelchair, I lost count of the times that people assumed I was abducting my own toddler.

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 12:48

There are some very naive people on this thread saying what you should do, or what they (think) they would have done

I’d go further than naive tbh, because they’re clearly discounting what OP has said throughout and dismissing her experience and blaming her.

Ignorant and rude.

diddl · 21/09/2018 12:51

That is despicable.

Both what she did & that staff automatically believed that you were lost & she was helping.

Why then would you be buying her shopping???

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:51

Then go, :( society does need a wake up call sometimes

OP posts:
PretendIWasNeverHere · 21/09/2018 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 13:03

Pretend that app sounds GREAT! Can you pm please?

OP posts:
StripySocksAlways · 21/09/2018 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seafret · 21/09/2018 13:08

Wow Kitty I am so sorry that his happens to you. Some people are beyond awful. Thank you for making me aware and yes we do need a wake up call.

Do you think a charity like the RNIB or SCOPE could help to you with strategies to deal with such people and supply an alarm maybe? I really hope so.

ektomarie · 21/09/2018 13:10

Have you tried just screaming police police someone call the police and really shout so everyone’s attention is on the situation?

Then when that person insists they know you, tell the crowd - ask her what my name is and where I live... given her a fake name, as you say you’ve already done.

Produce a photo document like a license or passport copy to the crowd to prove that’s not your name and the person is not your carer.

Do you have any picture ID in Greek, or can you get one?

Charliethefeminist · 21/09/2018 13:10

Thanks for raising awareness. I had no idea this was an issue. I hope you're OK. Great thread.

teaandtoast · 21/09/2018 13:16

'There are some very naive people on this thread saying what you should do, or what they (think) they would have done.'

No idea if you include me in that, but I responded to the original information, as did others. It came out later in the thread that kitty was VI.

steff13 · 21/09/2018 13:19

Did you read the part where the staff ignored OPs requests for help?

I think the poster was questioning why the OP handed over the money for the shopping.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 13:21

Sea a panic alarm might be a great idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 13:23

Toast, more than anything i want for people to be aware of these things.

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 21/09/2018 13:24

Bejazzled "Op sounds like a pain in the ass"

Huh? Confused

UpstartCrow · 21/09/2018 13:24

hellokittymania

You can buy a loud personal alarm on Ebay for around £3 - £7, but I dont know how much help it would be if you are partially sighted. You have to pull out a pin to sound the alarm, and put it back in to make it go quiet - and the hole is very small and not easy for me to find with my eyes shut.
Also, there are 3 tiny screws to change the battery. I couldn't do that with my eyes shut either.

To all the people minimising and saying 'why didn't you' - you have no idea what you are talking about. Put on a blindfold and see how you manage while doing your shopping, never mind about when you are being robbed.

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 13:24

I think the poster was questioning why the OP handed over the money for the shopping.

Again, dismissing what OP was saying. Maybe she felt intimidated, maybe the fact that the staff ignored her meant she was too scared to speak up, maybe instead of questioning the actions of the person being targeted people should stop insinuating the situation was her fault and listen?

bruffin · 21/09/2018 13:25

Pretend that app sounds GREAT! Can you pm please

its not an ap, its part of the inbuilt security on the phone. on android go to

settings
advance features
send sos messages
then you have various options of which contacts and what sort of message including turning on audio or pictures.

i can also access this from my samsung gear fit pro 2 watch

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 13:26

Insomniac i think she or he forgot a comma. Its all good.

OP posts:
Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 13:31

Upstart, oh. Might not be so good as i have dexterity issues so working with small pieces may not be ideal

Does anyone know security thing for the iphone

OP posts: