Fucking sick of having to have awkward conversations due to no fault of my own

[DaanSaaf]

Twice this week it's happened. Firstly I realised my childcare provider was invoicing me 4 weekly instead of calender monthly. I spoke to them when I realised and got the impression they thought I was trying to rip them off.

Then I got a message from an ex-manager slagging off my now-manager. We all work for the same company but in different departments. As much as I'd like to tell him to fuck off, I have an upcoming interview with him

Aibu to think people who put you in awkward positions should fuck the fuck off?

I think you should chill out.

Sounds like you're making mountains out of molehills.

That's helpful. I didn't go into detail for obvious reasons, I'm sick of getting dragged into awkwardness that's not of my own doing. Is that really unreasonable?

That's outrageous! How very dare people make you mildly uncomfortable a few seconds? How very dare they?

It's not often I use the phrase, but First World Problems.

People should be clear about whether they mean calendar or lunar month at the outset of a contract but seems you've dealt with that one now. As long as from now on you pay when she wants I don't believe she'll think anything more of it.

As far as ex manager slagging off current manager is concerned, the ex manager is being highly unprofessional to try and drag you into his petty issues. Rise above that one ! Tell him or her that he/she is being unprofessional, never mind gossippy and undignified, and that you're not interested - or else ignore.

Nothing vaguely awkward about situation 1.

Situation 2, change the subject, don't slag off colleagues.

All sorted.

I used to work somewhere were we had 'matrix management', which meant that many managers could ask you to do stuff.

Was a nightmare, of course, as you never seemed able to say to manager 1 that you were engaged on work for manager 2.

The system was binned off after 18 months.

I was a childminder until recently..
It was in the contracts with parents that they paid me 1st of the month, this was in the contract they signed at the beginning.
What does your contract say?

You didn’t have to have either awkward conversation, to be fair. You wanted to correct a mistake to make your life easier in situation 1 - you could have just paid 4 weekly instead, but it’s easier for you if you don’t. That’s a perfectly ordinary conversation and happens all the time - we have four options for our mortgage payment and have changed it a lot.
Second situation you just ignore the sniping and get on with whatever the meeting is about, surely?
If you could help me out with the conversation terminating the volunteering of a great friend who is endangering the youth she volunteers with by turning up hammered, that would be great though.
Or the one to persuade the bed wetting 16yo that he needs to see the gp.
Or the one with the physically disabled 14yo with an anxiety disorder about the necessity to ask for help if she needs it on a five hour flight to one of the busiest airports in the world where she will be expected to make own connections?
Or the other volunteers who we pay insurance and membership for but turn up for an hour every two months and we can’t afford it?
Or the one where I have to explain to fifteen sets of parents that they haven’t been pulling their weight in the fundraising they committed to over the past year, so we have a 10k hole in their child’s trip budget that we have three months to fill, on top of the already committed full fundraising calendar?

I wish I had a bill to reschedule. Really.

Oooh, are you a major people pleaser?

Both of these non-events involve you not people pleasing. Both leave someone else feeling pissed off with you even though you were right.

Tackle your people-pleasing issues and these things will not bother you for more than five minutes and a quick rant to a colleague over half a cup of tea before you start talking about TV or Mavis's fabulous new haircut.

The first thing should have been made clear at the start. Not sure if that was your job or theirs?

The second thing, not really your thing, though the dick who messaged you is trying to make it so, keep our of their fight and let it go.

I have been in situations where the other person is clearly in the wrong and is clearly trying to shift the blame onto me, and yes that totally sucks, but not sure if that's happening here. Maybe with the first thing, the second is just silly indiscretion.

I should have clarified. With the 1st example, the ccp had worked out the fees for the year (I pay less in the holidays) then divided it by 12 to save there being different amounts in different months. I realised the other day that my invoices were coming 4 weekly, meaning I would be paying 13 times in a year. Ccp tried to argue that it made no difference and I felt awkward explaining.

Second one, I don't feel like I should have been put in that position. It made me feel shit that I was put in a spot where a reply was expected and I couldn't win either way. Fwiw I did ignore in the end.

Reading these replies though, obviously I'm unreasonable and should just get on with it!

I know exactly what you mean OP. I got a bollocking this week for not sticking up for Director 1 when Director 2 claimed that he had not done something, when he had (I was there - I am director 3).

I had opted not to engage in the row because it was nothing to do with me, but still I ended up feeling like shit.

Why they can't grow the fuck up I'll never know.

DaanSaaf, I understand what you mean, these people made you feel awkward, it wasn't that the conversation was, it was that you had to have it.

Mamaryllis do you need to be in competition with the OP? Should posters pile on to give you their vexed situations which may be much worse than yours?

Mamaryllis I'm sorry about the problems you're having, but mumsnet is a place to ask advice and vent for me. Sorry my problems aren't important enough for me to moan about

The CCP is either bad at maths or is trying to play a fast one. I can see why you might feel awkward since explaining basically means 'you're thick or you're trying to rip me off.'

But the fault is hers, whether by error or otherwise, so you're not the one who should feel bad.

And no you shouldn't have been put in the second position but I don't think that one's worth fretting over too much, and like you say you've ignored that.

Does make me wonder if these are the straw that broke the camel's though? Does this happen to you all the time or have you had a bad run lately?

Does make me wonder if these are the straw that broke the camel's though

Probably. I'm pissed off that other people's actions are making me feel like shit and giving me anxiety when I didn't cause any of it iykwim

One of my SIL is so PA towards me it is foul. I’ve done a huge amount for her parents whom I love/ loved very much but she is infuriated by this despite me keeping it all very low key.

I am utterly sick of being in the wrong for absolutely no reason other than existing. And sick of everyone pussyfooting around her so as to keep the peace.

YANBU.

I'm pissed off that other people's actions are making me feel like shit and giving me anxiety when I didn't cause any of it iykwim

I think so, yes. I have some quite big problems to sort out in my life. I know it's not a competition but I think redundancy, when you're single and there's no-one else around to help, is a fairly big problem. But the things which stress me are quite often more minor. They're things which should be fine, but which aren't, because someone stupid and inconsiderate fucked up.

It's like I'm using up a certain amount of energy sorting out the big issue and these minor things are just sapping any energy I have left. And yes, they're minor. But I shouldn't have to deal with them at all, and there's other shit to sort out.