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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to know what your family finances are!!

146 replies

MrsMaker88 · 16/09/2018 07:58

Me and DH have to have a serious conversation about money tonight. He’s been avoiding it for months and months but he’s not good with money and we live beyond our means. I have asked him to give me full disclosure on what debts etc he has so that we can work as a team to fix it.

I hope this is not unreasonable but I want to know what your debts or savings are if you have young kids so I can see what the norm is?!?!?! Please Smile

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 16/09/2018 08:15

There is no norm. There are many posters here who are in a downright dangerous predicament with finances and you should feel no comfort in hearing about them. The other side is plenty of very comfortable/financially loaded families. I don’t think you’ll feel better hearing about them either. You’d be better asking what the baseline for being somewhat secure as a family is.

spacefighter · 16/09/2018 08:15

Mortgage, car, 3 children, single parent, 10k in savings, no debt. I had a lot of debt in my younger years and I never want to go back to that again so if I get anything on credit I pay it off as soon as I can.

Sleephead1 · 16/09/2018 08:16

have a mortgage and no other debt 1 child and we have just bought our flat in March so only 500 in savings but to be no eat we are always a bit skint towards pay day

Sleephead1 · 16/09/2018 08:17

sorry my phone has a life of its out no eat should be honest

haverhill · 16/09/2018 08:18

1k on credit card.
No other debts at the mo except mortgage (£790 month).
Will need a car loan soon, though.
Have about £1000 for emergencies.
Family income seems fine on paper (over £60k) but we never seem to have much to spare and live quite simply.

cakeforone · 16/09/2018 08:19

Only debt we have is the mortgage and a few K outstanding on our car. We have a good joint income, however no real savings which worries me. We have less than 1000 in savings and I really want to up this to be more secure but will mean being less frivolous with money. We bought our house 9 months ago which pretty much wiped us out and we've been furnishing it/making necessary changes since. Hence we haven't been saving much.

I wouldn't be happy about DH having secret debts and keeping them from me.

cakeforone · 16/09/2018 08:20

We have two young DC, 1 at school and the other at nursery. We qualify for 30 free hours and pay about £300 a month in wraparound for them.

MillieMoodle · 16/09/2018 08:21

We are mid-30s, 2 kids, DH is a SAHD, I work full time. Mortgage is approx. 230k, we have some bedroom furniture on credit which I think is £40 a month and which will be paid off in January.

Savings about 7.5k, which came from an inheritance. We have a strict budget and we stick to it. We lost almost half our income a year ago when DH became a SAHD so things are much tighter now for us than they were, but it's manageable, although I worry about what we will do when the cars need replacing (they are both 10 years old).

DH is very tight good with money and always has been. We have been together 13 years and have had varying amounts of debt in that time, all of which we have paid off. We definitely don't live beyond our means and do all we can to cut our outgoings.

Agree with pps that you need to make moneysavingexpert your new best friend.

Donthugmeimscared · 16/09/2018 08:21

There is no norm I don't think. Last year things were very different but now I'm single I have 3 children live in a council house have no savings and £1.50 in my bank until Tuesday.

TheOxymoron · 16/09/2018 08:26

Oh, and expect plenty of replies letting you know smugly that people always have 6 months expenses tucked away in a savings acct that they never touch!

Perfect example of someone that will flame somebody that has anything.

Different story if it was a negative comment about somebody struggling, they would be ripped.

lifechangesforever · 16/09/2018 08:26

I think the difference here OP is that this is DH's debt.. how has he been getting into debt without joint conversations about the borrowing first?

We're a 'normal' family. DH and I early 30s with a 9 week old baby.

Own our house with around 45k in equity
Grandparent loan - we don't know how much it is because we know it's ALOT. It's paid for first house deposit, new roof, cars and a van all over the past 8 years. We pay money to him every month but he's not in a rush for it back.
2 car loans - £25k
Credit card - £8k
Next account - not much, maybe £500?
DFS & Dreams - not sure how much is outstanding but both manageable and short term
Student finance - again, not sure how much but it just comes out of salary anyway so I don't really notice that

We have no savings.. we save specifically for things like our holiday and then spend it, saving then starts for the next. I do know we need start building rainy day savings though. Our 9 week old has more savings that us right now!

BitchQueen90 · 16/09/2018 08:26

Single parent in my late 20s, I'm not a homeowner and don't own a car. No savings either.

On the plus side I've got no debt and never have been in debt. Never owned a credit card and don't ever buy anything on finance.

Once Christmas is out the way I will start putting some cash away as I've just started a better paid job. In 10 years time I hope to be a homeowner.

changedu5ername · 16/09/2018 08:27

Hello,

I am struggling as well. However, the important thing, as others have said, is that you are working positively to manage the situation.

I think there are also money and savings forums on Mumsnet and these could be helpful. I have dipped in an out of them for advice.

Whatsnewwithyou · 16/09/2018 08:27

We are late 40s early 50s and doing ok though making up for lost time as DH had nothing when we met (he gave his paid-off house to his ex-wife when they divorced). We also lost my savings when we bought a house at a high price and then sold to move after the market dropped a few years ago. Oh and i am American and had massive student loans from there iv9e had to pay off. So now we have a mortgage with 1/3 paid (100k equity) and 7k savings, no debts or car loan. We also have a decent pension and I earn good money in my job so are able to build up savings more. On paper we are fine but compared to others on the same income we're not doing so great!

CaptSkippy · 16/09/2018 08:28

Why are you not already up to date on the family finances? Major red flag if you ask me. You are not a child and his financial situation impacts yours in a major way since you are married. I'd say just start going through the paperwork yourself and if he objects I'd give serious considerations to a divorce.

tomhazard · 16/09/2018 08:29

There's no normal op.
We have two young kids- our only debt is our mortgage and we have around 10k in savings for emergencies. We have also overpaid on our mortgage by around 30k which we view as a type of savings.

Most of our monthly income is spent fairly quickly on mortgage, bills, childcare and things we need for the house. We do aim to live within our means and not accrue extra debt so we don't do things such as decorating or holidays if we do not have the capital to pay for it

SagelyNodding · 16/09/2018 08:29

We are lower end of normal I think! Kids have a little under 2k each in their savings.
We have almost nothing-maybe 1k saved due to a spectacular run of car trouble... I would get a new(er) car on long term rental, but I do far too many miles at the moment, and will do until summer.
No debts though, and I'm glad about that! ignores student loan Full-time working, 2 parents, 2 children... Crippled by rent, stuck living here due to work for the moment Sad
I hope you get the answers you need, op, and can get a plan in place Flowers

AssignedNorthernAtBirth · 16/09/2018 08:31

Yy the amount other people have isn't what you need to look at here. If a couple have 20k debt for an extension and a couple of grand on a car loan but they both know about and are repaying, that's better than and also completely unlike it'd be if you had 6k in credit cards that DH ran up without you knowing and spent on fuck all.

Your better bet if you want to improve finances is to ask for money saving tips.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 16/09/2018 08:34

*Lots if debt, little savings.

3 kids, 3 maternity leaves and a big house move in past 6 years.*

^^ this

However i know all about dh debts, earnings and finances and vice versa. We are actively job hunting for promotions which will add 10k each to our annual salaries so that we can attack our debts harder, save and live well within our means

0lapislazuli · 16/09/2018 08:34

Why do you not know what your debts are? You’re married, surely you should be both keeping an eye on finances? How can you two just spend money without knowing if you’re going into debt? If he’s not good with money, you should have taken control months ago. Being in debt is not a small thing, it can have far and long-reaching consequences.

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/09/2018 08:35

We have one dc and another on the way, we both work, me 4 days and DH full time. No debt other than mortgage, but we do have a credit card which we pay £100 off each a month - it's interest free for 30 months so we won't end up actually paying any interest on it. It was/is used when we moved into a house that needed renovating.

Come December we will also have a car on lease at £230 odd a month between us.

We also have childcare to pay for.

No real savings so to speak of (although DC has a small pot of £1k which we could borrow from if needed) as we are using all of DH's shares money from work to pay for the work on the house we have recently had done, and I've been saving regularly each month but that money has also gone on the house. This will continue for the next two years (the shares, not my own savings) and after that we will be in a good position of having quite a bit in shares (circa £10k a year).

Herja · 16/09/2018 08:35

No debt other than the house. I skint myself painfully to continue adding to savings, of which I have 2.5k. I add £200 per month, to do this I have £200 per month for food and bills.

With stbexh, we were heavily in debt. This terrified me and I will do anything to make sure I'm not again and have a cushion for problems with the house, sudden expenses, annual bills.

Ellapaella · 16/09/2018 08:37

Late 30's mid 40's, 4 kids between us (2 you get DC are ours together).
We lost a lot of money from selling houses and moving after the property crash so had to start again with new mortgage using all our savings as a deposit (this was 6 years ago now).
Now we have a joint income of around £120k before tax. Mortgage is about £1200 pm.
We have about 6 months salary in rainy day savings at the moment.
Only debt is mortgage and car loan (DH has car loan mine is paid off)
No credit cards or any other debt. Holidays etc are saved for and paid off and not put on credit.
We have two big family holidays a year.
We are putting a lot of money aside for 2 older DC who are late teens now for uni and driving lessons etc.
We are very very lucky but haven't always been so comfortable. Before I met DH I was a single parent working the bones of my arse as a nurse struggling to make ends meet, often having nothing left at the end of the month - in those days savings were a pipe dream.
I think for us the main thing was paying all debt off while we were still in 20's/early 30's and making sure we didn't take on anymore after that. We have been luckily enough not to need to.
We are both NHS workers so have both paid into NHS pensions from early 20's.

Original poster
MrsMaker88 · 16/09/2018 08:37

Its very varied isn’t it.

I had a breakdown a few years back, I was managing all the finances but I’m not natural at it and I couldn’t cope with it all alongside everything else at the time. I was not in a good place so not all decisions were the best!

I have been through his post now. I left it all pinned to the fridge and left the house for two days telling DH to come and meet us when he’s ready to discuss it all. He says he barely slept last night. I really hope that’s not because there is a deeper issue but I have buried my head in the sand for a bit till now and I need the complete truth. My own credit rating is the highest possible, I checked it this week.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 16/09/2018 08:38

Mid 30’s with 2DC, a teen and a KS1. We have a modest mortgage and two fairly average FT incomes. We have about £1.5k of a loan to pay off and about £10k in savings.

10 years ago the mortgage was on interest only, we had several credit cards, a large loan and I only worked PT. We had to completely change our mindset and prioritise what was actually important for our family rather than any keeping up with the Jones’ bullshit.

Good on you for making an effort to sort it out. Good luck Flowers