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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nurse getting too close?

65 replies

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 14:53

I think probably most people would tell me I am being silly, but she had no sense of personal space whatsoever - I had to take my clothes off for a procedure in hospital this week and she stood too close talking to me whilst I was getting undressed (less than half metre away) which made me feel very uncomfortable and then during the procedure stood by my face despite me asking her to back away. She needed to be approx 1 metre away but wasn't listening to me saying how unhappy I was becoming. The procedure was abandoned as it freaked me out too much and then she did the same thing when I was trying to dress.

She was perfectly nice and was fretting over me being there on my own, she's a nurse and wasn't nasty in the slightest, but this would make most people freak out wouldn't it?

Perhaps I should have warned them I have intense personal boundary issues. I did try to say during though.

Bleugh, I have no idea if I was BU

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 14/09/2018 15:42

I think you need to be v upfront if you have issues re space/privacy. As some (not all) female HCP's expect other women to not feel self conscious in front of a another woman & forget people have different boundaries . I'm going off my exp (& a relative's) in hospital. We both got a lot of eye rolling & sighing over undressing on our own. Neither of us were so ill we needed someone present or any help. We both felt vulnerable anyway, huge noisy ward was un nerving & that compounded it, as I'm used to my female GP pulling curtain & so is my aunt. .

Foodylicious · 14/09/2018 15:43

I would write to the practice manager or senior nurse of that department and ask them what normal procedure should be as you don't feel it was followed today and it left you so uncomfortable you have had to make another appt.

EstuaryBird · 14/09/2018 15:44

I would have felt very uncomfortable. I'm OK in crowds because there isn't the room for people to stay out of my space....but when there is plenty of room and somebody is in your space without good reason then I would find that very uncomfortable.

Just wondering though if the nurse might come from somewhere where personal space isn't really a 'thing'? I still tremble when I remember a week in Manila - lovely people but always too close..

butterflysugarbaby · 14/09/2018 15:46

I am sorry you felt like this OP. I doubt that the nurse meant anything bad - or sinister.

Can you book it again (your procedure) and ask for another nurse?

The nurse really should not be watching, even though she probably meant no harm, as you are entitled to privacy.

It's like when me and my kids used to go swimming when I was in my early 30's and the were 5-10 y.o, there was always some bloody woman - a generation older than me (or more!) who thought of showering fully naked in the (female) communal showers, and could not fathom - or accept - why others were not comfortable with it, did not want see it, and did NOT want to shower naked in front of total strangers!!!

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 15:55

Next procedure's already booked, it was just a bit of a waste of a day for both NHS and me this week.

I wouldn't put in a complaint as such just say in writing to please respect my personal space.

Nurse wasn't horrible, just was fretting in my face about me being there on my own and wouldn't give me any space (I get this quite frequently as I'm quite tiny and just look 'vulnerable'). I didn't need anybody there!

Like I said I'll put it in writing to make sure next appointment goes smoothly but not official complaint. Don't think she was really listening to me.

Anyway thanks people, just wondered his you'd feel :)

OP posts:

Chouetted · 14/09/2018 15:56

YABU, I tried to tell a nurse once while coming round from an operation to stop stroking my arm as I have slightly impaired touch sensation and it was actually really hurting me.

"It's my job", she replied.

I may have yelled a bit at her after that Why she decided her job was to not listen to me about my own personal boundaries, I'm still not sure.

And yes, I double checked with an anaesthetist after. Stroking your patient like a cat is 100% not medically required when coming round from a GA.

Chouetted · 14/09/2018 16:00

I meant YANBU!

Ohyesiam · 14/09/2018 16:03

O wonder that if you put it o writing it would just get lost on the system.
I would say to the nurse “ I’d like privacy to get some undressed, I have but g issues with personal space.” And before the proceedeure starts day” I need you to stand well away from me or I’ll get claustrophobic.
I used to be a nurse and Ive never stayed with anyone getting changed, only if people need to be dressed. Which is unlikely out side a ward scenario.
she was getting it wrong, but it sounds like it was unintentional.

OhTheRoses · 14/09/2018 16:07

I have never ever had a nurse, dr or hcp watch me undress or dress. I think she did overstep a boundary.

MrsHoodwink · 14/09/2018 16:07

Totally understand this op, I’m not a cuddly touchy-feely person and don’t find any comfort in it.

When I was in an awful situation during pregnancy which was very upsetting... whilst I had an internal examination with a probe a nurse came up and tried to hold my hand/stroke my hair

I was mortified as I really didn’t want to be touched not even by my partner. I had to say something and was really embarrassed about it. She was just in the room with the examiner for supprt which I appreciate, but theres people that just can’t understand that some of us don’t want a cuddle to feel better

Thinking of you op must’ve been really awkward for you and clearly still on your mind

Prestonsflowers · 14/09/2018 16:14

You are definitely not unreasonable.
I’ve just measured half a metre from my body and that’s too bloody close!!

PinkAvocado · 14/09/2018 16:14

I think two things are wrong here:

she shouldn’t have watched you get undressed or been so close whilst you were doing so. Dignity and privacy are important.
once you explicitly told her to get back and mentioned feeling claustrophobic, she should have done so as you’ve said she didn’t need to be so close.

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 16:15

@MrsHoodwink thanks chickpea :)

Hopefully next appt will go better.

OP posts:

mostdays · 14/09/2018 16:22

but wasn't listening to me saying how unhappy I was becoming

No matter how nice she was nor how kindly meant her behaviour was, this is not right. You listen to your patients, the only time you don't do as they have asked is if it would be unsafe or otherwise inappropriate to do so.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 14/09/2018 16:26

I think it was odd. I've had tons of medical appointments lately and have to strip off and no one has ever stayed in the room, just pulled the curtain room given me a minute and come back in. The same getting dressed. I think I've gone the other way now and just strip off! I did have a couple of lovely nurses offer me their hands to squeeze if I wanted it for two different things and I declined each time and they were absolutely fine about it. It was nice to have the option though.

Rebecca36 · 14/09/2018 16:29

I wouldn't like someone so close to me if I was dressing or undressing but I'd say, "Please let me do this on my own, I'll call you if I need help".

Had she been virtually in my face during the procedure I would have asked if she could step back a bit because I felt hemmed in.

ElBandito · 14/09/2018 16:29

I’ve had several internal exams and I’ve always had privacy getting undressed and dressed. I did have a nurse insist on holding my hand during one of them, and I hated it.

Popc0rn · 14/09/2018 16:37

Very odd, I've never stayed and watched a patient undress/dress. Were there no changing areas? Curtains?

Write a letter explaining that you didn't feel the facilities/staff were very good for privacy and dignity, and that it would be a good idea if patients had a private area to get undressed/dressed.

flumpybear · 14/09/2018 16:37

Next time if it happens again just say can I get undressed alone please. I get ridiculously overly hot when I feel hemmed in and a bit uncomfortable so really hate this too - don't feel bad about asking for privacy though

MissConductUS · 14/09/2018 16:45

I would never watch a patient undress either. Standard procedure is to put them in a room to change with an exam gown and then they come out when they're ready.

She really should have been much more attentive to what you wanted OP.

Papergirl1968 · 14/09/2018 16:55

I wouldn’t like that either, Lobster.
It’s normal to feel anxious when you going for some procedure or test, plus there’s embarrassment if it’s gynaecological, so no wonder you were stressed out.
Some patients might have felt reassured by the nurse’s proximity (although IMO it’s weird for her to stay while they’re changing) but you told her it was making you uncomfortable and it was very unprofessional of her to carry on.
Hope you’re ok now.

redeyetonowheregood · 14/09/2018 16:59

the only reason I could think of was if she was concerned about something...abuse, self-harm or similar, and wanted to see if there was any evidence?

mum11970 · 14/09/2018 16:59

What kind of undressing are we talking here? A nurse probably wouldn’t leave the room while you took a jumper off but generally would if any kind of nudity was involved. I would also assume how close and where the nurse needs to stand would depend on what the procedure was and whether she was there purely as a chaperone for the doctor.

HoleyCoMoley · 14/09/2018 17:06

How many clothes did you have to take off, when I go for an internal I wear a skirt or dress so I just need to take my undies off, the nurse or doctor just turns away or does something else while I do that, maybe she thought you needed help or was looking at you trying to see and assess how anxious you'd become.

Original poster

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 17:17

mum11970 knickers.

I didn't want to say that initially as apparently there are knicker trolls on here but I'll be damned if I'm ever having to shuffle around in embarrassment pulling off a pair as discretely as I can again with someone half a metre away. It just started to trigger a deep sense of unease in me.

Anyway never mind, tests will be completed next time. Just went a bit wrong this week.

OP posts:

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