To end a marriage over sex (or lack of)

[Castleinthesky10]

Name changed for this
Feel like shit. My husband has gradually lost his sex drive and is just not interested. I thought it must be me so I have lost a stone (also did this for me) and I back to my pre pregnancy weight
I have also had my fango waxed as a desperate last resort as he has always wanted me to do it.

Tonight I came down in some sexy new underware and a g string to show off my waxed bits and he says ‘can we just have a cuddle I am knackered”. Go to sit next to him and discover he has not even got a bit of a hard on.

I am sat upstairs now and just devoured a huge bar of chocolate as I am now thinking what is the point in looking good and keeping the weight off. I also feel stupid I went for a wax for him thinking it would turn him on. It fucking hurt.
We have talked about this but he is always too tired or says I am being too full on. He also accused me of going to bed to early which kills the mood so I have made an effort to stay up and go to bed when he does but nothing
He works full time and runs, cycles and swims a hell of a lot and he is never too tired for those.

I am so fed up of being knocked back and don’t know if I can carry on like this.
It is a great father, providers and we laugh together. He tells me I am gorgeous every day and when we are on a night out I will catch him looking at me from across the room and he will smile.
He is perfect (well as near as dam it) in every other way but I am 34 and not ready to be celibate yet

Perhaps you should suggest an open marriage, since he doesn't want sex and you do - you can find a FWB and he can be celibate and you can remain married.

"OP, trust me. Most blokes would be all over you like a rash if you dressed in a g string, shaved! ....... Jesus"

And if you dont?

im 45 and my marriage has not been physical since 1996.

It used to bother me greatly. After losing a lot of weight in 2002/03 i had an affair which lasted from the summer of 2003 to New Year 2008.

But it doesnt bother me anymore......................And its precisely because of the expectations there are of women now. I want no part of a dating world that wants women to "wax my pussy till its raw" (direct quote from Gone Girl) the thought of being with a man again in this way now frightens me to death because of things like this. I also had an ONS in 2014 and the sex was painful. What with this and the shaving/waxing hair expectation. Nah Fuck Off. DH is 23 years my senior Ex OM from early 2000s was 17 years my senior. I prefer older men and part of the reason for that was how many men my own age treated me when i was younger. And i can see that things havent changed In fact its got worse. The removal of pubic hair never even came up in conversation with DH or ex OM.

DH and i get on and have a companiable relationship.

I get nervous and distrustful of other men and these new expectations just rubber stamp this.

DH had health problems including COPD He had a heart attack in 2006.

Ive come to terms with how things are and knowing how shit the dating world is now has been helpful in this regard.

I left my 20 year marriage last year after it had been sexless for 14 years. Honestly it was the best thing. We have remained good friends and he has now come out and is very happy with his new partner. I started OLD earlier this year and have met some wonderful men and am now very happy in a relationship. My new partner is a lovely man - he is kind, intelligent, funny, caring and we are having fantastic sex. After years of zero self confidence and feeling lonely and puzzled I am so glad that I took the decision to end it.

It’s not you OP, it’s him. Nothing you do will make a difference. Every time there is a thread on this, loads of women indicate a similar problem.You haven’t caused this.

I think porn is an issue as his earlier experiences probably involved porn, given he was 25 before he had sex. Couples with an active sex life are lucky, but I am not sure they are in the majority. Everyone I know says their sex life has dwindled almost to nothing.