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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she BU to leave DD upstairs while she goes to the shop?

70 replies

l0stmummy · 19/09/2018 09:18

Asking for a friend (no, really!). I think she is being unreasonable but she's adament she isn't. Friend lives a street away, above a supermarket. She has a 9mo and will often leave her in her crib to go down to the shop. She's never more than 5 minutes apparently, it's usually just to grab something quickly. She says it's no different to being at the end of a garden. There is two locked doors between her DD and anyone outside (except two neighbours.)

I told her it takes seconds for an accident to happen. But she thinks what she's doing is perfectly fine. Is she being unreasonable or am I?

OP posts:
Neverender · 19/09/2018 09:22

There's no way I would do that.

MermaidUnicorn · 19/09/2018 09:25

Jesus no.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/09/2018 09:25

YANBU. Any thing can happen in a couple of seconds never mind a couple of minutes.Shock.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 19/09/2018 09:26

YANBU. I would never do that.

Namechangingagainjustbecause · 19/09/2018 09:26

I think any situation where you have to lock two doors between yourself and your 9 month old to go do a chore is unreasonable

adaline · 19/09/2018 09:27

She has a point in that it's no different to someone in a two storey house being in the garden hanging the washing out.

But for some reason it doesn't sit right with me.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 19/09/2018 09:29

If something happened to her in the supermarket, would anyone know there was a baby alone in the flat? She could faint and be taken to hospital.
I know it's super unlikely but still, not really worth the risk imo

Polkadot1502 · 19/09/2018 09:29

I wouldn't do that either, takes seconds for an accident to happen and also what if she locks herself out? Yanbu

Coldhandscoldheart · 19/09/2018 09:29

A long, long time ago, I was out with the district nurses. We went to visit a lady who had done exactly this.
The response was sympathetic (she really had just nipped to the shop,) and she was back in five minutes. But that was a long five minutes of that baby crying.
The DN felt obliged to phone the HV, I don’t think there was any SS input, but it was noted.
Perhaps she/you could time her, for how long it actually is. Because I bet it’s at least five minutes.

ScattyCharly · 19/09/2018 09:31

My ds could climb out of his cot at 10 months, even though base was in lowest setting. What she’s doing is dangerous, yes.

luckylavender · 19/09/2018 09:32

I wouldn't do it but I know plenty who have

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/09/2018 09:32

I would usually say no that's not acceptable in cases where someone leaves a baby to go to the shop but I'm not sure here.

If the baby is fast asleep in her cot and the woman is just grabbing one or two items and locks her door I think it could be ok.

covetingthepreciousthings · 19/09/2018 09:32

YANBU, what is so urgently needed from the shop that it can't wait to take baby with her?

AlevelConfusion · 19/09/2018 09:33

If the shop is just downstairs, why doesn't she take the baby with her?

SLL · 19/09/2018 09:34

Totally unreasonable. What could she possibly need so urgently that she can't wait until baby is awake and take her with her!! No way it takes "Just" five minutes to lock up two doors, go downstairs, look for what she wants, pay for it (what if there is a queue?), go back upstairs and through two locked doors again and back to baby.

Very different to hanging out washing in a house with all the doors open in my humble opinion.

I know almost certainly nothing would happen, but what if it did? Sometimes freak accidents happen. If a fire started just as she left... makes me go cold just thinking about it.

Lana1234 · 19/09/2018 09:36

Agree with pp. Why can’t she wait until she goes out with the baby to get stuff from the shop? Nothing is that urgent surely

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/09/2018 09:38

Of course it could take 5 minutes to go downstairs and buy something from the shop. If there's nobody there it would be less.

xJessica · 19/09/2018 09:41

No, just no. I felt twitchy even nipping to the washing line with my daughter playing in the travel cot in the living room and I could see her if I went a few steps closer to the house. Anything could happen in that time!

Abra1de · 19/09/2018 09:49

If thé baby was sound asleep, not mobile and it really was just five minutes, I would have done this.

It isn’t clear cut. It depends on the area, the baby, the neighbors, the efficiency of the supermarket till staff, etc.

crispysausagerolls · 19/09/2018 09:50

YANBU I would never do this

Wheresthel1ght · 19/09/2018 10:02

Your "friend" is a bloody fool.

This would be classed as neglect and child endangerment and a possible case for a child protection order with ss.

BouleBaker · 19/09/2018 10:08

I live in a townhouse and would go downstairs to do laundry when the Holden were sleeping as babies. I was 2 floors away and couldn’t hear them. I would go back up every 10 minutes or so. Is that better or worse?

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 19/09/2018 10:12

No. Just not worth it. The possibilities for something going wrong and the repercussions of these are too high.
All it would take is for her to loose her door key, door to stick and not open, her to fall over or be involved in an incident, social services would not see that as a freak accident (like it would be if she was at the end of the garden). She would be seen an negligence, and she would be.

Alpacanorange · 19/09/2018 10:15

I would not do this, no one would know her baby was alone if anything happened to her, no one would have access to two locked doors, babies cry therefore a crying baby would not be an alert that it could potentially be alone.

Sleepykate · 19/09/2018 10:16

YANBU! But she definitely is!

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