...to think my boyfriend is actually gay?

[WhipWhipCrackAway]

Namechanged.
6 months ago I started seeing the most amazing man and we have fallen for each other in a big way. The sex is astonishing: gentle and affectionate and erotic and everything else I could hope for. So far, so bloody fantastic.

Except he is gay.

He denies it to the hilt.

But the things he tells me lead me to one conclusion, that he is gay.

AIBU to think he is gay based on the fact that when he was doing A levels, he got a detention along with another boy and whilst bored and stuck in a secluded classroom for a few hours, they ended up having sex. He says this was just a "you show me yours / I will show you mine" scenario that went further. But he admits that he lost his virginity to this other boy.

Later, still as a young man he had sex on holiday with an older man, a family friend. He says they never referred to it afterwards and it was just one of those weird youthful things.

I think there was a third liaison with a man. Not sure of the exact details.

He no longer watches porn (deal-breaker for me, and we have discussed this very frankly) but he says in his twenties he would watch porn and the porn he liked was not m/f, but men on their own wanking. He says he never wanted to watch men together but a man on his own was a turn on.

He absolutely denies that he is gay. He has three children with his ex-wife. And we have the most amazing sex life.

But he is gay, right? Or bisexual. He won't have either. He is honest about his past sex with men. He says he is not attracted to men, but that this was all opportunistic experimentation.

I am not trying to pigeon-hole him. But I can't think this relationship will go the distance if he is in denial about his sexuality.

[KM99]

OP, why do you need to put a label on it? What will that change?

Your first paragraph and the fact he has been so open with you shows a deep connection and honesty.

Is your worry his head will be turned? That you won't be "enough" down the line? If so, that's not a worry specific to homosexuality. That's a worry I think many people have as they fall in love - straight, gay, bi whatever.

It's clear he wants to be with you, wants to be honest and open. You have great sex. Enjoy it, show him the trust and love you would want in return. Forget about the labels.

[SoaringSwallow]

Someone's posted a link below to the Kinsey Scale.

I think you need to ask him if he finds he misses out in something by "only" being with you, solely because it seems to underpin your concerns. And you'll have a choice of trusting his answer or not. If you do, then leave all this behind you and enjoy your relationship. If you can't trust him or believe his answer - or realize that you don't need to ask because you never will - then end it.

FWIW I had a sexual partner who I believed to be gay and he couldn't care less about my pleasure because he didn't want to engage with my body. Favourite position was doggy style or a variation of - and I mean every single time. Didn't want to touch my breasts. Oral sex impossible. Wish I'd seen it as clearly as I'm writing it now at the time though - was with him far too long.

[SoaringSwallow]

*sorry, didn't finish first paragraph! I attached some images of the results. But definitely click the link below to read more: few people are 100% one thing or another.