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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I move on from the realisation that I will never achieve anything academically that means something to me?

96 replies

Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 17:59

Just that really. I'm 30. I have no qualifications. I've been offered a place on an Access to Combined Sciences course, but I won't be able to take it. I really will never be able to have a career that means anything to me at this point.

I'm useless, pointless, defunct and worthless. The best I can hope for is just to potter along until death.

How do I move on?

OP posts:

PipeTheFuckDown · 13/09/2018 20:08

OP - I’m 32, single parent to 3DCs, middle one is an Aspie with PDA, I have MH issues. My youngests father isn’t around at all.

Last year I did Access Science. This year I’m doing Microbiology at an RG Uni.

I was offered Medicine with Foundation Medicine at Uni (I want to be a Pathologist). BUT. Once the Clinical years start, I’d need 24/7 childcare due to shift patterns and being sent to various areas. The same for Junior Doctor years.

So you really can’t not think several steps ahead with this I’m afraid.

I stepped sideways into Microbiology and going into the NHS Scientist track after. Not exactly what I wanted, but close enough.

Bookishandblondish · 13/09/2018 20:16

What is the attraction of urology as a specialism? Why do you want to do that specifically?

gendercritter · 13/09/2018 20:17

What was it about urology that you felt passiobate about?

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 13/09/2018 20:20

Op I'm not having a go but this is a serious question. If you don't have the wrap around care to be able to do the access course how are you going to be able to manage a career in medicine?

ShastaBeast · 13/09/2018 20:32

Do online a levels instead. I’m studying for professional accountancy exams at home, started when the kids were small and got a job when they started school with wrap around childcare. It’s much cheaper than university, I have a degree unrelated to the field. I did it because it’s easy and cheap but I also enjoy it and it pays well with flexibility. It’s not my dream job because I needed to be realistic, but I’m happy and good at my job. Medicine is a bit all or nothing, what happens if you don’t enjoy it, do you have other ideas?

Snog · 13/09/2018 20:35

I get your current state of disappointment and frustration but It's really weird to say that only being a urologist will be any good for you and no other career is any good.

Most posters are probs not doing their dream job but it doesn't mean their jobs don't matter.

SouthernComforts · 13/09/2018 20:56

My OU degree is funded by a part time tuition fee loan from student finance England. If you sign up for a course tonight online, phone student support tomorrow and they will talk you through applying for your loan. Good luck OP.

6 Years ago I was a single parent to a toddler with multiple health issues, I never thought I'd be able to hold down a job around hospital appointments, never mind complete a degree and have a career. I am and you can, even if it feels like the longest 6 years of your life sometimes! Good luck.

ridinghighinapril · 13/09/2018 21:13

I'm sorry to say that having read your OP, I was shocked to read this in another of your posts:
My dream job? Urologist. The access course in combined science was to pave the way onto the access course to medicine which is accepted by my local medical school.

You will need to be able to face the challenge of overcoming hurdles to do the access course without the drama because the subsequent courses and training that follows (not to mention the actual career, itself) is going to be much, much tougher.

ridinghighinapril · 13/09/2018 21:36

Just to add, I realise that sounds very patronising but the escalation in workload can not be underestimated

vanillapieandicecream · 13/09/2018 21:44

With respect, until you change your thinking, nothing will ever change. You make your own luck. I signed up for one OU course, just to see. It was amazing and I took it one step at a time.

My DH took a tefl course one weekend. That lead him down a path to a completely new career, involving an OU degree that he never would have found if he hadn't done that one weekend course.

It's ok to be disappointed. It's not ok to wallow and remain defeatist.

vanillapieandicecream · 13/09/2018 21:45

Just do it. Click on the OU course. Who knows what might happen if you do?

😎

Holidayshopping · 13/09/2018 21:57

Medicine is usually a career that you consider when you are extremely academic and have a good stream of high grades behind you. It seems an odd choice in your situation when you are struggling for childcare for an Access course!

It’s almost like you’ve pinned all your hopes of happiness and self worth on something virtually out of your reach; like you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed?!

Why don’t you do one online Access course (why would you do 2?!) and see how that goes? See if the subject matter interests you, see if studying is something you’re good at-do you get good grades?! Little steps...!

EmeraldVillage · 13/09/2018 22:21

Your mum has been very unfair to encourage you with the promise of help and then withdraw it.

But you are being very defeatist. There are so many other jobs out there, I bet you don’t know half of them. One way to approach it is using some online tests, work out what types of activities you enjoy. This can help you work out jobs that would use those skills.

But also look most people dont have their dream job. I get some satisfaction out of my job for sure but the main thing is it pays me very well, the hours are ok and I don’t dislike it. And that allows me and my family to have a decent home, high quality child care and disposable income. It’s a means to an end rather than central to my core being.

WrongOnTInternet · 13/09/2018 23:00

I think you need time to get over the disappointment first. PP are being rather harsh to not consider that.

Airaforce · 13/09/2018 23:52

I think you need some counselling to help you process your thoughts and negative feelings towards your life. Being a parent of a SEN child is tough and challenging so you need support as their primary carer. There are organisations like mencap who can signpost you to services who can support you. Please do contact them and hopefully with the right support in place you can fulfill your career goals.

Snog · 14/09/2018 08:50

Maybe to move on, firstly allow yourself some time to feel disappointed as until the emotional reaction passes you can't deal with the logical stuff.

Then perhaps have some careers counselling about what you want from your career and what your priorities are eg
Do you want a career that offers flexibility and is family friendly?
Do you want to work with people?
Are you aiming to be a super high earner?
This may help you to see that there are other fulfilling careers out there for you which could be more achievable.
It's surely not a Urologist or die scenario.

boux · 14/09/2018 09:13

Can you not apply for the child care grant? You can get up to 85% of child care costs. My friend did this and it enabled her to go to uni (red brick + challenging course).
I would talk to the uni about your situation they may have options available.

But yeah, the first couple of years are just lectures but can be longer than 3pm. After that you do placements which can be more like 8.30-5 or even longer. So you would need to ensure you have something in place. On top of this you also need time to study. Obviously once you graduate it's not uncommon to be working for 15/16 hours a day. Not trying to discourage you but I would make sure you know what you are getting yourself into.

Neshoma · 14/09/2018 09:27

Why not look into nursing and become a Nurse Specialist in Urology?

Whilst your children are little get a job/experience in a care home. Urology is for all ages not just little kids. You may not like it!

chocolateworshipper · 14/09/2018 09:35

If you have no qualifications at all, you could always start with some Level 2 distance learning courses (Level 2 is equivalent to GCSE) - my local college offer them free of charge. Let me know if you want me to PM you with a link to the list of what they offer. I'm just thinking it might help boost your confidence a bit.

aintnothinbutagstring · 14/09/2018 09:43

OU has so many science options, don't know why you wouldn't consider one of those. Call them, you could start October! Don't be put off by the funding, they'll help you and its not that complicated. I did an accredited Psychology degree with them and I had a baby and a 3yr old. I'm now doing an MA with them, paying for it with a masters loan which was a doddle to set up. Start with a broad based module and then it'll give you time to consider other career paths, you might discover interests you didn't know you had.

starbrightlight · 14/09/2018 09:56

To say 'you make your own luck' is just not true and unfair to the op. Bad luck is completely random, what matters is finding a way forward which takes determination and strength if character and a solid plan for the future which you can stick to (especially during those times when bad luck threatens to derail you) in order to achieve your goals.

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