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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How does your DP/DH respond when he sees you crying?

56 replies

Imsotiredofyou · 13/09/2018 16:33

Do you get consoled or dismissed? Does he wipe your tears with his hands or write it off as crocodile tears?

AIBU to ask?

OP posts:
Creeper8 · 13/09/2018 16:34

Depends why the person is crying?

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/09/2018 16:35

I rarely cry, even more rarely in front of people tbh. Whenever I have cried in front of DP he has always, always scooped me up and given me a hug. He then listens and is supportive.

Why do you ask? Are you ok?

lastqueenofscotland · 13/09/2018 16:36

My ex who I should never have ever broken up with would sit up with me all night while I cried about any old shit. Wouldn’t ever have dismissed it. Even though I did once while Seeiously tired and serious hungry after drivin 800 miles in a day burst into tears in Morrison’s beacuase they didn’t have a certain type of filled pasta Blush

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/09/2018 16:37

Are you ok OP?

Laiste · 13/09/2018 16:37

Depends on the situation. I cry quite easily and if we're arguing and i cry while i'm yelling putting my side across he'll ignore it. rightly so. And let me snivel it out while we both sulk for a while. I HATE that i cry when i'm angry.

If he sees me upset about something and crying at any other time he'll always respond with love.

brieislife · 13/09/2018 16:37

He usually rolls his eyes because I cry at literally everything. But he can tell when there’s something seriously wrong and would be concerned and try to help/comfort me.

Original poster
Imsotiredofyou · 13/09/2018 16:39

Yes I’m fine, thanks for asking. I haven’t cried for a long time in front of anyone. Today I was quite emotional and broke down in tears, couldn’t control it. It was a flood. Very embarrassing I realised I look really ugly when I cry so wouldn’t blame DH if he wanted nothing to do with me whilst I cry!

OP posts:
NonaGrey · 13/09/2018 16:41

“crocodile tears”??? ShockConfused

Crocodile tears are what children have.

Adults shouldn’t ever be pretending to cry or using tears to manipulate.

If a friend of mind was crying and wasn’t being consoled by her DH I’d think he was dreadful.

On the other hand if a friend of mine was putting on tears to manipulate her DH I would think she was dreadful.

Ariela · 13/09/2018 16:41

I would never ever cry in front of anyone, but if I did DH would be very caring.

gamerchick · 13/09/2018 16:41

In those circumstances, why would you think that? Big hugs from your partner when you're upset is good for you.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/09/2018 16:41

What did he do? I'm sure you didn't look ugly either.

Creeper8 · 13/09/2018 16:42

Tbh I have a friend that cries ar everything sometimes its really hard to say anything as its constant!

NonaGrey · 13/09/2018 16:42

I realised I look really ugly when I cry so wouldn’t blame DH if he wanted nothing to do with me whilst I cry!

Erm, that’s a really disturbing statement OP you aren’t only deserving if love, care and attention if you are pretty.

Bloody Hell.

TowerRingInferno · 13/09/2018 16:43

Says ‘don’t cry’ or ‘why are you crying.’ He’s not good with crying/emotion and I rarely cry in front of him.

ProfessorMoody · 13/09/2018 16:43

I cry a lot because it's how my emotions come out. He generally tells me to man up, or sometimes will tell me I'm pathetic, which I realise is far from ideal but it tends to be if I'm emotional over something ridiculous.

If there's a genuine reason to cry (bereavement, pain) then he's lovely.

Original poster
Imsotiredofyou · 13/09/2018 16:44

He was clueless. No he’s very caring, in general. Just doesn’t know how to respond to a crying woman.

OP posts:
1in4FrogsIsALeapFrog · 13/09/2018 16:44

I cry all the time! Well not all the tome but regularly. I’m one of those weirdos who cries at happy news and sad news. My husband describes me as leaky. He always consoles me, every time

HollowTalk · 13/09/2018 16:44

Crocodile tears are not always connected to children! I've worked with women who've turned on the waterworks, with one dry eye looking for a response. My ex mil was the same.

Twotailed · 13/09/2018 16:44

Mine would only ever comfort and support me. It’s upsetting you think your DH shouldn’t have to comfort you just because you aren’t attractive when you cry - hopefully in real life he would be lovely and kind. Hope you’re ok Flowers

Omgineedanamechange · 13/09/2018 16:44

DH would be horrified, and rush to comfort me/find out what was wrong. ExH would say “cry then, you’ll piss less”

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/09/2018 16:46

Very embarrassing I realised I look really ugly when I cry so wouldn’t blame DH if he wanted nothing to do with me whilst I cry!

That’s actually really sad OP, nobody looks their best when they’re crying, it shouldn’t make a difference!

I look like a puffy troll in the morning, he’ll still give me a kiss!

Kelsoooo · 13/09/2018 16:47

As PP, if I’m crying during an argument because I cry when I’m angry and can’t articulate myself, he’ll, again rightly, ignore it.

Any other time I get love and hugs, or ignored. Depends on what I’m demonstrating I need. If I verbalise I want to be left alone he won’t hug me, he’ll give me 10-30 minutes to see if I materialise, if I don’t, he silently places a cup of tea near Me. Then he’ll wait for me to come to him and talk, because he knows I just need my space.

I’ve only ever really surprised him with tears once, I came in from work, absolutely sobbing my heart out, and he literally opened his arms and held me crying until I could explain why.

I destroyed his brand new shirt, had mascara down my neck and on my shirt, foundation everywhere. Really fucking ugly type crying, but he just wiped my tears and then passed me some baby wipes.

If he ever responded with repulsion because I looked ugly when crying, well that’s a nail in the coffin isn’t it,

What’s happened OP? You say you’re ok, but something has driven this question, we can listen if you need it.

MiniTheMinx · 13/09/2018 16:48

Gives me a hug. I hug him too if he cries, I hate to see him in pain, I think he feels the same about me.

Kelsoooo · 13/09/2018 16:49

Useless as in cold and unkind, or useless as in.... looks confused and tries to offer a practical solution when you need emotional support

Big difference.

chaoscategorised · 13/09/2018 16:49

I'm a crier. At everything. My OH knows to completely ignore it if it's during an argument because it's just due to heightened emotion and I can't control it, laughs at it when it's at an advert about cats on TV, and any other time he just wraps me up in him and lets me get it out. Which is how it should go, I think - you are not required to maintain ultimate perfection at all times, nor pretend you don't have emotions. A lot of people don't know how to deal with crying so if it's just that he's awkward about it, I'd give him a pass or ask for what you need - "please give me a minute/can I have a hug" etc - but if it's because he doesn't thibtk your tears are... legitimate? which is what I'm sending from your questions in the OP, then I would be worried.