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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends OH

84 replies

AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:31

My friends other half recently started sending me daft stuff on WhatsApp. By daft I mean silly memes or videos of people falling over. Stuff that’d just make you chuckle then you carry on your day, sort of thing. This past week he’s suddenly upped his game and has started sending me porn videos and memes. I spoke to him in person about it and said to drop the rude stuff, didn’t want his other half getting the wrong idea. Now he has completely gone silent on me. I don’t know if I’ve embarrassed him or he’s in a huff (he has form for this). It won’t be because he’s realised they’re inappropriate as he said he deletes the whole thread and she never sees what he’s sent, so he already knows they’re inappropriate. AIBU to avoid him? How would I explain it to his OH because she would notice as I see them a lot and she would ask what’s up?

Thank you

OP posts:
covetingthepreciousthings · 15/09/2018 15:33

So you still have the thread on your phone? I'd show your friend.
That's disgusting behaviour.

mumtimesthree · 15/09/2018 15:34

To be honest I would open up to her and tell your friend what her other half has been sending you. It's not like he's cheating on her, but it's definitely strange and if it's going to get in the way of your friendship she has a right to know what's happening. It's best to avoid him but surely that doesn't mean you can't still see your friend?

YouTheCat · 15/09/2018 15:34

He's a massive twat who is trying to get in your pants.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/09/2018 15:35

Yuk

He is clearly not a very D H is he ?

You have warned him away - now watch and wait .

Ugh 😑

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 15/09/2018 15:35

I would suspect friend would support dh and make it all your fault tbh!
My friend's dh did similar, sent me a dick pic for my birthday ffs!!
Backed away and became unavailable to both of them.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 15/09/2018 15:35

He sent YOU porn and you are worried about telling her? He should be the one worried. He was trying to cross a line with you. You did right to tell him back off but you better tell your friend too before he spins this story in his favour .

Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:36

@covetingthepreciousthings

I do still have the thread. If I show her she will be absolutely devastated and seriously, seriously pissed off.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 15:36

I’d show her. He’s a creep.

Rainycloudyday · 15/09/2018 15:38

Show her. Down the line when he cheats on her she will come to you for support and this will come out then. She is your friend and you owe her honesty about who she is with. It's up to her what she does with that information. He sounds vile.

Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:38

@Aprilshowersnowastorm

That’s what I’m worried about tbh. I don’t want him to spin lies if I have pissed him off by embarrassing him IYSWIM.

OP posts:
WetPaint4 · 15/09/2018 15:39

Just have a clear the air chat with him. Or, act completely normal with him and let him be the one to act different in front of your friend. He's probably just embarrassed but if you just carry on as normal he'll realise you're both moving on from it. But if he still can't get over it or he starts doing it again there's probably more going on.

Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:41

@SnipSnipMrBurgess

I don’t think he’d be worried as I think he knows how to manipulate her in to believing him and only him. I’ve seen his eye when he’s pissed off and can tell he’s highly manipulative (well, I KNOW he is as she’s told me)

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:45

@WetPaint4

I spoke to him in person about it. He looked a bit surprised that I was mentioning it.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:48

@YouTheCat

This has been one of my worries as he sent me a completely inappropriate message last week, an actual text message rather than a meme or video.

OP posts:
Anastassiabeaverhausen · 15/09/2018 15:49

How good of a friend is she op? I'd be inclined to show her and then back away from the friendship if she doesn't believe you. I feel like you can't win in the situation. One day she'll realise what a dick he is but it might take a while.

Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:51

@Anastassiabeaverhausen

She’s one of my closest friends. I’m having issues with another friend at the minute and she’s been fab with advice.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 15/09/2018 15:56

I would show her, but expect that somehow it will be your fault, because the alternative will be it's his and she may not be able to deal with it!

Original poster
AnnabethChase · 15/09/2018 15:58

I’m gonna have to think it over carefully. There’s an awful lot of hurt that could come from it all. I don’t want that.

OP posts:
IndieTara · 15/09/2018 16:02

Op if it was me and my OH doingthis id want to know

lovetherisingsun · 15/09/2018 16:02

What is it with some men and sending porno vids? You should show your friend - I'd be fucking furious/devastated if my "d"h did this too.

Peanutbuttershake · 15/09/2018 16:05

I think you should tell your friend too. If she's one of your closest friends she'll understand why and would get upset if you didn't. What an absolute creep.

tiredybear · 15/09/2018 16:06

It's not you that's creating the hurt, it's him. if she is as good a friend as you say, surely you should be a good friend back and let her know what he's been up to.
It's humiliating her to keep it a secret, making her look like a mug.

Ngaio2 · 15/09/2018 16:07

As long as he does not send you any more OP, I would just let it go.
No doubt he’ll try it on with someone else at some point and she’ll come to you for support.
Telling your DF won’t achieve anything except spoil you friendship. F

NotAgainYoda · 15/09/2018 16:16

Why would you talk to him about it? By talking to him you are creating an intimacy and secrecy between you - which is what he wants. Tell her, if you are any kind of friend to her

NotAgainYoda · 15/09/2018 16:18

And he is cheating on her already