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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need advice asap from police officer

131 replies

Studentnurse1981 · 13/09/2018 09:36

I'm very embarrassed and remorseful about this so please go easy ! About 6 years ago after my dad died I had a full breakdown and went into a shop and stole a bottle of perfume (no idea why as didn't need it) , I got caught and police were called to the store ( it's a big department store) , I was shaking and terrified and apologised profusely . The police said that the store had agreed not to take things further and the police said I must pay for the perfume and stay out the store for 9months . I never went back to the store for over a year and paid the perfume plus a bit more back to the store . I don't know why I enemy did this ? I have never even stole a penny chew from a sweet shop and have never been in trouble before with police or after . Iv worked for NHS as a HCA for 16 years and have now been accepted on nurse training course at uni . Thy are doing a dbs check on me now and I'm terrified that this will come up ? Can a telling off from the police be stored on the police database ? The police took my name and address just to check I had no previous convictions or record on that horrible day but they never made me sign anything or arrested me . Thy just gave me a stern talking too and told me to go on my way ? I know I am a horrible human for doing that but I promise Iv never done any other bad things and really want to be the best nurse I can be . I'm terrified this may come up on dbs check ? Iv googled and most people are saying A telling off does not show and you have to have been cautioned or arrested for that to go on your record ? Can anyone please help me as it's making me ill . Any police officers on mumsnet ??

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 13/09/2018 11:28

@shuthefrontdoor I don't know for certain but I think it would be more likely to appear than the OP's scenario. Simply because, although voluntary, it's an official interview with your name taken, recorded and signed etc. It wouldn't appear on a standard DBS but may well appear on enhanced. Although, depending on the job, and the nature of the interview, it's unlikely you would be refused employment solely on the basis of it.

LellyM · 13/09/2018 11:29

Hi OP,

From my experience, the Police can be very understanding if you pick the right moment. I would suggest you go to your local station and speak to the station officer to find out. If you go midweek and during the day they should be reasonably quiet so would be willing to talk to you. I know if someone had gone into the stn when my dad was stn sergeant he would have been happy to help and glad that you had chosen to ask advice. They don't bite!

GreenMeerkat · 13/09/2018 11:29

@Bettysnoop she wasn't cautioned.

IhatetheArchers · 13/09/2018 11:31

It will be fine. Our la employed someone who had convictions for fraud and possession of drugs in a job where they had contact with children. It turned out to be a big mistake, but that was nothing to do with their conviction.

I also know someone with a conviction for benefit fraud who went on to work for many years in a college.

shuthefrontdoor · 13/09/2018 11:31

Thank you greenmeerkat I have chased it again today. I have applied for a HCA position so similarly to the OP i am very anxious and it is with my current employer so hoping I won't be jobless!

IhatetheArchers · 13/09/2018 11:32

Forgot to say; the first person is a qualified social worker, and remains on the register.

Bettysnoop · 13/09/2018 11:38

@Cabochard I get that OP is remorseful but it doesn't change the fact that she committed a crime. I doubt very much that the police wouldn't record this as a caution as they need to keep a record as such should further instances happen.

The link I posted states that she wouldn't necessarily have to 'sign the caution' it's there in black & white.

It's ok you all telling her that it wasn't recorded on her police file, it's not you that would have to explain should be be questioned over not declaring it & therefore looking dishonest.

Like other posters said, she will no doubt be given the chance to explain, but come off it how many other people will also come up with a sob story in these circumstances which ultimately employers etc will be used to hearing all the time 🙄( I'm not saying OP's explanation re grief isn't true here by the way )... but it doesn't change the fact that she did what she did.

I hope that the university and more importantly future employers do take her seriously regarding her explanation but that can't be guaranteed.

If I was in OP's position I would for sure get a copy of her police record so she knows where she stands with it.

So I stand by what I said, which is unfortunately OP will have to learn from this & deal with the possible consequences of her actions however harsh that sounds.

OP just be thankful that it wasn't a much more serious crime & in future if you are thinking do irrationally that you aren't considering your actions please stay at home! Thanks

Buster72 · 13/09/2018 11:43

You are in the clear.
There will be no record.
Best of luck.

UpstartCrow · 13/09/2018 11:45

Studentnurse1981 You might actually need to talk to nurses and tutors. Even if your nursing course found out, I dont think this would bar you. Most people would understand the situation, and the fact you are remorseful and have made amends.
Good luck with the course Flowers

Original poster
Studentnurse1981 · 13/09/2018 11:49

Thanks everyone . I held my hands up and admitted I had done wrong and I feel utterly ashamed . I am an honest , hardworking law abiding citizen who made a giant mistake 6 years ago . I don't think it's fair that this could go against me but understand that what I did was very wrong . All I can do is wait and see and hopefully things will work out ? As I said up thread it's the one and only time Iv ever been in trouble with the police and Iv et much learnt from that mistake . Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Bettysnoop · 13/09/2018 11:49

P.S .... OP everyone fucks up from time to time, no body is perfect!

If everybody that had some sort of police record & was therefore unemployable I'm sure half of the country would be pretty much doomed!

Wishing you all the best for your future : )

TheOrigFV45 · 13/09/2018 11:50

Was there anything on your application form which asked whether you'd had anything to do with the police?

I presume applicants must have a chance to explain what a DBS check will or may come up with, or is it the case that anyone applying for a nursing degree has to have a completely clean DBS?

It all seems a bit woolly tbh, either you got into trouble with the police or you didn't. Either this impacts on your suitability to be a nurse, or it doesn't. A different officer might have cautioned you and made a report and that may completely bugger up you whole future?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 13/09/2018 11:54

OP universities are so used to dealing with this. Honestly, don't worry. It will be initially dealt with by course admin so it could be a good idea to speak to them for advice. Your tutors won't need to know at this point.
Yes we hear 'sob' stories all the time but we deal with each one on an individual basis.

user1492863869 · 13/09/2018 11:55

Just check what is recorded with the local police. It might or might not be on record. just check.

Even if there is anything, its not a barrier to employment in the NHS. If it came up you would be allowed to explain the circumstances and 100% this would not be barrier.

WhitefriarsDillyDuck · 13/09/2018 11:55

Its supposed to be done every 3 years.

No it isn't. In fact that can be seen as a poor use of public funds.

Original poster
Studentnurse1981 · 13/09/2018 11:57

As Iv said a few times the police were called to the store and the store said they did not want to take any action as I had apologised and agreed to pay for the item. The police officer just gave me a stern talking too then they let me go . That was all that happened ? I apologised and paid them the money I owed and then went home . I have not thought I would have a criminal record until I'd signed the form for the dbs check when suddenly I thought hang on maybe that one incident would be recorded on the police database ? I don't know if I have a record or not but always thought I didn't as the police officer at the time said I was very lucky and the store did not want to take action and abstern talking too is all I received ? I have no clue if I have a record or not so didn't declare I have incase I haven't ? I just signed and said they could do a dbs check on me. If anything does come back il just explain the circumstances and hopefully thy will understand that I made one stupid mistake and am very remorseful and capable of becoming a good nurse

OP posts:
WellThisIsShit · 13/09/2018 11:58

OP, I would find out yourself, beforehand, to give yourself peace of mind.

Your huge and deep feeling of guilt is eating you alive. And the excessive punishment of yourself for this shows that you are still very fragile about this.

You do need to forgive yourself fully.

No one was hurt by what you did. Not even a tiny bit, not by second hand or at a stretch. You gave back the perfume/ paid more for it than the store price.

It was many years ago. At the time, the people around you agreed that the exetenuating circumstances were clearly strong enough not to punish you further. The store and the police judged the situation, and the act... and you to be honest. There was only one person present who judged this act differently... that’s you. You’ve been punishing yourself further all these years! It’s time to stop sweetheart. Flowers

I’ll continue in another post re my experiences as an employer because I don’t want to lose this point amongst other stuff:

Please stop punishing yourself now. You’ve done more time than most violent crimes by now!

thisisnotmyname87 · 13/09/2018 12:01

It won't show up don't worry SmileSmile

ladydickisathingapparently · 13/09/2018 12:01

Please don’t worry. I think it’s highly unlikely you were given a formal caution from the sounds of it. Even if it came up I really think the circumstances would be understood.

My mum used to work with a man convicted of the manslaughter of his wife. He’d strangled her in a jealous rage. The company kept his job open for him while he was in prison. Honestly, you’re no master criminal.

And I’d add my voice to those who say you need to forgive yourself for this x

Mibby16 · 13/09/2018 12:03

I had a verbal warning after my ex made some (false) allegations. Its never shown up on my basic or advance DBS. Stop panicking xx

Original poster
Studentnurse1981 · 13/09/2018 12:06

Ah thank you wellthisisshit . Your too kind . I do need to move on from this but I still feel so very guilty . Once my dbs is all done and Iv spoken to tutors etc I'm gunna get some counselling and find out why I can't forgive myself and forget about it ? It's ridiculous the amount of energy I'm wasting worrying about this. I wish I could just stop being so anxious . This is like nothing Iv ever experienced and it's literally all I can think about. I have been googling non stop about dbs checks and trying to find people in similar position to me . It seems there are many people like me who committed a crime and now years later are wanting to start a new career in a proffesin that requires Edbs checks . I understand why these checks are done but surely one offence shouldn't be able to hold you back from doing a job you know you will be great at . Whilst googling Iv came across people who have committed multiple crimes or worse than what I did and nothing showed on their checks but Iv Also come across one lady who hit her husband and her dbs came back with assault even though her husband dropped all charges ? She was then thrown off her nursing course as they said assault was too serious ? It's got my head done in !!

OP posts:
TheOrigFV45 · 13/09/2018 12:07

I believe nothing will show up, but I am quite concerned with how you are handling it. The way you talk about it gives the impression you are at peace with accepting it was a massive error of judgement, and have settled things with the store, but the anxiety you are showing is at odds with that.

Beautifulblue · 13/09/2018 12:12

No it 100% won't be on your record. Don't worry, Jesus we've all done things... stealing a bottle of perfume is wayyyy down the list in terms of despicable. Please don't worry about it, your record will come back clean & you will breath again.

Knittedfairies · 13/09/2018 12:16

OP, I suspect the reason you can’t forget about it (and forgive yourself) is that you’ve tied this incident to the fact you’d just lost your dad. You need to be kinder to yourself.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 13/09/2018 12:19

Even if it does show up it's unlikely that the crime would be considered serious enough to warrant you losing your place.

My course asks for a DBS and we have to think seriously about anything that involves violence or children. I dealt with someone who stole a car 15 years ago. He provided a letter with an explanation. The panel unanimously voted to offer him a place.
I've also dealt with issues of minor theft like yours and it's never stopped me offering someone a place or a job.