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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nurse getting too close?

65 replies

LanguidLobster · 14/09/2018 14:53

I think probably most people would tell me I am being silly, but she had no sense of personal space whatsoever - I had to take my clothes off for a procedure in hospital this week and she stood too close talking to me whilst I was getting undressed (less than half metre away) which made me feel very uncomfortable and then during the procedure stood by my face despite me asking her to back away. She needed to be approx 1 metre away but wasn't listening to me saying how unhappy I was becoming. The procedure was abandoned as it freaked me out too much and then she did the same thing when I was trying to dress.

She was perfectly nice and was fretting over me being there on my own, she's a nurse and wasn't nasty in the slightest, but this would make most people freak out wouldn't it?

Perhaps I should have warned them I have intense personal boundary issues. I did try to say during though.

Bleugh, I have no idea if I was BU

OP posts:
HoleyCoMoley · 14/09/2018 17:25

Just ask them to leave the room and knock to see if you're ready Flowers

smurfy2015 · 14/09/2018 18:15

Yanbu - that would freak me out.

Saying that I had a procedure last week and had to have an enema beforehand, as I am a wheelchair user 2 nurses came with me to the disabled treatment room, they both helped me get undressed as I struggle with that and put on a backless gown, they both stayed with me one standing each side of the treatment bed where I was given the enema but explained the reason why they were doing this and why they were so close and apologised as knew I might be uncomfortable.

The reason, in this case, was the treatment bed in the disabled treatment room with adjacent toilet had no sides of any kind, I only had half my body working and so if I moved there was a likelihood that I could easily roll off. We all chatted as they stood there and discussed CBB and how Ryan Thomas deserved to win esp as he showed how gentlemanly he was despite the way he was treated by RP - when I was ready for toilet I slowly was helped up to sit on side of bed, one opened the bathroom doors and checked to see if I could walk that far (nope) so the other put an incontinence pad over my wheelchair and into bathroom where they helped me transfer and waited outside while I did what I had to do. They then brought in the trolley and transferred me to it and covered me in blankets as I was cold, back to pre-procedure unit, I was made as comfortable with it as possible

As the procedure was being done with an offer of gas and air if needed (sigmoidoscopy) one nurse was close to me at top of the bed to check I was OK all the time, she was close but that was because she needed to be usually during that she said she watches the patients eye whites? I think and I was wearing an eye mask because of photophobia (aversion to light caused by migraines) and there was a chance another attack could hit on top of original, as it causes stroke-like symptoms I warned them my BP could rocket, it was already very high and my speech could go and what to do and not to abandon procedure if needed I gave them a sheet with 1 sound for yes and 2 for no, she needed to make sure I was with them and had gas and air which I actually couldn't take as the gas makes me agitated and not good when there's a camera up your rear end so I asked could someone put on a radio and myself and the nurse sang our way thru the procedure which took 20 mins as biopsies were being taken, the surgeon talked away to me as well during this warning me when I might feel any pain and I did deep breathing.

2 nurses helped me dress and got me something to eat and drink as had been fasting for 15 hours at that point)

I ended up spending another 2.5 hours in the unit as my BP was still very high and to get it down as I was the last one in the unit, 3 of the nurses came and sat down with me and we sang along with the radio till it went a bit lower than I came in with, I arrived with BP of 199/160 so not good but it was a lot higher for several hours even an hour after procedure while sitting back on armchair with my feet up on wheelchair - deep breathing and drugs helped

Yes they had to stay close to me at times but I know I am a high fall risk and as the procedure started the surgeon asked about the bruise on my bum and I hadn't a clue what he was talking about, so someone got a mirror and showed me and as far as I can tell was a remnant from a fall at home a few weeks back - I regularly floor hug.

However I am used to getting naked in front of carers and other professionals - I know I need the help and when there are days where my anxiety or depression are overwhelming they will help me do what we call NEW (non exposure wash) just do the bare basis and help me get into dry clothes/bed (as I'm incontinent) and they help just uncover bits to wash like armpits etc (atm I can't use my left arm its hanging limp) so my arm has to be lifted and washed underneath, dried and deodorant applied and

Hope you are OK @LanguidLobster, definitely make it clear next time - bring it as a pre-written statement that you can change without help and that you don't feel comfortable with someone invading your personal space really close.

From my MH side of things, during several years I spent most of the year in hospital in late teens / my early 20s and many times ended up on 1-2-1 (level 4 obs) and occasionally 2-1 and after that level I would be moved to the intensive care psych ward - this is defined as staff had to remain within arms length of me 24/7, sitting at the end of my bed, going to toilet with me, trying to get me to shower, talk etc the longest I ever remained on obs at one time was after a drug reaction and that was 7 weeks straight with someone by my side 24/7- this was used many times to protect me from my worst enemy (myself) and is one of the reasons I am alive today

I attach Circles - it shows you what is roughly the spaces and You are definitely not being unreasonable at all - she didn't take heed of your discomfort and if there was a reason to be that close (prob not) she should have shared it

Nurse getting too close?
GreenMeerkat · 14/09/2018 20:01

Can't say I have ever had a nurse stand next to me while I undress for a smear or anything like that. They have always left the room or drawn the curtain so I don't think YABU!

Tutlefru · 14/09/2018 20:56

Hmm this hasn't ever happened to me during personal examinations. Curtain always closed to let patient undress in private. Ask when ready.

I thought it was all about maintaining patient dignity?

Skarlet2018 · 15/09/2018 01:13

Something similar happened to me many years ago. I arrived on the maternity unit in labour. The midwife asked if I had any bleeding as they do. When I replied yes she actually held her hand out. I was confused until I realized she actually expected me to remove my pad in front of her to show her.

Lunde · 15/09/2018 15:22

I think that a lot depends on the situation of where you are and what the procedure is.

When I went for a mammogram last week I got undressed in the room with the nurse and there were no curtains or anything. The procedure itself is pretty physical and requires the nurse to be very close to get you in the right position.

PinkAvocado · 16/09/2018 07:26

Lunde-even with a smear, they let you remove clothes without them watching so I don’t think the proceedure itself is linked.

PoxAlert · 16/09/2018 07:48

YADNBU

I've always had the same nurse for my smears but also had internal scans, bikini waxes etc.

And in all cases they've left the room or drawn the curtain while I've undressed (way over analysed where to put my pants.....) and got up on the table with my towel/paper. Then asked if it's ok to come back in.

And why on Earth was she near your face if she needed to be at your vagina?

I'm pretty chill but that would certainly make me feel uncomfortable!

Hope the next time goes how it should for you. X

Emilizz34 · 16/09/2018 09:29

Yanbu at all. I’m a GP practice nurse so carry out a lot of procedures involving the patient having to be partially undressed. I always go outside the door while they get undressed as do all my colleagues .
Occasionally someone may require help to do so but I only do this with their permission if they look like they need help or if they ask me .
I recently had a patient in for an ECG who seemed very uncomfortable at the thought of removing her top and just having her bra on. I always keep a patient’s breast area covered with some paper roll.
Anyway she didn’t want to remove her top and wanted me to apply the 6 chest leads underneath her clothing which would have involved me putting my hand up inside her clothing without being able to see what I was doing . Very intrusive in my opinion so I declined to do the ecg in this manner and she left without getting it done .

Lunde · 16/09/2018 15:45

PinkAvocado: Lunde-even with a smear, they let you remove clothes without them watching so I don’t think the proceedure itself is linked.

Not where I live - there was no separate changing area or curtains when I had my smear last year.

PinkAvocado · 20/09/2018 02:12

Lundy-did they not even face away though? I think that’s quite unusual.

steff13 · 20/09/2018 03:19

It wouldn't be the norm here in the US. I've never had a doctor or nurse stay in the room while I've gotten undressed. Even for an intimate exam, they leave the room and give you a paper drape and paper shirt to cover yourself with.

Nightwatch999 · 20/09/2018 03:55

Clearly bigger issues than the nurse going on here OP. Airway Management is always priority in any procedure, hence why she was close to your face. The only other thing from my experience is she remained due to sedation or anxiety?

stevesmithisaverynaughtyboy · 20/09/2018 04:13

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Papergirl1968 · 22/09/2018 22:40

Are you ok, Lobster?
Have you been for your new appointment?

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