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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - splitting petrol costs

109 replies

ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 19:15

DH, my brother and I disagree on how petrol costs should be split between families. I will drip feed slightly as I think if I put the full history it will skew the answers a bit (nothing huge but just a slight omission) but I will post again after a few answers.

Scenario - 2 adults and a child from one family and 1 adult and a child from another family travelling in a car.

Option 1 - split 5 ways and charge per person
Option 2 - split 3 ways between the 3 adults
Option 3 - split in half, half each per family.

I am guessing no way is absolutely correct (and I totally get that it is a minor problem either way) but I would really appreciate your views. Thanks.

OP posts:
Uncreative · 17/09/2018 22:31

Your DH should transfer the money minus what DB owes you for petrol money and lunch.

Petty? Yes.
Appropriate? Yes.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 22:44

I do agree Uncreative but DH won't do it I wouldn't think. Think he will let it go and be more careful in future. I hate stuff like this, it really seems so petty but DB has made it this way.

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 17/09/2018 22:46

Do people actually charge their family petrol money? 🤯

bridgetoc · 17/09/2018 22:47

If it's my car I pay for the petrol........

Bimgy85 · 17/09/2018 22:48

Divide by the adults definitely. Always the way we've done it.

Holidayshopping · 17/09/2018 22:51

Your brother is being a CF!

Why does your DH always drive?

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 22:54

MrsStrowman have you read the thread? No one is charging anyone. It is events that have been booked together that DH drives for. Why should he pay hundreds of pounds in petrol. That wasn't my AIBU.

Bridgetoc - so you ferry all your family and friends hundreds of miles and they pay nothing towards it?

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 17/09/2018 22:55

You say done trips are 400 miles that's not even a full tank of petrol. Surely families just do things for each other? My family are always doing airport runs for each other, no one charges anything, sometimes it's the early hours of the morning, sometimes it's rush hour which is even worse. You just know if you need a favour family are there. I broke down in the snow, two hour wait minimum with AA DH away for work, no way of getting public transport from where I was, DB came and rescued me, should he have charged me like a breakdown service? He gave up his time, petrol and drove in bad conditions but he's my brother. He had an issue with a tree affecting his house foundations, that had a TPO, I looked into it and did most of the paperwork etc as he's not great with those kinds of things. DH ran into a radiator pipe with an industrial sander DB came round straight away and replaced the pipe, DN too ill to go to nursery DB and SIL had urgent things in at work our parents were away, I took a work from home day and looked after her. We take in deliveries for each other, help move house, lend each other cars when things break down etc. Should we all be billing each other? This concept is so weird.

MrsStrowman · 17/09/2018 22:57

We go out for organised trips, sometimes I pay, sometimes they pay, sometimes parents pay, sometimes we pay for ourselves. It's all the keeping score etc that isn't very family minded. If your brother doesn't pull his weight stop doing things with him.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 22:57

DH generally drives as it's just how it works out. Not entirely sure why. DB drove last time as DH and DS were at an activity for DS so it was easier for them to be picked up so they could get straight off.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/09/2018 22:58

I have RTFT but not sure if I have missed it - have you said why you dh nearly always does the driving?
It would make sense to not bother faffing around with who pays who, what, and to just take turns to drive when they go to these events.
Why doesn't your dh say "I drove last time, can you drive this time" and the costs then even out.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 23:03

MrsStrowman - I agree that's how it should work. We do all those things of course, we are a very close family. We do lots of childcare for each other, lots of local running around and many a time have helped it DIY, house moves etc. We don't bill each other, how ridiculous and a huge twist on what I've said.

These aren't one off events, they are regular. The last trip was 260 miles so £46 petrol. 5 of those comes to quite a lot. If it was reciprocated then it's no issue. We don't charge each other, we agree to contribute to petrol to avoid one person paying for it all each time. I don't know anyone who wouldn't do this. I could never imagine not offering, that would be incredibly rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 23:07

Yes absolutely that would be easier BackforGood. I think it's due to everyone's varying work finish times so it's ended up more convenient for everyone for DH to drive. He wouldn't be going if DB wasn't so it's not a case of him just jumping in, we'd never think of him contributing then.

Sorry if I've been snipey on my previous posts, I don't mean to be.It's been a long day.

I am happy we all contribute to petrol costs and don't have an issue at all with that.

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 17/09/2018 23:08

In my family we don't charge each other for petrol. We tend to take driving in turns out of all the people who can drive. I'm trying to think and apart from if someone drives to/pick up from the airport when we all offer petrol obviously, we never give each other petrol money.

Haireverywhere · 17/09/2018 23:09

If your DH is the 'driver' rather than attending himself that's a bit different though.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 23:12

Hair - that definitely works if you take it in turns.

DH also attends, I have said that they are jointly arranged events but neither would be going without the other. DH usually drives. Seems fair for both attendees to contribute, that I don't have an issue with, just the specific scenario in my OP. Then DH questioned my method of splitting it which is why I asked on here.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 18/09/2018 07:00

You are clearly struggling with the current arrangement-mostly because your brother is tight. I’d just suggest they alternate the driving for all future events-‘your turn this time, mate, as I drove last time’ and don’t charge for petrol as each pays for their own.

Have the discussion in advance though. If your brother asks why-tell him!

Does your brother have a habit of forgetting his wallet on days out?!

RuJuAs · 18/09/2018 07:24

If it’s a long journey, i personally don’t feel that the driver should cover the cost of petrol if there are 2 other adults in the car. Driving can be so stressful at times and we’re all ready responsible for the safety of everyone else in the car, the least the adults can do is cover the petrol seeing as they’re able to just chill, eat, sleep, relax in the car at will. I duno, maybe i’m a bit mean but i had to learn the hard way when it comes to being the designated driver.

RuJuAs · 18/09/2018 07:31

Sorry, forgot to say. I wouldn’t necessarily ask them to cough up the money for petrol, but i would expect it. I’m sure this is the case for many people but with some of my friends and family, i don’t need to ask, they’re rather the ones who would say something like "oh, i’ve put money in your account for petrol".

bert3400 · 18/09/2018 07:37

I would never charge family for petrol , it all sounds do petty.

Oysterbabe · 18/09/2018 07:51

It was your DH that said to pay £10 so he did, he probably wasn't even aware what the total cost was. I don't think your DB can be criticised too harshly for not insisting on paying more. Your DH now knows to ask for 50% in future, which imo is fair.

Damia · 18/09/2018 12:08

Why don't you deduct the money you owe your db now from the next trip your dh drives and be back square? (And not have to wait for him to pay)

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 18/09/2018 13:12

Oysterbabe - he did know how much it was in total so knew it was a third rounded down.

Holidayshopping - yes that is my brother. Once we agreed in advance to pay for my parents anniversary meal. He only brought enough cash to pay for theirs, he didn't bring any for himself, my dad paid for him!

RuJuAs - to me that's what family and friends is about, not having to ask, or certainly not having to pay for all the petrol when doing all the driving for others either.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZanyMobster · 18/09/2018 13:13

Bert3400 - it's not petty, it's hundreds of pounds in total.

OP posts:
EK36 · 18/09/2018 13:39

50:50 and do the same back!