Is this rude?

[Mumtotwofurbabies]

Want to know if I’m overreacting 🙂. MIL comes to stay, looks out into the garden, and says I’m just going to get my gardening gloves and weed your flower bed for you. Later says this is ‘because you (or DP) haven’t done a proper job I’m afraid’. Genuinely don’t know if this is normal behaviour or quite rude , I was offended at first and we managed to convince her to teach DP how to weed properly as a compromise lol

@takemontakemeon. I would also find this incredibly rude....guess that makes me uptight, but then I wouldn’t say this to others which I guess is part of the problem 😂 far too British and polite

@lowtide I would argue in this context they are, I could interchange dusting with gardening, raising children, cooking etc and make the same point ,

Yes it's rude, but on the upside your gardening is being done.

My MIL tried this with housework when we were first married. Until she clocked I was basically letting her be an unpaid cleaner.

Just go round her house and start dusting in a PA way them!
Be even better if you bring your own specialist duster
You could say “this does a better job than the old thing you’ve got hanging around for dusting here”

The going round to the MILs house to dust analogy is daft. The MIL insinuated that the Op and her son were shit gardeners. Not just her DIL.

Duck it doesn’t matter whether she said it about both the OP and her DH, it’s still rude.

You don’t go into another person’s home and criticise how they take care of it. Regardless of whether you are related to them or not.

Rude from an acquaintance- not from a family member, surely? And you get the weeding done. And the fact that she had to show do how to do it suggests that he hasn’t done a particularly good job!

Yes rude from a family member Bertrand!

If walked into my parents or in laws houses and criticised their gardening, housekeeping or decorating skills they’d all be furious with me and quite rightly.

If my mum had said "You two have made a right pigs ear of that border-I'll get some gloves and sort it out for you" I would have been delighted.

Depends how good your relationship is

My relationship with my parents and PIL is very good. We’d still never talk to each other that way.

Offering to help in the garden is fine. Telling someone you’re doing it because they made a poor job of it is something else.

I don’t have a problem with people who know more about stuff than I do telling me how to do stuff.

I don't think it's rude Nonagrey. But then I don't take offence at every single thing.

If my mum had said "You two have made a right pigs ear of that border-I'll get some gloves and sort it out for you" I would have been delighted

Indeed. That's how some families talk to each other. No criticism intended and no offence taken.

Looks as if we grow thicker skins as we get older! Thank goodness - it must be exhausting to be perpetually offended.

But then I don't take offence at every single thing

Me neither Duck, just rudeness.

I wouldn't class this as rude.

My DIL pushed me out of the way last weekend whilst I was trying to pipe cream on to a cake. I was making a mess. She said fgs give it to me!
Some of you would think that was rude then?

Entirely depends on the tone with which it was says and the relationship you have with your DIL. As you didn’t find it offensive it’s fine.

The OP in this case clearly didn’t think it was ok. Otherwise she wouldn’t have bothered with the thread.

It’s not offering to weed that’s the problem, or even telling them that their weeding was substandard. It’s the peremptory manner.

My mil is exactly like this! Whenever she comes she insists on cooking, gardening, moving things around in the house (because her poor son isn't being adequately looked after by me!!!) It used to bother me, but now I just enjoy the free labour, nice food and having a free gardener :)

Ps. Yes it is incredibly rude and there is no way I'd do the same if I was a guest in someone else's house! :)

I can see why your DiLs love you, Duck.

I'd show her where the lawn mower is, while she's at it.

"because her poor son isn't being adequately looked after by me!!!)"

Not exactly the same then, because the OP's MIL said they were both crap gardeners!

I think she sounds nice and good intended if she was mean or snide she wouldnt be helping. i'd let it go and be happy she is kind and helpful.