Is this rude?

[Mumtotwofurbabies]

Want to know if I’m overreacting 🙂. MIL comes to stay, looks out into the garden, and says I’m just going to get my gardening gloves and weed your flower bed for you. Later says this is ‘because you (or DP) haven’t done a proper job I’m afraid’. Genuinely don’t know if this is normal behaviour or quite rude , I was offended at first and we managed to convince her to teach DP how to weed properly as a compromise lol

Send her to me, she can do mine!

Oh, it’s fine, for heaven’s sake. Why find things to be offended by? You admit that you hate gardening!

Ah some people who are gardeners really ITCH to sort things out! They don't mean any harm, and when they say it to me I say "thanks!"

At least the woman is not commenting on the cleanliness or lack thereof of your house/kids/whatever.

It is obviously something she likes doing, so have the gloves, trowel and so on ready for her visits! No harm done at all. Each to their own.

Thanks! Don’t get me wrong if I thought the garden needed doing and asked her to and she said yes I’d be delighted, or even a polite , I’m at a loose end today so is there anything you need doing in the garden? Without wanting to drip feed...her sister was in the room and conversation was along the lines of ‘where did I put those gardening gloves as I’m just going to give their beds a weed’ at first I thought she was talking about her house not ours 😂🤔. This is one of a few examples that extend beyond the garden shall we say, so unfortunately can’t put it down to being a keen gardener! As I say I’m not overly bothered but just wanted to know if I’m going mad or not for thinking this is rude....turns out I’m not judging by most responses!

This is something FIL would say. He'd say it because we are crap at gardening. He would do the weeding and DH and I would think nothing of it apart from being glad the garden has been weeded.

Some people are just offended at everything.

Some of these stories remind me of my dear departed mum. She would turn up at mine and my sister's with bleach, mop etc and clean the toilets and bathroom!! Because nothing we did could be up to her exacting standards.

Still miss her.

Haha....aw bless, yes it’s amazing how many similar stories there are on here. Just wait until I have adult children and I’ll bet I will be just the same 😂

Yes absolutely it's rude and unboundaried.

You have a choice about how to respond.

Boundaries schmoundaries. What nonsense. It's a woman who's old enough to call a spade a bloody shovel and not care what anyone thinks of her.

bluelady Problem is, that tends to work in one direction only. There's nothing mature or clever about dishing this out if you can't take it. And of course, the OP could not speak to her MIL like this. Which puts it in the ballpark of bullying if she is like this constantly.

Why on earth couldn't she? I can't believe how easily offended some people are.

"No it's not rude. Just as if you were cooking something and she thought she'd teach you the right way to do it. Or hanging a picture "no you haven't done that right, let me show you". So many precious MNers. It's not rude to show someone how to do something properly"

I'd find it incredibly rude if you came to my house and passed comment on how I'd hung my pictures. Do you have many friends?

I think the point is, if I was at her house and brought a duster along and said to my DP over her head, I’m just going to give the halllway a dust....well, I just wouldn’t as I would see that as very rude, let alone saying later I’m afraid it hasn’t been done properly ( to be fair often they haven’t been) 😂. Maybe I should try doing that and report back on the reaction I get. But seriously I wouldn’t dare I would feel so rude! Perhaps I’m too sensitive though 🤔

Ah Marydollnesbitt had to come on and say what a great Dad! Top man!

I've friend who called me "bone idle" for paying someone to weed my garden
Couldn't give a fuck, just said "Yep!"
(Because I'm not bone idle, she knows it and she's a great friend)
She's bringing compost and rose food next visit.
Job done!
Let you mil get out there and weed away and when she's done yours... any chance of a loan?

Yes, rude! She just didn’t have to say the last sentence!
However, you can respond with “oh no, I deliberately left it for you to do, I’ll get you another cuppa when you’re ready”

I don’t think dusting and gardening are the same. I know my mother would start weeding without asking! And I would bloody love it! She’s so much better at it than me. And loves it.
You could just say, it’s ok, I am doing it over the weekend, I was saving it for a treat to myself. Equally PA!

Who cares?! Let her do it!

Haha this made me chuckle, MIL does this Every time she comes round but I honestly love it and go help her as I haven't a bloody clue about gardening so need to learn from her.

My FIL does this when he visits, and I love it. Tbf though, I am both crap at gardening and lazy, so he’s totally right. It gives him pleasure, and it gives me pleasure to have a nice garden without the effort.

I think the point is, if I was at her house and brought a duster along and said to my DP over her head, I’m just going to give the halllway a dust

It's not the same though OP. Your MIL is saying it about her son too. Honestly don't let this turn into something it isn't.

takeonmetakemeon plenty thanks! I'm not an uptight cow**

Maybe she's just trying to be helpful. I don't think it's that rude. Depends what tone of voice it was delivered in I guess. Anyway I'd get on and let her do it! Weeding is boring.

Why on earth couldn't she? I can't believe how easily offended some people are.

Because people who talk like this are often people who believe they're entitled to respect. So they will make a tremendous fuss if you hand it back.

Sorry nonplussed but that really isn't the case. I'm quite a lot like MiL and absolutely love it when I get as good as I give. Respect isn't about kowtowing.