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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know what your family finances are!!

146 replies

MrsMaker88 · 16/09/2018 07:58

Me and DH have to have a serious conversation about money tonight. He’s been avoiding it for months and months but he’s not good with money and we live beyond our means. I have asked him to give me full disclosure on what debts etc he has so that we can work as a team to fix it.

I hope this is not unreasonable but I want to know what your debts or savings are if you have young kids so I can see what the norm is?!?!?! Please Smile

OP posts:
SandysMam · 16/09/2018 08:00

You won’t get a norm though here OP, you will get no debts a million pounds in savings, or no savings a million pounds in debt. You probably won’t get the regular joe’s answering. What is important is you get to grips with it all, I couldn’t be in a relationship without financial honesty.

Crunchymum · 16/09/2018 08:01

Lots if debt, little savings.

3 kids, 3 maternity leaves and a big house move in past 6 years.

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2018 08:01

I dont think there is a norm tbh.
When my older dc were little it really was hand to mouth, despite the appearence of doing ok. Money just ran out the door on child care, car repairs and so on. It wasnt til the kids were in school that we got back on our feet really.

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2018 08:03

Oh, and expect plenty of replies letting you know smugly that people always have 6 months expenses tucked away in a savings acct that they never touch!

BMW6 · 16/09/2018 08:04

There is no "norm". There will be a huge spectrum between having thousands in savings and no debt to thousands of debt and no savings!

Certainly you should be completely informed as to the extent of your family situation, and it is wise to aim to have a financial cushion if possible. But you really don't need to know how well off most people are compared to you!

SecondTimeCharm · 16/09/2018 08:05

no substantial debt, DH has one cc that’s maybe got £1k on at the most. no substantial savings either though, I have a few £k of inheritance in an ISA. we are also NOT homeowners but hoping to be very soon. I’m a SAHM and also currently pregnant so likely to stay that way for a few more years but me and DH run a business together so our income most likely wouldn’t significantly change with me going back to work, his workload (and stress) would just decrease!

we are both early 30s

firehousedog1 · 16/09/2018 08:06

Mortgage and car loan. No credit cards. Not in the overdraft on the current account. I think around 1200 quid in savings account at present for emergencies.

Miketv · 16/09/2018 08:07

We don't have debts (apart from the mortgage) but don't have much in savings either. I keep hearing that you should have 3 months worth of spends in savings in case of emergency - we have less than one.

Our outgoings pretty much match our income so not much scope for improvement at the moment.

I recommend moneysavingexpert for advice on budgeting, best deals on utilities etc.

KanielOutis · 16/09/2018 08:08

Own a flat in SE, 50% LTV. £5k left on a kitchen loan. £10k still outstanding from loan from dad - he paid my divorce settlement. All debts due to clear in 3 years, and mortgage in 8.

ChiefSpoon · 16/09/2018 08:08

Under 30, home owner with 40% equity, 6k in savings and no car loan. Currently on maternity leave so haven't been saving this year.

MrsMozart · 16/09/2018 08:09

I think 'normal' debt for a young family probably consists of:
car loan
one credi card with sub-£2k limit
maybe another loan from the past that's being paid off albeit slowly
maybe a catalogue type credit balance
and a mortgage unless renting

I think that was pretty much ours back in the day.

Sandstormbrewing · 16/09/2018 08:09

Normal person here [waves].

DH has ~ £1500 in debt on a credit card and I have ~ £3800 but £3400 of that is on a 0% card and the rest will be paid off as I've just been paid (it's a cashback card so all our monthly spending goes on it and I pay the balance off in full most months).

DH has around £1500 in easy access savings and £1000 in investments and I have £5500 in easy access savings. My savings earn me more than my credit card costs me (as it doesn't cost me anything) so I'm not paying it off until the reverse becomes true.

We also have a mortgage which is around 25% of our take home each month.

cricketmum84 · 16/09/2018 08:10

Mid 30s married with 2 kids. We have a mortgage, about £10k left on a car loan and a credit card each with less than £1k on.
We keep a £1k float in a savings account for emergency repairs or rainy days.

bevelino · 16/09/2018 08:10

There is no norm because this is a completely anonymous forum open to the entire world to use. Some people may have millions in the bank others may live hand to mouth and have no money at all.

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 16/09/2018 08:10

I just don’t want to overreact and threaten divorce if I find out there is a lot of debt I wasn’t expecting. It really helps to know that this is a difficult time for others financially but our position will improve in the future without me having to go to extreme measures to change things!!!

We both have jobs we like with ok salaries. Our family lifestyle would be a lot harder if we had to take on extra jobs.

I don’t want to have to check up on him and I don’t know how to enforce it but I found one credit card for £5k and have no idea why he has debt as our outgoings are as low as they can be and I don’t see how he has any time to spend it!!!

OP posts:
GandolfBold · 16/09/2018 08:10

Large mortgage and a loan we took out for a new kitchen.

I have several savings 'pots', but they are all for short term savings, so holiday, car insurance, new carpets.

I have a £1k emergency fund for car repairs, emergencies etc. Balance goes up and down quite a bit!

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2018 08:11

Don't fall into the trap of thinking if someone else has x amount of debt it's ok for you too.
Spending beyond your means is never a good thing, believe me, I've been there! We avoid talking about money and budget, then get so stressed out when we lose control of our spending.
It's slightly concerning that you don't know what debts your DH has, as they are also your debts.
Here's what you need to do. First, make Martin Lewis of moneysavingexpert fame your new best friend. His advice is invaluable.
Next, write down all your debts, and include the timescale for paying them off, the interest rates and the monthly payments.
Check both your credit ratings.
Write down all your income.
Write down all your regular outgoings.
Print off the last six months bank statements and scrutinise your spending so you can see where you're wasting money.
Set a realistic budget to live off.
Check you're not paying too much for services (I've just changed my mobile phone contract from O2 to giffgaff and am saving £25 a month, because I didn't bother upgrading my phone)

Think of this as a long term project and a positive thing rather than a woe is me I can't believe we're in such a mess scenario. Keep a record of your decreasing debt, it's a real boost! We went from owing £20000 and spending far too much, to being debt free in 7 years. We lived well within our means which at times was hard, but once you are debt free, you're then able to start saving the money you used to pay off debts. Watching savings increase, having spare money at the end of the month, planning holidays that you pay for up front is a great feeling!

Sandstormbrewing · 16/09/2018 08:11

Oh sorry, forgot about the £2k rainy day fund (the if we lose our job savings) and we've also got £4k in savings for DS.

Sandstormbrewing · 16/09/2018 08:12

Oh and a car savings pot for MOT/ insurance etc which is about £1k per year.

Rainycloudyday · 16/09/2018 08:12

We have one DS and currently pregnant with DC2. No debt other than mortgage - we use a credit card but clear it monthly. Keep £10k in accessible savings and investments for emergencies and anything left over at the end of each month gets paid off our mortgage as I'm uncomfortable with owing so much (c. £240k). We're in a good position but we work hard and watch our spending carefully, it's not all luck.

motortroll · 16/09/2018 08:13

I agree with others you won't get an average reply!!

If it helps though we have £3k overdraft which we use from half to all of every month (hangover from being skint and now have variable income, it's basically a debt we haven't paid as we always use it!)

Approx £10k credit card debt. Shameful. I don't even know the actual amount.

Loan for car 1 and finance for car 2

We are actually in a far better position than we were 6 months ago as a big loan we had finished and I paid back some money to my dad.

Dh thinks we're gonna get a bigger mortgage to move house next year 🙄

I think we also need to have the talk but it's as much me as him. We're rubbish!

Oysterbabe · 16/09/2018 08:14

37 & 36. Kids are 2.9 years and 9 months.
We own a btl flat and 4 bed semi, both mortgaged but with a good amount of equity. Household income is about 50k from salaries and 14k from rental income. I work part time since having kids.
We currently have no savings as we have just spent 70k on a loft conversion and other home improvement. This money was mostly inherited from DH's grandparents with some savings. We have no debts apart from the mortgages.

Cupoteap · 16/09/2018 08:14

His attitude is going to be the main thing - can he change?

motortroll · 16/09/2018 08:14

I meant to add I don't actually know monthly outgoings on debt. Some of it my husband pays off using his expenses so I don't see that on bank acct.

Cars prob over £500

Easilyflattered · 16/09/2018 08:15

At that point in our lives we had a mortgage, between 2-5k in savings and and about 3-4k of overdraft and cc debt.

No car loan but oldish car, no catalogue debt.

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