AIBU to take DD1 to use the disabled loo?

[KitKat1985]

DD1 is now 4. We are still waiting for a formal diagnosis (long wait to see paediatrician in our area) but looking pretty certain she will get an ASD diagnosis. Ourselves and nursery have had no luck with potty training her, despite lots of persistence. We've been advised by the special needs service to take a break for a bit as they don't think she's ready. Upshot is that she's still in nappies.

The problem is I have two issues with changing her in regular loos:

1. She's too big now to fit on a baby changing table (she's tall for her age) and there isn't room to change her in most toilet cubicles, (and it doesn't feel very dignified to just change her on the floor by the sinks), so the extra floor-space in the disabled loos really helps.

2. She's terrified of the sound of hand driers, which is really difficult to avoid in the communal ladies loos.

A couple of times recently when I've nipped in the disabled loos with her I've had a few rolled eye / tutting type moments in my direction, which is I'm guessing because she doesn't 'look' disabled, and I guess because she doesn't have a formal diagnosis yet it makes explaining it complicated. So AIBU?

Your child has additional needs, and that’s exactly what accessible toilets are for.
Be kind to yourself you don’t need to explain!

Honestly, if you're in the process of getting a diagnosis & it's likely that you will get that diagnosis, & using the accessible loo in the meantime will make your lives easier, I say do it. I also have an invisible disability, BTW. I use them sometimes. Sometimes I don't need to. Some days I can't leave the house, or my bed. People can tut away all they want to. It doesn't mean they're entitled to know the details of your & your DD's medical needs. They aren't living your life.

Who cares really? No one knows who is in need of accessible toilets just by looking at them. Ignore

Nope, YANBU.

But also (if you don't know) check out the Changing Places website and app, as these toilets are even larger and you don't have to lay your child on the dirty floor to change them.

I have two dc’s with additional needs (dyspraxia) and use the disabled toilets. I take great pleasure in looking straight back at the tutters and smiling. They soon look away embarrassed. On the odd occasional that anyone has actually continued to gawp, i’ve Walked straight over to them and said something like “ my children have learning disabilities and aren’t toilet trained/ need my assistance to use the toilet. “ with a smile.

Dd is 12 and we use the disabled due to the handdryers in the ordinary loos.

FWIW, I used the accessible loos for quite a few years before I got my PIP award, when I absolutely had to, as well. Getting the formal recognition of disability didn't change anything. You don't get a badge to flash at people, & my health was no worse afterwards, than it had been for the few years before.

You should use the disabled loos. DDs needs sound like they make using the regular ones really difficult.

I use the disabled loos. I don’t look disabled . But if I don get to the loo when I need to pretty damn quick then I’m in trouble. You can get a free ‘Just Can’t Wait’ card from www.bladderandbowel.org whIce states that the card holder has a medical condition and needs to use the toilet quickly. You can show it to staff in stations, shops, restaurants etc and they will help you access a suitable toilet. Also worth using if you feel obliged to explain to anyone why you are using the disabled loo

I use a wheelchair full time. I think you should absolutely use the disabled toilets when needed. That's what they're there for in my opinion.
Your child not having their diagnosis yet doesn't mean their needs don't exist, so people should mind their own business and feel fortunate they don't have to use the disabled toilets.

Those who tut and roll their eyes should be ashamed of themselves. Especially if they, themselves are waiting to use the disabled toilets. They should have more understanding.

YANBU - that's what they are there for

If anyone gives you a look just remind them that not all disabilities are visible

The best look we got was when we all trouped out of the cubicle... DS,dd,mum and me. ASD, hypermobile+ASD?, Elderly and inform and EDS all together...

Thank you. You've made me feel a bit better. I'm probably the least confrontational person you'll ever meet and I feel so awkward and upset by all the tuts and eye rolls.

That is exactly what disabled toilets are for

Ds is 8 and cant toilet independently so we have to use the disabled toilets

YANBU but, purely because the floor in any public toilets can be pretty awful, have you tried working on changing nappies with your DD standing up? Still use the assessable toilet, because that is what it is designed for and it gives you more space, but that might make things a bit pleasanter for your DD.

Your child has additional needs, and therefore is exactly the person who should be able to use the disabled toilets.

My 3 are autistic, and hypersensitive to sound, even ear defenders don’t help them cope with hand dryers so they use the disabled toilets where needed.

DS2 also needs help using the toilet which just isn’t possible in able bodied facilities.

Spotting - it depends how fidgety it is. If she's not fidgety then changing her standing up can work, but usually it doesn't as she normally is. I have a roll down changing mat that I put on the floor though so I don't usually lie her directly on the toilet floor to change her.

Of course you should use them. When I've got to go, I've got to go - like now. I don't hesitate to use whichever loo I reach first.

Can you use pull ups so she can change herself? I know they are a faff with shoes though.

Yanbu at all, ignore the eye rollers, they have no clue of your circumstances or your child's needs. It is not a disabled toilet, but an accessible one, which your dd needs to use.

If someone like you shouldn’t use the disabled loo then no one should.

You shouldn’t have to feel this way.

I’m heartened to see many disabled toilets which have more than the traditional sign for disabled toilets and state “not all disabilities are visible”

That strikes me as a massive step forward.

Sad that we should be grateful for it, but I am.

I would argue 4 is too old for changing in front of strangers so YANBU

YANBU

Seems like the best solution OP

You need to use the disabled loos, don't worry about looks and tuts.
If anyone says anything just tell them she has special needs, they're not always obvious.

In these circumstances her diagnosis is irrelevant as far as I'm (and any other decent person) concerned

She has additional toilet needs that non disabled toilets are unable to accommodate so using them is entirely appropriate.