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Original poster

To feel a bit hmm about this comment from boss

70 replies

Peanutss · 17/09/2018 15:12

I've suffered from recurrent miscarriages in the past year. It's been shitty. Truly shitty.

I admit I've had time off work. In total I've had about 3 weeks off spread out over the year. Work have been kind and have paid me for sick leave when technically they didn't have to. I am grateful for this.

I've decided to leave my job and go onto something else. I've been unhappy in my work for a while, before this started, and it's given me a spur to get on with what I want to do.

When having my exit meeting with my current employer he said 'we have obviously cut you a lot of slack recently' referring to the time off with my miscarriages.

I was a bit hurt by this. I've worked for them for 5 years, I've only ever taken a couple of sick days before this year. I work hard, I don't take the mick. It made me feel like I was taking the piss but they've done me a favour by not calling me on it.

Like he was trying to say 'look what we've done for you when you've been such an inconvenience for us'.

I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive though but it stuck with me and it's been grating me ever since!!!

OP posts:
RomyAndJulio · 17/09/2018 15:14

It’s pretty hurtful - nobody sets out to have recurrent miscarriages Sad

I think it’s pretty rude. I’m sorry for your losses.

ThePants999 · 17/09/2018 15:16

You're reading too much into it. It's a factual statement, and doesn't imply any judgment.

DarlingNikita · 17/09/2018 15:17

That's a horrible and insensitive thing to say. Also utterly pointless at an exit interview.

Have you left completely now? If you still have contact with them I'd be tempted to talk to HR about that comment. I think it's out of order.

TBH I'd expect an exit interview to be with HR anyway, not an immediate manager. And I think most HR people would be switched on enough to know NOT to say things like that!

DarlingNikita · 17/09/2018 15:17

ThePants, 'cut you a lot of slack' isn't purely factual and absolutely implies judgement.

Thegirlinthefireplace · 17/09/2018 15:18

I can't really see the point in him saying those words in the exit interview and it sounds like he was being a little snarky, like you weren't grateful enough.

But at the same time, you said yourself that they have cut you slack (paying leave when they didn't need to) but I can't see what he hoped to achieve by bringing that up in exit interview.

greendale17 · 17/09/2018 15:21

Like he was trying to say 'look what we've done for you when you've been such an inconvenience for us'.

^Sorry to be harsh but they are saying this from a business point of view. They didn’t have to pay you sick leave but they did. Your boss obviously feels disappointed you aren’t staying when by your own admission they supported you well during your miscarriages.

DarlingNikita · 17/09/2018 15:24

green, but what is the point of saying it at an exit interview except to make the OP feel bad? It serves no other purpose.

Hideandgo · 17/09/2018 15:25

I think they are a business and they were investing in you. So why is it ok for you to be miffed at them and them not at you (for leaving them after they had invested in paying you when they didn’t have to).

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the miscarriages or sick leave, they were clearly fine with that. It’s that you are leaving.

Original poster
Peanutss · 17/09/2018 15:29

I do understand from a business POV they may feel this way.

I know that from a business POV I have been an inconvenience recently.

But I just didn't understand the need to say it to my face I guess. This is my life, a hell I've been living, to me it isn't about business. It's very raw for me and they know this.

I made it clear when I gave notice that I was doing this for me, not because of any faults on their part I told them how grateful I was for everything they'd done for me over the last 5 years etc... Not just this year.

It just felt like a bit of a dig whilst I was down I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peanutss · 17/09/2018 15:32

@Hideandgo I do get your point. I'm not leaving for anything personal against them though. Their comment was personal to me.

I am pretty sensitive at the min so maybe I've just blown it out of proportion.

I've not said anything, it's just stuck with me and I feel awkward until I leave now!

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 17/09/2018 15:33

If I heard someone say that I'd assume they were talking about performance in work rather than paid time off tbh. Not a great thing to say in an exit interview (not necessary IMO) as it's not supposed to be a back and forth bit - had you said anything that might have made him feel defensive about the workplace?

Good luck with the new job, OP!

Hideandgo · 17/09/2018 15:35

Handing in notice and leaving is always a horrible time because everyone is annoyed but pretending not to be! Try not to take it personally, you’re moving on. It’s par for the course.

Hideandgo · 17/09/2018 15:36

And no, he didn’t need to say that. It wasn’t very kind. But try not to give a shit because you’re out of there.

BalloonSlayer · 17/09/2018 15:37

You say: Work have been kind and have paid me for sick leave when technically they didn't have to.

He says: we have obviously cut you a lot of slack recently

He means what you said above.

moreThanFantastic · 17/09/2018 15:42

He isn't your friend. He's your boss and sees you as an employee. As an employee, they've given you a lot of slack.

I think 'hmm' is fair enough. I'm delighted you weren't 'beyond livid' or 'outraged' or 'physically sick'. Thanks for not being an idiot and good luck in the future.

Mia1415 · 17/09/2018 15:42

I'm sorry for the horrible time you've had.

This would be something my boss would probably say. He wouldn't mean it nastily but its translated to 'I'm really disappointed you are leaving. We've tried to go above and beyond and paid you sick pay you were not contractually entitled to as we valued you as a good employee and I'm disappointed you have decided to leave'.

Honestly, try not to give it another thought.

Good luck for the future and your new job.

Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 15:45

gosh, he's shown himself up with that one hasn't he?

I have worked for a couple of employers who can't abide people being off ill.

good thing you are out of there.

LittleMissPonsible · 17/09/2018 15:45

I agree with *balloon slayer.”

I’m sorry for your losses.

TomHardysNextWife · 17/09/2018 15:47

As an employer, I think I'd be pretty upset that I'd paid you when I didn't have to, supported you and then you handed your notice in tbh.

However, I do think it's something he could have thought but not said out loud. But you're moving on, let it go and enjoy what the future holds.

Oblomov18 · 17/09/2018 15:50

I think he has a very valid point. I'm sorry for your miscarriages, but 3 weeks is a lot of time off sick, and as you yourself said, they didn't need to. And now you've gone and left.
I totally understand their point of view.

Womaningreen · 17/09/2018 15:50

@TomHardysNextWife

well then, you should write it into contracts that sick pay might be reclaimed if you leave within 6 months of taking it or whatever.

LanaorAna2 · 17/09/2018 15:51

Boss paid you for three weeks when s/he didn't owe it to you. Focus on that, and that you're leaving.

SparklyLeprechaun · 17/09/2018 15:52

It's just a way of saying "we are disappointed you are leaving, we've done everything in our power to make it work for you."

Oblomov18 · 17/09/2018 15:53

Why NOT say it?
That is exactly what an exit interview is supposed to be: to say what you want to say.
For both sides.

MarthaArthur · 17/09/2018 16:00

Obviously we cant tell you what he meant by what he said but to me, you worked there 5 years and this year through a hard time you had to take more time off sick than before and then suddenly quit your job. Could he be saying it by way of wanting to know what more could have been done for you? Maybe in a vain attempt for you to withdraw your notice?

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