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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - splitting petrol costs

109 replies

ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 19:15

DH, my brother and I disagree on how petrol costs should be split between families. I will drip feed slightly as I think if I put the full history it will skew the answers a bit (nothing huge but just a slight omission) but I will post again after a few answers.

Scenario - 2 adults and a child from one family and 1 adult and a child from another family travelling in a car.

Option 1 - split 5 ways and charge per person
Option 2 - split 3 ways between the 3 adults
Option 3 - split in half, half each per family.

I am guessing no way is absolutely correct (and I totally get that it is a minor problem either way) but I would really appreciate your views. Thanks.

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 16/09/2018 19:56

I hate situations like this.
Your db is a cf.
He was happy enough to pay less than 1/3 but expects your dh to pay half.

I think I would be tempted to say next time ,
" Right db it's your turn to drive. "
And also ask for half the petrol money now that db has set that president.

YearOfYouRemember · 16/09/2018 19:57

Since your dh paid all petrol and brother's lunch why is he paying anything towards the second trip ?

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 19:57

Me too Belinda, it makes me so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 16/09/2018 19:57

Have you ever told your brother that being a tight arse does him no favours?

Southernstars · 16/09/2018 19:58

If you caught a taxi with two other unrelated people would you want to pay 50:50 so one doesn’t pay. If you caught a taxi with a couple you wouldn’t think of them as one person. It should always be thirds imo.

Your brother OP is a cf and I would send him a third minus the 10 he owed. It might make him realise other people are not his cash card.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 19:58

Year - no DH paid 2/3 of the petrol as counted DS age 12 in the calculations. DB paid 1/3 at that point. I told DH he should have just split it 2 ways that time, they would have gone regardless of DS going.

OP posts:
LargeGlassOfPepsi · 16/09/2018 20:01

I would never ask for petrol money from anyone if I was going anyway.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 20:01

eddielizard - yep all the time. The trouble is we joke about it all the time, he probably doesn't take us seriously. I love him, he's my brother and he is only a knob about this one thing. If we said to him pay X amount he would. It may take him a while to cough up but if we keep on enough he'll pay. He is just thoughtless about it and really tight. I have many stories!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 20:02

Pepsi - neither party would go anyway, it's a mutually arranged event, not the sort of thing you would go to alone.

OP posts:
hdh747 · 16/09/2018 20:03

This isn't about how to split it, it's how to deal with a tight wad who tries to take the piss. And I've been there with people who are 'in their own world' when it's time to put their hands in their pockets.
Thrash out what the charge is each time and make sure it's paid up front.

doodleygirl · 16/09/2018 20:06

I wouldnt charge anything if I was going anyway

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 20:16

doodley - I have said a few times that neither party would be going alone, it's not that sort of event but yes in general I do agree with you. If you and a friend booked to go to a concert and bought 2 tickets at the same time just because 1 drives and the other doesn't shouldn't mean the driver automatically pays. I would definitely pay half and then buy the driver drinks for the evening.

hdh747 - you are totally right. He needs a kick up the arse although I'm not really sure he does it purposely, it's hard to explain.

OP posts:
anniehm · 16/09/2018 20:31

I'll be honest, I wouldn't dream of asking for petrol money. We've driven my brother and he offered, I refused, he bought coffees at the services for us all. Obviously a daily commute is different to twice a year, in which case them filling up with petrol sometimes would be adequate.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 20:41

anniehm - I do kind of agree, but it has to work both ways doesn't it in those situations.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 16/09/2018 20:43

I'd up the ribbing tbh. Family are pretty much the only ones who can iron out this sort of crap. He'll lose friends over it. It's the sort of thing to really irritate people.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 20:51

eddie - I hope that doesn't ever happen, as far as I am aware it hasn't so far but some people are very tolerant I guess. I have probably made him sound awful but he truly is a lovely guy, just so different from all the rest of us in that way.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 16/09/2018 21:02

he's not thoughtless, he knows exactly what he's doing....it's the rest of you who are mugs and stupid enough to fall for his 'innocent' facade

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 16/09/2018 21:07

Heebie - I hope you're not right, I think many of us a mugs when it comes to people we care about unfortunately. I also have that sort of nature where people take the piss easily as I never say no.

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 16/09/2018 21:25

50:50
If the two families were travelling separately there would be 2 lots of costs

Penfold007 · 16/09/2018 21:47

DB has now set the bar for future shared journeys; petrol split 50/50 and everyone pays for their own food - simples.

elessar · 17/09/2018 08:53

I would also get your DH to remind DB about lunch he bought him last time and ask for the money back or that he buys him lunch next time - it's petty but if that's how he wants to play it then it's the fair thing to do!

Rockbird · 17/09/2018 09:19

I would never even think of charging family petrol money. Blimey, I'd be quids in if I did, I'm always driving people round. And would only charge friends if we were travelling from Lands End to John O'Groats or somesuch.

But if you have to split then just 50/50 and be done with it.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 09:41

Rockbird- I have explained why petrol is charged so whilst I understand what you are saying and agree to an extent it is not appropriate for one person to just pay all the petrol for a joint trip that it's not a one off. We are talking up to 400 mile round trips so not just ferrying around. Anything under 50 miles I wouldn't consider anyone contributing to petrol family or not. Not everyone can afford to foot everyone else's bills.

OP posts:
aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 17/09/2018 18:03

50:50

I drove to visit my great aunt yesterday. My car is bigger than my dads, and dad can't be bothered to drive much these days, so I offered.

There was DH, DS and I, mum and dad, Dad gave me £5 towards fuel and Mum paid half the tunnel toll fee (less than £2 each way)

I'd have done the same if dad was driving, even though there'd be 3 of us in our 'family' travelling iyswim

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 17/09/2018 22:14

Thanks aspoon.

I must say I am surprised that a few people have said you should never charge family. It's not like that, when you are taking a trip which is for the benefit of everyone and you weren't going anyway I find it would be odd/rude to not offer something towards petrol as it's a mutual benefit.

OP posts: