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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nurse getting too close?

65 replies

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 14:53

I think probably most people would tell me I am being silly, but she had no sense of personal space whatsoever - I had to take my clothes off for a procedure in hospital this week and she stood too close talking to me whilst I was getting undressed (less than half metre away) which made me feel very uncomfortable and then during the procedure stood by my face despite me asking her to back away. She needed to be approx 1 metre away but wasn't listening to me saying how unhappy I was becoming. The procedure was abandoned as it freaked me out too much and then she did the same thing when I was trying to dress.

She was perfectly nice and was fretting over me being there on my own, she's a nurse and wasn't nasty in the slightest, but this would make most people freak out wouldn't it?

Perhaps I should have warned them I have intense personal boundary issues. I did try to say during though.

Bleugh, I have no idea if I was BU

OP posts:

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 14/09/2018 14:57

Well if you weren't comfortable you weren't comfortable so it doesn't matter what other people consider reasonable. Its odd that she stayed as you undressed though, they usually leave the room or pull a curtain/screen across. I wouldn't be too happy with someone staying.

OraangeSoda · 14/09/2018 14:58

Perhaps I should have warned them I have intense personal boundary issues

Well yes, that probably would have been a good idea.

LIZS · 14/09/2018 15:00

It seems strange that you got so anxious the procedure was abandoned. Might you have fixated on the nurse due to other stresses? Having said that unless you physically needed someone nearby while you changed she should have respected your request for space.

missyB1 · 14/09/2018 15:00

She may have had to be very close to you during the procedure for medical or technical reasons which you may be unaware of.
I’m not sure why she stayed with you whilst dressing/ undressing but maybe she thought chatting to you whilst you did this would help?

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 15:06

I really don't know - I don't think I've ever been in that situation before so didn't think to prewarn them. I thought it was basic protocol to let people change in peace. I was twisting myself to be able to take everything off as best as I could with 2 eyes up close!

I'll write to them before next appointment so this doesn't happen again.

I assume I got an extremely motherly nurse with lack of personal boundaries who saw me as some starved little sparrow

OP posts:

CrochetBelle · 14/09/2018 15:09

Had you been drinking?

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 15:18

What do they come too close if they think you have been? It was a routine appointment.

I just wondered if anyone else would get freaked out by the lack of privacy. It was just an internal test.

OP posts:

seventhgonickname · 14/09/2018 15:19

I think you need to be clear next time.
To be fair to her mist people who are very anxious due to fear of the procedure would find it disturbing if the nurse stood a meter away and didn't help reassure them.If you need that she stand well back then you need to be clear.

Skarlet2018 · 14/09/2018 15:20

I really wouldn't like somebody watching me getting undressed.

Becca19962014 · 14/09/2018 15:21

I would have been the same but I have severe medical and dental phobia, and despite telling medics this it's generally viewed as some sort of joke and ignored, so whilst you could have mentioned it that's no guarantee it would have been respected.

AspieHere · 14/09/2018 15:21

YANBU. Whenever I've had to get undressed, the nurse or doctor has moved away and pulled the curtain, or I had to go to a side room and come back out in a dressing gown. When they come back when you are settled and on the couch or whatever. She was weird and it would have massively annoyed me too.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/09/2018 15:22

lack of privacy
If you’re in a private room eg not flashing dozens of people in the waiting room, if the healthcare professional needs to see me naked then I get naked. They don’t care about my wobbly bits and I just care about getting better.

CrochetBelle · 14/09/2018 15:22

If they thought you'd been drinking enough that they were concerned you could hurt yourself...

Eliza9917 · 14/09/2018 15:23

but this would make most people freak out wouldn't it?

No but everyone has different levels of things they are comfortable with.

You should have spoken up more if you weren't happy.

Usernc12 · 14/09/2018 15:23

I'm a bit the other way, the HCP tries to be all considerate and I just whip my clothes off. So I normally just say something to explain along the lines of had lots of treatments...

Perhaps just best to flag up you need a bit of space.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 14/09/2018 15:24

Sorry pressed post too soon.
I’m sorry you found this so traumatic though. Im sure she didn’t mean to make it so hard on you.
When you did try and explain, what did she say?

UpstartCrow · 14/09/2018 15:25

You're not being unreasonable and if she thought you were drunk she should have asked you to sit in a chair.

Esspee · 14/09/2018 15:30

It is most definitely not normal for staff to be with you whilst undressing and dressing.

Are there any more facts we should be aware of?

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 15:32

Crochet no of course not!

Hodge I was taken aback during undressing for it as I wasn't expecting her to be present and stand so close.

It was during the procedure that I directly asked her to move away from my face and she didn't so it triggered my claustrophobia and I just abandoned it. Don't understand why she watched me get dressed afterwards as well, I thought I'd made it clear enough.

I'll put it in writing to them as I have to have done soon (appt booked), but not as a complaint, just warning to let me change by myself/not come too close

OP posts:

Skarlet2018 · 14/09/2018 15:32

I would complain about this. All patients are entitled to privacy and dignity, there's really no reason to watch somebody get undressed. I'd speak to pals.

LoveAGoodChat · 14/09/2018 15:33

I don't think have liked the nurse staying while I got undressed and probably would have stood with my back to her to try and give myself a sense of not being watched,

Do you have a medical issue where she might have thought you needed assistance with dressing and undressing?

As previous poster said she may have stood there during the procedure as she may have been needed for some medical reason that you aren't aware of, plus she may have thought you may find it comforting and less stressful/scary to have her there close by for support?

MargotLovedTom1 · 14/09/2018 15:38

Why are people going on about the OP drinking?

She should've given you privacy to undress (and dress again) and been sensitive enough to pick up on your discomfort.

Lovemusic33 · 14/09/2018 15:38

When ever I have had to remove clothes I have been given space, usually the nurse leaves the room whilst you undress and then you cover yourself up with a blanket?

I’m not really bothered about being seen naked but having someone stood there watching me get undressed would make me feel uncomfortable.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 14/09/2018 15:41

OP - no that's really weird. I have always been left alone to dress and undress for medical things.

ladycarlotta · 14/09/2018 15:41

I've never had a healthcare professional stay and watch while I got undressed. I've had all sorts of gynae and physical examinations, and the protocol always seems to be that they leave the room/pull the screen across so you have your dignity in changing, even if they're shortly going to get very intimately acquainted with some part of your anatomy.

This doesn't sound right at all and I do think you should feed it back to managers or something. Not that I think that her intention was necessarily sinister, but it's an invasion you don't need.

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