School dinners. Can staff really do this?

[SoyUnPerdedor2]

Trying to keep it vague as haven't been able to get a meeting yet.
My dd returned to school after summer holiday. Same school she has been to, for a couple of years. Since she a tarted age 4.

Same staff. Same head. Same catering team.
Small village school. Single class intake.

Dd is key stage 1. So gets free dinners. All ks1 get them.

Dd has a dairy allergy. She has had this since birth. School are fully aware and kept her dairy free in the previous years.

Yesterday, I got a phone call after lunch. Asking me to collect dd as she had got an upset stomach and had pooed in the classroom.
As soon as I got near her, I could smell poo. Not normal poo, but the awful smelly stuff she made as a baby, before we got her allergy sorted.
So I asked what she had eaten. Macaroni cheese. Normal macaroni cheese. With real cheese.
Apparently, she has been taken off the allergy list, due to a paperwork issue?
School haven't updated her care thing, so gave her normal food. Knowing it would make her poorly.

Who is my issue with here?
School? Teacher? Office staff? Catering staff?
Dd is not old enough to fully understand food restrictions. She usually asks if it's OK for her. But with new kids starting, lots of noise.. I would not put the blame on her.

Oh fuck off kate

Seriously @keyboardkate you want to exclude a child just because she can’t eat dairy. A really easy food allergy to manage? Stop being a goady fucker

Sorry that it happened to your DC but no harm came of it

The child was ill. That is harm.

Why not home school these children?

Because it’s that simple? Maybe the OP has a full time job, that is required to keep a roof over their heads?

I’d be going to the head. That’s disgraceful. And all the class will go home telling parents that your child pooed herself in class. I remember a child doing this and (shamefully now as an adult 😪) how everyone laughed. They made her ill. That’s utterly awful.

I do not understand the people saying "no harm done". A little girl was given a seriously upset tummy (enough to have an accident) and could have been a child who's allergy was life threatening. Yes, the OP should be calm when addressing the issues, but should be firm to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I honestly blame the rise of people who choose to live gluten/dairy etc. free lives or those who say they're allergic when they simply don't like something, for the rise in mistakes happening with people who have genuine, serious allergies.

They are minimising the seriousness.

I can't understand why some people are minimising this. I think the buck stops with the Head, who should ensure that this won't happen again.

And why the hell should a child effectively be excluded from a mainstream school experience just because she can’t eat dairy? A child in my DD’s class is coeliac, should she be homeschooled due to a medical condition too?

In my area, the school kitchen staff are employed by a different part of the council and so the Head of the school doesn't actually have management responsibility for the kitchen staff. You could check yor own council website and see if that's the case where you are. That could give you another angle to pursue. I suspect the paperwork error came from there.

That said, in a small school where your child is known, it is really odd that none of the staff picked up on this omission. In the small schools that I'm familiar with, this would have been noticed by both the Head and the School Cook.

I think your DD took the meal in good faith, as she has done for several years. Dairy-free macaroni cheese looks like the real deal so why would she question it.

Keyboardkate
Home school ffs. It is for the school to make the relevant adaptions as it would be for a child with a physical disability. What you are suggesting is the slippery slope to segregation between “perfect” and “imperfect”. The Nazis euthanised the imperfect.

If none of the staff have changed then surely someone should have noticed? Esp in such a small school. School are en loco parentis whilst yr dd is there so is their responsibility. I would have said its between the ta in the canteen and the serving staff. Sorry to hear that your dd has been unwell because of their incompetence. As others have said you will have to drill dd so that she always asks whats in food wherever she eats. This could happen at friends houses, parties etc. They are totally in the wrong but use it as a learning curve and it may serve to protect her in the future.

YADNBU and I would expect a meeting, an apology, them to explain how it happened and what steps they’ve taken to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Its very serious. And it could have ended up a lot worse for poor DD.

They need to sort this out asap.

@keyboardkate Are you really suggesting that children with allergies should be forcibly isolated from their peers?! Good grief.

Thanks for all your replies.
And to those asking if she is ok. ? .
Too early to tell.
Her stomach still looks like a football. But she is breathing and drinking ok.

She checks labels on food when we shop. Obviously I check too, but she is learning. She is a young 6. She has been "fed" by these adults for 2 years, so would trust them to give her "safe" food.
She would also ask, but if she wasn't heard above the background noise, she wouldn't raise her voice. Wouldn't want to upset anybody by shouting.
It was the head who "brushed it off" as a paperwork thing. He has only been head for 4 or 5 years.

Ultimately the Headteacher, as they are responsible for the running of the school. Admin needs to have been sorted - yes mistakes happen, but it's not good enough and the health & safety of the children needs to be paramount. But I would also wonder why the catering staff didn't question the fact your DD, who they have known for a number of years as having an allergy, was having macaroni cheese. Seems communication as well as paperwork breakdown.

I personally think that kids without allergies are invisible, and just get on with it. They watch some of their schoolfriends every day getting special this and that, and then they come home and say WHY is X getting that, it looks great, but I have to have Y.

A simple "so and so has to have that because they'd get very poorly with what you eat would suffice.

Perhaps don't raise children to want, want, want what everyone else has (even debilitating diseases and disorders)

Yes all the kids I know are jealous of their pals' gluten free dairy free meals. You're a GF.

Every year the parents at my school have to contact catering to discuss menu options available to children with special dietary needs. Parents who need medicine administered to their children do the same thing. The reason for this is things often change and parents don't inform the school! Sometimes parents need to take responsibility for their own child instead of expecting the school to have a crystal ball 🙄

I personally think that kids without allergies are invisible, and just get on with it. They watch some of their schoolfriends every day getting special this and that, and then they come home and say WHY is X getting that, it looks great, but I have to have Y

Yes, because they are in the privileged position of being able to eat those things without being ill. I’m sure the children with allergies would love to be in that position too.

Ultimately the Headteacher, as they are responsible for the running of the school

The parents have a responsibility to actually inform the school FFS

No I am not suggesting that. But sometimes the effect that kids with allergies have on their peers can be tough for everyone else. Cannot be helped, but parents have responsibilities too.

If they are not happy with their child's school because of the way allergies are dealt with, there are alternatives. That's all I'm saying.

Sounds like Kate struggles with the idea of helping children understand differences. No wonder her children feel they are missing out if they are being raised in such a sheltered way!

If the head isn’t taking it seriously then write to the chair of governors and lodge it as an official complaint

@kayboardkate I bet the OPs daughter didn’t feel invisible when she basically shit herself today. I bet she doesn’t feel invisible with a bloated stomach. I bet she doesn’t feel invisible all weekend when she has audible wind. Because she’s not invisible. I dread to think your opinion on vegetarian children or those who follow a religious diet. Some kids eat different things if a child queries why someone gets something different it’s realy easy to explain without making it sound like they are getting something special

OP I hope your daughter gets well soon. I’m glad your working with her to build her confidence in self managing the condition. Maybe talk to her this weekend and say after Friday she needs to make sure she gets an answer before eating anything. Even if it means piping up a bit louder

Definitely go to the head. My DD is nearly 8 and has similar issues and is only now beginning to understand that other people don't make the special food. I don't have many positives to say about her Infants Head but in this regard she was brilliant. DD managed to swap a yogurt with a friend, and she rang me straight away apologising. Having dairy free foods in some respects confuses them so they don't understand. We cook with alternatives and so do some of our friends as they also have issues.

Speak to the Head, allergies tend to be something they are very reactive to if they screw up. A paperwork screw up really isn't good enough with regards to allergies and they were lucky your DD wasn't the type to go anaphylactic.

Hope your DD is feeling better now.