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Original poster

To find this a bit meh . Regarding my friends dc at Xmas.

81 replies

HowCanThisBeRight · 13/09/2018 09:55

We were having the Xmas chat the other day. And we were both saying how excited we were. Her because her 3 eldest 23-19-18 are coming home and she has a 10 +6 yr old too.
And me because it's my dd first Xmas., my DS not with his dad and we have dps dd.

I was saying about the ideas I have for kids etc.
And she said we'll my kids will not have toys or anything. Just clothes.
I asked why but confused and she said oh well they're always on their xbox, play station and I pads they don't play toys. So I got rid Of it all.
She then said they have x box, play station, tablets, pc, 32 inch TV each room with Netflix.(, phone for eldest) So there's nothing they need or want.

I felt a bit sad as I can imagine. Parcel after parcel Being clothes would be a bit meh for a 6yr old.

And also feel a bit sad that there's no imagination to play or Coloring or whatever.

I know this is none of my business and everyone does things differently, and I'm not judging. I just feel it's a little sad that, a few yrs ago a 6+10 yr old would of lived lego etc and not needed loads of tech to be entertained.

Don't get my wrong my DS is nearly 13 and he likes his tech. But it's limited.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 13/09/2018 09:57

Other POV is it’s sensible not to buy parcel after parcel of things that won’t be used

KingLooieCatz · 13/09/2018 10:01

It's really not good for a 6 year old's development that there only activity at home is screen based, and in their own bedroom at that, so on their own most likely. Play and interaction with actual people is essential to develop language skills, motor skills and social skills. It's really not setting the younger ones up for good habits in the long term.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 13/09/2018 10:13

You are judging though. Why pretend you aren't?

Original poster
HowCanThisBeRight · 13/09/2018 10:33

No I'm actually not. It's her choice. Her kids. I just feel a bit sad for the kids thats all. We've been friends a lot of years (25) and it's so different to her other kids Christmases

OP posts:
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 10:33

You are judging, embrace it!

I'm a bit torn on this.

6 feels very young. DS2 is nearly 10 and wants an ipad (he doesn't currently have them), a blanket and football nonsense.

DS1 has never really liked toys and has hundreds of pounds worth of unplayed with toys over the years. But he does like bikes, scooters, skateboards etc.

I like the
Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

Every year I say I do this and then buy random tat!

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 13/09/2018 10:44

No actually you are. It's the point of the thread Hmm "feeling sad" for her children is judging. Saying there is no scope for imagination is judging.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2018 10:47

I would be judging on that too.

Children do give up playing with toys at a much younger age nowadays, but at 6 there's still plenty of scope.

It is sad.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2018 10:47

And even the 10 year-old. No lego? Even nerf guns for outdoors!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/09/2018 10:48

The youngest will probably have lots of toys from the older siblings maybe?

charlestonchaplin · 13/09/2018 10:50

'Parcel after parcel' is as depressing to me as no toys but I recognise many have bought hook, line and sinker into the consumerist agenda.

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 13/09/2018 10:51

Yeah I do judge that. I really dislike this ‘oh well they only want screens’ attitude that some parents have. If they only wanted sweets or to never sleep or to play out unsupervised until midnight you’d say no but in bedroom, unfettered screens is fine.

I 6 year old should be having books and crafts and toys and outdoor toys/bikes etc. buying them clothes and leaving them in front of a screen is sad.

Kids are not mini adults, they can’t fully self moderate, they need our help to work out what’s good for them.

So you can not judge and I’ll do it for you Wink

KingLooieCatz · 13/09/2018 10:54

Yep, judgment is appropriate, not on the basis of what kids get given for Christmas, that's not the issue, the issue is a 6 year old with nothing to do that doesn't involve a screen. That is poor parenting.

churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 10:54

Yes the 10 year old will have lego. He wants the bloody Hogwarts set so will be disappointed!

They also both still enjoy soft toys and jokey naff things.

loveka · 13/09/2018 11:00

I'm a bit confused . Does meh not mean you don't care ?

ziggiestardust · 13/09/2018 11:06

I mean... you’re definitely judging Wink

But I expect the 10yo will be quite happy to have clothes etc, and so will the older kids. My DS is very excited at the prospect of new football boots for his birthday and he’s going to be 8.

The 6yo might not be into Lego or similar, and will just compare what they get with their siblings anyway. Depending on her house size, she probably needs to be quite careful what/how much she actually buys. I only have 1 and for his birthday last year, we had to open presents over 2 days after because his birthday, family party and friend’s party (whole class) was across the same weekend and the amount of stuff was actually insane.

Temerity123 · 13/09/2018 11:19

This does make me feel a bit sad. Screens have their place these days but it’s terrible for child development and their social lives if that’s all they can ever do. It might be what they want but they’re kids - they also want to live entirely on blue ice pops but that would be terrible for them too. Buying too many toys is a total waste of money but at least some craft or colouring stuff and a few bits ad pieces they can play with would make a difference. So i do judge this attitude. However, I also judge people who buy a ridiculous amount of toys for their kids every Christmas and birthday, so I’m a judgey twat in general.

Lovemusic33 · 13/09/2018 11:20

I think it’s a little sad that a 6 year old does not play with toys (just screens) but I guess having older siblings has made it harder to avoid. My brothers 5 year old spends more time playing computer games than playing with toys but he does have toys and doesn’t have a tablet. My kids are a bit older and don’t really play with toys, my 14 year old is getting her first games console this year and I have no idea what to get the 12 year old.

chillpizza · 13/09/2018 11:27

I think a 6yr old with older siblings has likely decided to copy and isn’t fussed about toys. My oldest has gone right off toys at 9 but we still have them all for the younger ones incase he changes his mind and wants to build some Lego or something. As long as homework is done and they still playout side I’m not too bothered. Technology is the future after all.

bookmum08 · 13/09/2018 11:31

I would class X box/Nintendo /playstation games as toys if that's what the children play with. And if the parents are happy with that then what can you do?
Well you could buy her kids some craft sets from The Works as a gift from you if you really feel they must have something crafty.

SomeKnobend · 13/09/2018 11:34

I'd have loved a load of new clothes as a kid, especially brand new. Maybe she knows what her kids like better than you do?

SnuggyBuggy · 13/09/2018 11:34

I would judge. I can remember going to a friend's house when I was 10 and she had literally no toys or books. I assume she must have just spent her spare time watching TV and worrying about her appearance. Sad.

Ragwort · 13/09/2018 11:37

I think your friend is just being sensible in buying appropriate gifts that will be used; I would judge far more harshly those who buy piles of stuff that might be 'educational' or 'fun' but are just never used. There is just so much waste and over commercialism at Christmas however as a Charity Shop manager I get excited at the thought of all those unwanted presents being donated in the weeks after Christmas, many still only half unwrapped Grin. (And you would be amazed at the volume of craft sets we are donated).

Ngaio2 · 13/09/2018 11:38

Great duck — OP quoted friend as saying she had got rid of all the toys

The boys now have no choice but to play on the electronic stuff, thereby seemingly justifying their mother’s POV.
Maybe the loads of pointless plastic stuff meant these children didn’t learn to play purposefully with anything much. One or two good quality toys that encourage imaginative play are preferable and surely would be more valued by these boys if those are the only toys they get?
By concentrating on clothes it also places undue emphasis on their appearance.
OP is it possible for you to give the boys a small surprise parcel each?

Ngaio2 · 13/09/2018 11:42

Ragwort — I get excited, too! I’m on a limited budget now retired and get most of my gifts, craft supplies and books from charity shops. Carefully chosen unused stuff is ok as far as I am concerned.
Elderly relatives love jigsaws which are unaffordable new.

Iamablanket · 13/09/2018 11:44

It's sad, and I'm judging. A 6 year old should be playing with a range of stuff, not looking at a screen all day. If they have nothing else it must be very hard to enforce any kind of limit on screen time.

Then again, I have a 14 year old who still likes Lego, nerf and anything star wars (as well as his Xbox) so I'm probably biased

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