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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pretty fucking unhappy about DP’s fantasies about his ex?

65 replies

LaBellaCinderella · 15/09/2018 22:14

DP has an ex that he had a “very physical relationship” with.

It was way before we got together, a year or so ago, and I don’t think it was anything more than sex.

But he talks about her, sometimes during sex that he is fantasising that it’s the three of us together etc.

I get that he might fantasise about her. That’s normal. But why tell me?!

I need to tell him I don’t like it, don’t I?

(I am utterly shit at making my needs/wishes known. I’ve had a series of abusive relationships and was really hoping I hadn’t done the same again)

OP posts:
tinatsarina · 15/09/2018 22:43

Em fantasizing about an ex in a new relationship seems abit weird to me. Is he definitely over her? Threesomes as a fantasy or real life act are normal if everyone's game for it. The ex thing not so much.

sirmione16 · 15/09/2018 22:45

No the ex thing is weird and bloody disrespectful to you. What he gets off to in his own time if up to him, but when it's the two of you involved he shouldn't mention her. Tell him straight.

tinatsarina · 15/09/2018 22:45

Sorry posted to early. Yes tell him and I'm sorry about your past relationships but him fantasizing about an ex isn't abusive unless he's putting you down but comparing you to her and criticising you because you aren't her.

ThanksHunkyJesus · 15/09/2018 22:45

Yuk. I would ditch him. He's trying to push your boundaries.

MrsStrowman · 15/09/2018 22:45

That's not normal OP that's awful!! I think I'd literally just get up and leave the room, if he doesn't know why he's a moron

Travis1 · 15/09/2018 22:46

This is an early relationship? Tbh I wouldn’t gang about, he sounds like he’s still hung up on the ex

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/09/2018 22:46

Huh? I need to tell him don't I ??? How did you not stop mid shag the very first time and say "wtf? Major turn off, climb off me and leave you clueless bastard and go home* ??

Skittlesandbeer · 15/09/2018 22:48

I think you need to introduce an ex or two to the ‘fantasy talk’. Make sure it’s a proper orgy, with full participation from your lads.

Then add random people- old dude next door, the lady from the local shop, his dentist.

Keep going until he fully appreciates how unsexy it is.

QueenOfMyWorld · 15/09/2018 22:51

Urgh fuck that!

AnyFucker · 15/09/2018 22:53

You need to ask ? Hmm

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 15/09/2018 22:55

The only fantasies I have about my exes are that they could all be a bad dream 😁

Growingboys · 15/09/2018 23:02

OMG I would not stand for this!

HermaphroditePug · 15/09/2018 23:07

Well even if you tell him and he stops he’s still going to be fantasising isn’t he?

There’s no way I’d stay with someone who I knew was thinking about someone else, much less an ex.

Claw back from self respect ffs. Dump him.

HermaphroditePug · 15/09/2018 23:07

*some

BeenThereDone · 15/09/2018 23:09

That's horrible. Don't allow this situation to continue or u can start by calling him your exs name during sex... See how he likes it

AngeloMysterioso · 15/09/2018 23:11

Fucking hell, get rid.

Blameanamechange · 15/09/2018 23:14

I need to tell him I don't like it don't I? You need to dump him don't I? Is what you should be saying. He's a dickhead. Break the cycle kick him into touch.

2BorNot2Bvocal · 15/09/2018 23:18

Bluntly he has zero respect for you. Cut your losses.

aperolspritzplease · 15/09/2018 23:45

You need to get rid, he clearly has no respect for you at all!

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 15/09/2018 23:57

Bloody hell I'd have gone ape! It was bad enough when my dh called me his exes name when he was shouting to me to pass him something as they'd been split up years before we got together, I was fuming and made sure he knew! You need to do the same OP, it's not ok!

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/09/2018 23:59

"I think you need to introduce an ex or two to the ‘fantasy talk’. Make sure it’s a proper orgy, with full participation from your lads.

Then add random people- old dude next door, the lady from the local shop, his dentist.

Keep going until he fully appreciates how unsexy it is."

THIS 100% then dump him

Namechangingagainjustbecause · 16/09/2018 00:00

If this is true then you are a chump. Why would you put up with this? Dump

Aquamarine1029 · 16/09/2018 00:01

Sorry op, but you are crazy if you don't dump him. This is totally fucked up, abusive, creepy behaviour. It's time to raise the bar.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 16/09/2018 00:02

A year or so is not ‘way before ‘ you got together!
That aside he is being a total dick. How fucking dare he talk like this? I’m sorry to say but I think you are in another abusive relationship

Botanicbaby · 16/09/2018 00:06

It isn’t “normal” that he’d fantasise about an ex whilst with you, no. It’s seriously fucked up. I think you need to work on your needs/boundaries!

Do you do that back to him? How do you think he’d feel if you did? Please don’t put up with this shit.

He sounds awful.

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