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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I move on from the realisation that I will never achieve anything academically that means something to me?

96 replies

Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 17:59

Just that really. I'm 30. I have no qualifications. I've been offered a place on an Access to Combined Sciences course, but I won't be able to take it. I really will never be able to have a career that means anything to me at this point.

I'm useless, pointless, defunct and worthless. The best I can hope for is just to potter along until death.

How do I move on?

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 13/09/2018 18:15

Do the OU Access To STEM instead. Realistically, given your difficulties with childcare, you would have massive problems going into a shift role in medicine, so take it a bit more slowly, go down the OU route, and it will be easier when your children are older.

OftenHangry · 13/09/2018 18:15

Firstly you should look at access in medicine straight away. You wouldn't get funding for 2 access courses.
You can do it online? There is lots of reputable distance study options now.
You are having a bad day. That happens.

glintandglide · 13/09/2018 18:16

I’m quite interested in this whole situation OP. Can I ask why you applied for a course you knew you couldn’t do? Wasn’t that just a waste of everyone’s time? Why did you quit your job when you knew it would leave you without any funds?

There are plenty of ways to achieve qualifications. But choosing ones where the teaching takes place at times you can’t possibly make and giving up your job so you have no income at really quite strange ways of trying to achieve them.

Feefeetrixabelle · 13/09/2018 18:17

Went back to uni at 32 best thing I ever did. It takes time but you’ll get there. You need to make a long term plan for your ds how will you work as a urologist once qualified? Start pushing for more support now

Parisbun · 13/09/2018 18:17

I learned to drive at 35 so that I could take up a place on an access course. This meant that I could arrive slightly late if necessary and leave early to pick up the kids.It was worth it because once I could drive it benefited the family hugely .

I agree. 30 is far too young to say "I will never achieve anything."

EmeraldVillage · 13/09/2018 18:19

Do you have family support?
Is there dad involved?
Is there money you can spend on getting eg a part time nanny/carer in?
Can you get on access to medicine with an OU access to science?

If you want to go to med school you’re going to have to find a solution as this problem presumably isnt going to change and Med school won’t be limited to 9.30-2.30

Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:20

Quit my job due to relationship breakdown and no care for my 15 month old any longer.

Applied because I was encouraged to do so by my mother who said she could do school runs for me as they wouldn't interfere with her work hours.

She told me this afternoon she's changing her hours so it's no longer suitable. Wasn't my intention to waste anyone's time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:21

Wasn't actually expecting to be offered a place anyway to be honest. I thought they'd suggest another route.

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 13/09/2018 18:21

OP, to be honest, and this is meant kindly, you may struggle to become a urologist whilst being a full-time carer with no support. Medical school and FY1/FY2 rotations are going to mean shifts, and potentially be harder to cover than a fixed hours access course.
That doesn't mean you are useless, stupid or unable to have a fulfilling career; it may mean looking at why you want to be a urologist and seeing where you could use those skills and passions in another area.
You could look at HCA or care work whilst your child is in school, working in research, or with a charity. You could still have a fulfilling career in a paramedical field helping others.

Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:22

The plan was for my mum to do school runs and care for my youngest until I could find a nursery, which may have been straight away as there's one on campus. It all seemed possible.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2018 18:24

Why did you quit your job when you knew it would leave you without any funds? giving up your job so you have no income at really quite strange ways of trying to achieve them

Exactly, so logically OP probably didn't do it for shits and giggles. Your post is rather patronising and rude

Feefeetrixabelle · 13/09/2018 18:24

It’s still possible just not via the route you’ve got in your head. Look at the ou and maybe concentrate more on an academic qualification than a practical one.

chipmunkcalling · 13/09/2018 18:26

Don't need childcare for ou, it's all at home, even online tutorials. Oh, and I was a single unemployed mum with a hyper 1 year old when I started, there are people starting next month, and I'm February that are 8n the same position as you, there's online Facebook groups for pretty much every module going, I have made a few friends while studying, it is well worth it

SouthernComforts · 13/09/2018 18:26

Why can't you do an online course OP?

ashtrayheart · 13/09/2018 18:27

Open uni.
I started with an access course - I graduate in 2020 with a degree in psychology (hopefully!)
It's very doable.

Boyskeepswinging · 13/09/2018 18:29

Have you asked the Admissions Team of your dream uni course what they recommend you do? Explain your circumstances and see what options they suggest. Admissions people are generally very helpful, particularly to people with challenging circumstances.

Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:30

I know I can get one Access course funded, that would have been this one. My mum would have lent me the funds for the second, though I would have saved as much as possible towards it.

I know it seems an unrealistic goal, but it's all I ever wanted to try to do. There are so many reasons why it would take the night to explain them. The two Access courses, should I have passed them, would have been my quickest route. I know there are other ways, and I know I can look into them, but for one shining moment I actually felt that goal become possible. I really never thought I'd even get onto this course.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 13/09/2018 18:31

Now you have you know you can do that level of study so you'll cope with online

glintandglide · 13/09/2018 18:32

Well there you go OP, this year you have had a major life upheaval- one of the biggest! It’s hardly the year to be taking on a complete change of career and full time training. Maybe things will change next year and you can look at it again?
Be kind to yourself. You can’t do everything at once

Feefeetrixabelle · 13/09/2018 18:32

Two access courses seems crazy? Surely it’s one and then uni?

Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:33

The college were happy for me to do them back to back if my grades were as they should be. The admissions officer said it was a great way to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puddingmama2017 · 13/09/2018 18:35

It really wasn't that big an upheaval. I was glad to be out of it. He made life harder and rather unhappy. It's much better now. And I wouldn't have had him holding me back so it seemed a good time to try I thought.

OP posts:
QueenOfCatan · 13/09/2018 18:40

I really feel for you OP. I was at interview stage for the Access course I wanted to do when we realised that we couldn't afford childcare for the year as there is no help for it at all.

You need to find another route, and there will be one even if it means waiting another year or so. Access Courses are not the only way to get back into education as an adult.

Have you checked to see if there is an online based Access Course that you can do? This site has all of the legitimate ones you can do and you can search specifically for distance learning and filter it again by subject:
www.accesstohe.ac.uk/Pages/Default.aspx

I wanted to do engineering so none of the legitimate online STEM based access courses suited the unis I was asking, but they may well suit yours as they are all very biology heavy (which was my issue). Though I strongly strongly advise you not to sign up to any access course without speaking to your preferred universities admissions teams as my local uni would not accept any access done via the OU and apparently they aren't the only ones, and they were picky about the ones I found and only approved one of the online courses.

Another thing you can look at is doing A Levels independently which is the route I was planning. You can download the syllabuses and just self study. You then pay for the exams and take them as a private candidate. You can sign up to premade courses too but they're quite expensive.

And another option is to do the first year of an OU degree which a lot of unis will accept instead of an access course, though I don't know if that is the same for medical courses, I've heard of a lot of people who have done it for other courses.

Is there an OU route at all? (I don't think there is for medical based degrees but may be worth asking).

MrBeansXmasTurkey · 13/09/2018 18:41

I dont blame you for being upset your mum let you down however as people have said you will have childcare issues throughout your studies and even when you are working. So you need to start working round that now and find a way to get reliable childcare or study at home as people suggest.

QueenOfCatan · 13/09/2018 18:42

Just seen your recent posts, if you were looking at two access courses and your mum was funding one then A Levels would take a similar time to that and if she was willing to fund an access course she could surely fund your exams? You only need three A Levels, presumably Maths, Biology and Chemistry?

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