To feel put off my husbands new beard

[Pineapplepassion]

Ok, I know this is a very minor problem, very first world but it's having a big impact on my relationship. I just need some opinions and advice to help me as I know it's unreasonable.
My husband grew a beard while we were apart, due to work for a couple of weeks.
I really detest it, it scratches me when we kiss and I don't fancy him or want him near me because it looks like my Dad and brothers beards and it feels so weird.
He loves it, I can't ask him to shave it off as that would be unreasonable, I wouldn't want him pushing an opinion on me regarding my hair or appearance, but I hate it so much, it's affecting our relationship.
Any ideas to help me get used to it?

My DH grew a beard about a year after we met. He loves it. I don't, because if it gets too long at the sides it reminds me traumatically of my old German teacher who had mutton chop whiskers and sang Gilbert & Sullivan light operettas.

We compromised on me vigorously policing the beard's length/bushiness/operaticity.

DH occasionally grows facial hair and I hate it, too. It hides his handsome face and it feels horrible. Last time he shaved it off after I stopped hiding my flinches whenever he leaned in for a kiss.
On here before lots of women have said they appreciate their husbands beards because of how they feel when they... (ahem) but I remain unconvinced.

Appeal to his vanity. Tell him he has a handsome, youthful, face and it’s a shame it’s hidden under all that fuzz.

Well it's still here I half hoped he'd shave it off for work, no such luck.
It's morphing into a bit of a Noel Edmonds shape as his hairs kind of longer on the sides my son calls him an Ewok, he thinks it's great. I still really really hate it. I cannot see me coming round to it.

I’ll have him. He can join my collection of sexy beards, along with Jason Momoa and Hugh Jackman

Beards are foul. Absolutely grimy nasty things. I wouldn't want one anywhere near me. My lovely dh would be back to mummy and the locks changed if he persisted in having one.
My lovely dad had one. Poor Mum.
As you can tell, they are a red line for me.

I get that you don't feel it's your place to demand he shave it, but I must admit I don't get not sharing your opinion on it. If I grew a beard and DW hated it I'd want her to tell me rather than have her try to find ways to manage with it. It'd be my decision to have one or not but to make an informed decision I need to know how it affects her. Especially if one way involves more kisses or sex than the other! Pretending she has no preference wouldn't do either of us any favours!

Seriously if you are repulsed by it just tactfully ask him to shave it! If he's not had one up to now, I doubt he's suddenly so attached to the idea that he'd still want one knowing you genuinely couldn't stand it. Depending on how full a beard it is they can massively alter someone's appearance, not to mention the feel while kissing etc, so it's definitely not unreasonable to be put off. If I drastically altered my hairstyle or stopped shaving my underarms and legs I wouldn't be outraged if DH expressed he preferred it before. We can't help what we like!

Dh has had a beard since Christmas, it was only supposed to stay until the summer, so a winter beard but it's still here.

I told him I didn't like the scratchy/spiky feel, he bought beard balm which he uses every day. It maintains the skin underneath the beard, softens it and tames it. Not cheap (£22 for a small tub) but its worth it cos it certainly works cos it goes look in good condition.

The other condition of him keeping it is that it doesn't create work for me, I already cut his hair and he initally wanted me to maintain the beard. I'm not a hairdresser its easy to shave his head but using a beard trimmer on his face was not my cup of tea, so now he goes to a barber to maintain it.

Took a bit of getting used to, I do like the beard as he has three colours in it so its a bit different to other peoples, it does suit him, he likes it too and it seems to make him happy.

I think they are hideous. Just tell him how you feel.

I hate beards. The man that abused me as a kid had a beard so they remind me of that. The current trend turns my stomach tbh.

DH and I made up some rules when we got married, most were silly but one was no beard ever.

Tell him how you feel.

My friend made her husband put a paper bag on his head when they had sex after he grew one, true story .

A hairy vagina?

Methinks you need to see a doctor.

Steam don’t be a pedantic twat, you know what I meant. No one actually refers to it as an outer labia and pubic region do they?

I did know what you meant. But a vagina is inside your body, not on the outside.

Anyway what right do you and other women have, to demand that a bloke is clean shaven or is it that just you refer "smooth pretty boys" huh?

Damn if we do shave, damned if we don't shave.

Guess what? my DP doesn't shave for me & vice versa.

LOL, the vulva vs vagina brigade is out in force. ('Steam' above ^.)

Doesn't take them long to come out of the woodwork!

FWIW, I like the way my DH looks with a small-ish beard, but I LOATHE how it feels and cannot kiss him with it on his face. Can only JUST tolerate sex. So if he does grow a bit of one, he rarely keeps it for long.

HaHa very funny Linda.

Sorry if I didn't mention the word Vulva in my last post, as I quite forgotten the word. Blaim Instagram for that

I honestly want to know, what right a Woman has to demand that their DP/s have to be clean shaven.

"I honestly want to know, what right a Woman has to demand that their DP/s have to be clean shaven."
I presume women have the right not to have sex with a bearded DP if they don't want to be up close and personal with one.

I don't think anyone can demand their partner change their style or grooming habits, but I also don't think they have to shield them from the consequences of their decision. In an extreme sense if someone changed their appearance in a way that meant their OH couldn't bear to look at them, to the extent that they felt they couldn't remain with them, wouldn't it be better for their OH to tell them how they feel, rather than just leaving or suffering a relationship they no longer want to be in? While this may seem OTT for a beard I don't think it's for us to judge what's important to someone in their relationship, especially given the strong views many posters have mentioned.

If one partner really wants a beard and the other can't stand them having it, then it may be they're simply incompatible. Just as if one partner decided they really wanted another baby and the other didn't, or if one partner wanted to quit their job and go travelling and the other wanted to put down roots save for the future. I don't think it's for us to judge what's important to that person?

Of course it's the person's choice to make if they want to shave or not, I don't think anyone's suggested differently. But I can't see why that should imply their partner can't express a preference, what it means to them, or the consequences of choosing an option they like/dislike.
I can't imagine it's better to suffer in silence than to to tell your partner, I know I'd far rather my DW told me if she did/didn't like my haircut, grooming, etc., so I can make an informed decision.

I love DH's beard. Though it's a small beard, just beyond stubble really. I like the scratchiness.

However his Movember moustache was awful back when he was clean shaven. I told him (as did everyone else) that he looked like a 70s porn star. He shaved it off.

Bleurgh - I hate beards.

Just refuse to snog him until it goes.

I'm a man with a beard (bit concerned about the beard hate on this thread!). Honestly, if my wife said she hated it and I wasn't getting any kisses or (ahem) other affection, it'd be gone tomorrow!

My ex grew a beard.
It reminded he of my shithead dad and it physically made me gag when we kissed to the point I almost vomited in bed.

He point blank refused to shave it and told me it “improved his self confidence” and I was being difficult.

We “compromised” on a short beard which just made me gag a bit but he purposefully kept growing it longer to “train” me and because he thought I was making it up to stop him having a beard 🙄

I eventually broke up with him but to this day I marvel how my esteem was so poor I didn’t just tell him to go fuck himself on day 1 of his long bearded bullshit shenanigans

It's so tricky and I think I have to agree with some PPs that there's no fair and reasonable way round it. It's his choice - and likewise it's your choice if you can't bear to kiss him or shag him because of it. And that could amount to basic incompatibility, which is sad.

But I do think the fact that it's all over a person's face makes it have an extra big impact. Apart from being reversible, it's a bit like someone having facial surgery - it completely changes how they look and feel to their OH.

Like OP I hate beards because of the dad connection and just cannot snog a bearded man (although I do love short stubble weirdly). I can't bear the thought of beard oil either - to me the only thing more revolting than a scratchy beard would be a silky-soft beard - BOAK!