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AIBU?

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Original poster

CAN I PLEASE SHOUT OUT THAT NOT EVERYONE ACCOMPANYING A PERSON WITH SN IS THEIR FRIEND OR CARER????

95 replies

hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 11:00

Am not in the UK at the moment but this happens everywhere! I wrote 3 months ago about nearly being taken advantage of on Hampstead heath. I am very petite and have an obvious disability. People mistake me for 15 a lot of the time. I go alone a lot and yes I ask for help when needed. 9 times out of 10 the person i am with gets mistaken for someone i know. During open house london at the treasurery i think it was, a woman at security asked someone i had met in the queu to move things around in my bag, where i had valuables. I was livid and reported it.

Wednesday, a lady in her 50s was trying to do something off, and I knew. We went into a supermarket, where i said i was fine and would like to be left alone. I had met woman on road with nobody around and she would not leave me alone and not even pretend calling a friend worked. She told supermarket I was lost and she was taking me to her house..She made me buy food for her and checkout girl give her the change. I said give the change to me. She gave me wrong amount. She eventually left, but the checkout girl ran after her asking where I live....

So can I PLEASE, PLEASE bring to EVERYONES attention that not everyone is my carer, my friend etc. PLEASE! I literally got robbed in plain sight but i was "lost" and the kind robber was helping me by taking me to her house.....

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 21/09/2018 11:37

This might be a patronizing solution, and I'm sorry if it is, but could you keep a laminated card in your pouch that you could, in this instance, have handed to Customer Services, saying something along the lines of:

"I am a fully competant adult but fear someone is trying to take advantage of me. Could you please get security to help. If you want proof I am not in the care of this person please ring NUMBER"

And include the number of a friend who can vouch that you've had problems before.

It shouldn't be necessary, but I can see someone being really convinving that you can't be let out by yourself and that the shopkeepers (or whoever) should ignore anything you say. If you're prepared with something then hopefully they'll be more willing to take your side.

Of course, the easier alternative, you be similar to the above but include your name and have the card ask your "carer" what your name is.

Any news of your future guide dog? Could you request a German Shepherd and ask him to be trained to growl at persistant people for you?

Beeziekn33ze · 21/09/2018 11:37

Trying to understand why you bought the woman food and wondering what country you are in.
Having her trying to take you to her home sounds scary, was she in a car?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/09/2018 11:39

But I still don't understand how she made you buy her food - why did you even get your money out? Why did you not point blank refuse at that point?

I'm sorry if I'm being dense, I just don't understand why you went along with it, even if the till staff refused to listen to you - unless the woman physically helped herself to your money and you were unable to prevent her?

PositivelyPERF · 21/09/2018 11:39

That’s actually horrific. I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP. I hope you put in a written complaint to the supermarket and police. 💐

My youngest in at risk of being kidnapped by her birth parents and their associates. She’s 23 but looks like a young teenager and has SN. Every time she goes out with her college I am anxious, though I wouldn’t tell her that. I’ve told her to scream and tell any high passing by that she doesn’t know them. Unfortunately I honestly think people will just think she’s ‘acting out’.

Her scumbag father and his creepy girlfriend have already tried to take her from college grounds, but thankfully her bus driver was there and threatened them with the police. I know she is terrified of them taking her, but thankfully college is aware.

I can’t even imagine how anxious and angry it must make you feel, as an adult that just wants to be left in peace and not taken advantage of. Would it help if you wore a jacket camera and pointed it out to anyone hassling you? It wouldn’t solve the immediate problem but might make them back off quicker.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/09/2018 11:40

OP - sorry, I see you're in Greece.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 11:41

Pudding she wouldnt leave me alone, physically she had a grip o n me and im 36 kg. i just wanted her away from me.she was asking lots of questions, where did i do my shopping, how did i pay, what floor was i staying on... she said i had to buy her things and did i have money. Before we were in the supermarket we were on a deserted road.

OP posts:
LoveAGoodChat · 21/09/2018 11:46

Op you need to be assertive in the situations you don't want help, if people are touching you, or your belonging or money and won't stop, ask them firmly a couple of times, and if they still won't stop, take out your mobile phone and call the police and explain you are a person with disabilities and you were going about your normal business when a stranger has started harassing you and won't go away...if they take your phone and won't let you call the police scream and draw public attention to the situation and ask someone to call the police for you...you need to get assertive and not let complete strangers do this to you

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 11:50

Abroad, she got me there. I was thinking of my safety more than anything. At least the supermarket know if she goes in there again with someone, she is up to something. It was quite scary and she was very intimidating

OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 21/09/2018 11:52

Sorry that is awful. Could you carry a personal alarm? I was thinking about laminated card too. The trouble is I suppose that they may use your disability to their advantage saying to the assistant that you don't remember or don't know what you are saying and the assistant would believe them.
I suggest that you get to know staff by going to a regular place. That you meet with the Manager and ask her / him to make staff aware that you can manage and that people are sometimes bothering you. Could you have a photo so staff recognise you and a alert word if you are in trouble? In a cafe by using somewhere regular staff will get to know you. It might not be ideal but u till you get your confidence back. Maybe a card with you ID and something on the back to say you are being taken advantage of and you are frightened. Make lots so you always have one.

Bejazzled · 21/09/2018 11:54

Op sounds like a pain in the ass

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 11:54

Time, I dont think guide dogs are trained to growl Grin

And i get so upset during these things, a card would be a good idea. In different languages of course.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 21/09/2018 11:55

Actually you’ve just reminded me. Last week I stopped my car to offer a young woman a lift to her house, as she was struggling with her little dog and had obvious mobility problems. I explained that I was actually going to a client’s house, directly across from her. I knew her from seeing her out and about with her dog and had passed the time of day with her before. I’d also noticed her in her garden. I promise I’m not a creepy stalker, but a dog sitter that adores dogs, so always notice people with them. She has a particularly cute one.

The poor woman actually lied to me, about where she lived and looked really anxious, as she didn’t recognise me at first. It was only while I chatted to her about the neighbor I was visiting, that she suddenly remembered me and was very grateful for the lift. She actually apologised for trying to mislead me and explained that she has had some awful experiences of people trying to take advantage of her. I’m a frumpy looking middle aged woman and it was so sad that she had so many bad experiences with so many different people, that she couldn’t feel safe when I approached her. As a NT woman I grew up suffering from the manipulation and abuse from males. To have to grow up being afraid of being manipulated and abused from men AND woman, is unimaginable.

OP, I know the apple watches are expensive, but they have the benefit of having an sos system, when you can discreetly phone the police and they will become aware that you are in danger and where you are going, from listening to the conversation.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:00

Bow where can i buy a personal alarm? And there are sick people who would use disability to their advantage. Thats why i want to raise awareness

OP posts:
teaandtoast · 21/09/2018 12:01

Sounds awful.

Next time (I hope there isn't), could you accidently step really hard on the woman's toe and then walk off while she's hobbling about?
Apologies if that's stupid. You said she was really intimidating.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:07

Positively, there are lovely people out there. I know my fair share. But i suspect there are plenty of bad things too that go unreported or unnoticed. The woman was asking what floor i lived on?? I dont know greek for none of your business but i will learn

OP posts:
Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:10

Do the apple watches work anywhere for the police?

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 12:11

I’m sure Apple watches can make phone calls, so they should do.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/09/2018 12:12

Oh no Kitty, that is awful. They see someone with a disability and take advantage. Or they pretend they are with you, and rob you. Flowers

HoppingPavlova · 21/09/2018 12:14

That all sounds terrible and I imagine soul destroying when these things happen. I’m sorry these things have happened and are happening to you.

Having said that you need to take some steps to up your assertiveness. Even though it seems you have somehow tried to explain I still have no idea why you purchased the woman’s shopping. While she may have been able to physically harass you due to disparity in size once you were at the register with an staff member you didn’t have to pay. Tell her the woman has forced you to the register. Insist a manager is called. Insist the police are called. Don’t take no for an answer. Just don’t. Do you have a phone? If everyone is being obstructive call the police at the register if necessary, explain the situation to them, that no one will assist you, you are in physical danger and need assistance. Get yourself some strategies to swing into place when you do (unfortunately) experience these problems.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 21/09/2018 12:19

But can it track you as well hen. im visually impaired and have been taken to areas where i have no clue where i am. Lady was also asking me to look at her and describe her. When i first met her. Didnt think anything of it but of course i couldnt except her red top

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 12:20

If you have an iPhone it can, because of find my iPhone (I think it needs to be switched on manually).

It’s horrible that you’re even having to think this way. Why is it always the people who haven’t done any wrong that need to come up with ways to protect themselves?

It should be up to the awful people taking or trying to take advantage not to do it!

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/09/2018 12:21

Sorry Kitty I didn’t mean that to read like you’re doing wrong, it just angers me that you have to because of these arseholes.

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 21/09/2018 12:22

bloody hell kitty that's frightening
I would have both a card and a rape alarm
stay safe

HalfDivided · 21/09/2018 12:25

I don’t understand why you bought the food? She couldn’t make you Confused

TanteRose · 21/09/2018 12:25
Sad kitty that’s awful It’s good that you are making people aware of this
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