Is she BU to leave DD upstairs while she goes to the shop?

[l0stmummy]

Asking for a friend (no, really!). I think she is being unreasonable but she's adament she isn't. Friend lives a street away, above a supermarket. She has a 9mo and will often leave her in her crib to go down to the shop. She's never more than 5 minutes apparently, it's usually just to grab something quickly. She says it's no different to being at the end of a garden. There is two locked doors between her DD and anyone outside (except two neighbours.)

I told her it takes seconds for an accident to happen. But she thinks what she's doing is perfectly fine. Is she being unreasonable or am I?

Can't see where the risk is.

And asda will deliver shopping just the next day too.

Probably not okay from a SS point of view but I can’t get too worked up over it personally. People who really harm their child do/don’t do far worse things.

duke
There would be in all likelihood very different repercussions. You know that to be the case.

I don’t need you or anyone else on here to try and intellectualise or rationalise something that to me is easily distinguishable From a mistake or accident in that this is a needlessly cavalier and avoidable choice. Leaving a baby alone in a locked house to go to any shop will never be viewed as responsible parenting by social services or any professionals and nor should it be.

The fact that the flat is above the shop Is a red herring. This is not the same as leaving a baby upstairs while you go downstairs to do something. After locking the door the mother has to lock the communal door and access the street ( which may mean circumnavigating the building to enter the shop. Shop is in fact no closer than being 2 or 3 buildings away but describing the home as being above the shop makes it appear closer and therefore safer to leave the baby.

They've usually been left 'just 5 minutes' when unattended small children drown, die in fires, hang themselves, choke etc.
Those 5 minutes are very elastic.

Op's friend has already developed a habit which suits her so why would she stop? She thinks nothing serious will happen.

Unbelievable that anyone is such a crap parent that they think this is acceptable. I hope someone reports the friend to SS.

What. On. Earth.
YANBU - I would be very, very concerned about her Parenting!

You could actually use the monitor if the shop were that close.

I don't think it's wrong per se.

Once, when I desperately needed an couple of items I went to the shop at the end of the road about 100 yards from the house while DD was asleep at home. But I felt so bad about it that I never did it again.

This is very reassuring - thank you!! I'd never dream of leaving DD alone, even if I was only going down stairs. but she thinks im being paranoid. She says her neighbour will often do the same with her 11month old

Freaks me out just think about the bad things that could happen.

This is very reassuring - thank you!! I'd never dream of leaving DD alone, even if I was only going down stairs.

I think that is very over the top.

How many children do you have and what age are they?

I could imagine you could be this protective if you have one small baby but if you have a few more children all making demands then you won’t be able to hover around a baby like that all the time. If my baby falls asleep safe and sound upstairs in her cot and my toddler needs to go downstairs to the kitchen for dinner do you think it is negligent to leave the baby in her cot or should I risk waking her and take her downstairs?

NOT SAFE. 100%. What if (God forbid) she was hit by a car or suffered a sudden medical event? No one would know she had a baby alone in the house. What if someone broke into her house?

Cars and houses are not baby-sitters. We recently had an Amber Alert initiated for a child who was kidnapped when she was left alone in a vehicle. The vehicle was stolen with the child inside it. Thankfully she has been safely returned and is doing okay, but it's an indication of the risk.

What if she had a sudden medical event and nobody knew BOTH of them were in the house

Bloody hell what a song and dance. Have you seen the size of some houses?! No different.

I'd do it!

It's so wrong. My mums next door neighbour used to leave her kids alone all the time this was the 80s. One day her elder son he was around 3-4 got up on some draws and found matches. Got into the baby's cot and managed to set himself and the baby and the cot alight the whole house went up in smoke and flames all whilst scummy mummy was In the pub none the wiser. The baby died due to burns and smoke and the elder one was awfully disfigured and taken into care. She ended up having more kids and being allowed to keep them

I'd never dream of leaving DD alone, even if I was only going down stairs.

Eh? So what happens when your children go to bed at 6pm? Do you sit in their bedrooms with them all night? What if you have multiple children with different bedtimes?

if the baby was asleep I would just take the monitor. even without I don't think it's cause to phone social services.

Oops, phrased my pp wrong!! I meant even just down stairs (like the shop).

I don’t think it’s a massive issue in the instance that you have described.
BUT the problem I have is that it is a slippery slope. Next time it will be 10 minutes etc and the child gets older and mobile when will she stop leaving them, an 9 month old in a cot is not likely to get into too much trouble if fast asleep but a 18 month old can climb, grab stuff, fall etc.