Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Please settle this for me! DH doesn’t seem to see it!

77 replies

Beargoesgrr · 12/09/2018 22:11

Ok I’ll keep it short.

DH works freelance, shortish contracts. Each contract is paid on an hourly basis,
Every single contract is he works a day rate, overtime is the hourly rate added on for every hour of overtime.

DH is working 7 days per week. He is paid for those. DH should leave work at 5pm every day except Friday which he works until 11ish.

Every few nights, he strolls in between 7&8pm. His travel home is 25ish minutes from work.

he hasn’t bothered putting in for extra hours. Always has before.

He works until 11pm on a Friday night, but tonight he strolls in at 7pm, and he tells me he’s working till midnight tomorrow.

He refuses to accept that it seems very strange he’s doing all this overtime, for no financial gain at all.

I’m not accusing him, but I have said that’s the kind of dodgy shit that rings alarm bells of men having affairs... he’s offended at this notion.

Please, someone tell me- am I mental thinking this?!

I just don’t see it as believable, he isn’t even putting his extra hours on his invoices which he’s always done elsewhere.

It’s just set my spider senses tingling.

OP posts:

DanglyBangly · 12/09/2018 22:33

There could be an innocent explanation such as falling behind on the work, as others have suggested. Would he usually admit this to you if it were the case?

TattyCat · 12/09/2018 22:34

And prepare yourself. You wouldn't be the first to be blindsided and it's hideous. I hope that everyone here is wrong and it's something else...

crimsonlake · 12/09/2018 22:34

I would say trust your instinct, you can sense something is not right here. Do not let him blindside you on this. Have you tried looking at his expenses or business bank account?

DanglyBangly · 12/09/2018 22:35

Cross-post. I’d be trying to get hold of his phone, to be honest. You have enough to be suspicious.

Elephant14 · 12/09/2018 22:35

So it sounds like you know the requirements of his business and that extra hours can be billed. In which case either he can't cope and doesn't want you to know, or something is afoot.

Original poster

Beargoesgrr · 12/09/2018 22:40

Thank you all for the replies.

I now have something that I can show him that isn’t just me being over dramatic.

That other people just given outline details think it’s suspect...

I can definitely check in on him of an evening- Cake run for the lads! :-)

FWIW he has been open with me in the past when he’s struggled at work, which is how I happened to become his business partner, I’ve always got stuck in when he’s needed a helping hand.

Thank you everyone!

Just going to speak to him. I hope I get further this time. He’s a good husband, I’ve just seen a difference and the not billing work hours and traipsing in hours late just doesn’t sit right.

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 12/09/2018 22:44

Very odd to be on a day rate and allowed to bill for extra hours...

Original poster

Beargoesgrr · 12/09/2018 22:46

I don’t think it’s that weird? I’ve not seen anywhere that hasn’t allowed it? In the years we’ve operated we have never had an issue at least.

OP posts:

SomeKnobend · 12/09/2018 22:51

Stop trying to convince him he's acting dodgy - he fucking knows! He's pretending he doesn't know to try to convince you. Of course he's shagging the woman from work, blindingly obvious. Sorry OP.

pandarific · 12/09/2018 22:54

I would definitely not speak to him yet op. Pretend to forget all about it and do some digging - it sounds bad but really you have reason to be concerned and it is best you have all the information so you can best protect yourself in the case that it is an affair.

MiddleClassProblem · 12/09/2018 22:55

Could he be a bit low? Maybe he is finishing at 5 but then just having some time to himself. It could even just be sitting in the car. When you’re low sometimes you just go numb and just sit and think or even not really thinking at all.

TattyCat · 12/09/2018 22:56

I don’t think it’s that weird? I’ve not seen anywhere that hasn’t allowed it? In the years we’ve operated we have never had an issue at least.

Normally, a day rate is set high enough to cover any overtime required, otherwise the contract would be an hourly rate. But as for how unusual your DH's contract is, I don't really know.

TattyCat · 12/09/2018 22:57

And if you do speak to him now, you'll just send anything iffy underground. Very unwise, given what you've told us.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/09/2018 22:59

His pattern of work is suddenly very different from a very well established norm. His billing doesn't match the hours 'worked'. He has offered no explanation for the extra hours away from home.

Of course you'd want to know what's happening! How very odd that he hasn't offered an explanation. Someone having an affair would usually have a ready excuse.

Butterymuffin · 12/09/2018 22:59

Would it be possible to go along to his work site one day towards the end?

HollowTalk · 12/09/2018 23:06

For god's sake don't show him this thread, OP.

I would be really suspicious. Does he really love that job so much that he'll work for several hours for nothing?

gingergenius · 12/09/2018 23:07

Hope you get to the bottom of it OP

Thatstheendofmytether · 12/09/2018 23:07

Why would you show him what everyone has said?

Merryoldgoat · 12/09/2018 23:15

There’s no way I’d talk to him yet. Pull back, act like you’ve moved on and keep an eye out. You need to get on that phone when he’s been feeling comfy a while.

Original poster

Beargoesgrr · 12/09/2018 23:22

Sorry, I went and had a conversation with him, I didn’t see the posts saying not to, but I sadly didn’t get any further. His account of it is that he couldn’t add the extra hours to his invoice. I’ve said that I’ll spend tomorrow tallying the extra hours “lost” and that it still doesn’t make sense to me.

He’s walked away anyway so I couldn’t show him, I wanted to show him so I could say to him that he needs to stop brushing it off as though I’m just being over dramatic, that with the same information told to strangers they are all coming to a similar sort of conclusion, that it needs addressing.

Thanks for the advice everyone. This thread is making me worry a bit more, I started out hoping that maybe I’d just have a few people able to say, yeah it’s a bit weird, so I could say, I’m not jumping to wild accusations, and he would explain and it would all be better.

Also it’s entirely possible he is feeling down. If that were the case id be sad that he didn’t feel he could talk to me, but I’ll definitely do some digging, see how he’s feeling over the next few days if I can, he’s quite guarded at the moment, which could also be a symptom of being down x

OP posts:

garethsouthgatesmrs · 12/09/2018 23:27

He knows you are suspicious now so you might see things change. Is he still planning to work until midnight tomorrow?

Casmama · 12/09/2018 23:32

Is he not in breach of his contract to be working additional hours but not recording them or charging for them?

He needs to explain why he can’t charge for the extra hours.

psicat · 12/09/2018 23:36

I really hope it's not the outcome most of us are suspecting (it does sound the cliche of an affair), maybe he is feeling down/depressed about something and doesn't know how to talk about it? Men can get embarrassed about anxieties and bottle it up. Instead of attacking with are you having an affair be sympathetic - are you OK? Feel worried about you, do you need to talk etc.
If he is worried about a project or similar then great hopefully he'll open up and share. If he is, worst case scenario, having an affair then hopefully he will feel guilty and come clean - or be put at ease and you'll have better chance of checking his phone...

Seaweed42 · 12/09/2018 23:43

Does he agree hours up front and then it makes him look bad if he has to add hours? So he agrees that he'll do 7 hours a day, but then has to supervise others work, and ends up doing extra. But can't really charge for these or it'll look like he doesn't know what he's doing?

Ellen7262 · 13/09/2018 02:15

I charge an hourly rate for my work. If what I'm doing takes longer than what they originally paid me for - then I let them know immediately and ask if they want me to continue on the work at a cost obvs. Not a chance in hell I would be doing extra work for free! If what you're paying me for takes 4 hours instead of 3, then you will pay me for 4.

This seems v. Dodgy OP. I don't know anybody who wouldn't be charging for that amount of overtime

Flip

1 2 3 4