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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be sick of my 'man-child' husband??

79 replies

Doremisofarsogood · 12/09/2018 14:06

Sorry, rant alert but I am so fed up! My DH has always been useless at getting up in the mornings. He sets his alarm, has multiple snoozes, doesn't know which one is the last one and misses it. Gets up late. I do pretty much all the early morning wake ups with our DD (4) through the week and at weekends even if we've both had a late night and usually if I've been out and he's stayed home, I always get up with her. He used to do an early morning shift at work (6.30 till 4) but changed it because he wanted to be there in the mornings to help me get DD ready for nursery (not that I wanted any help, it's easier on my own, he basically wants the nice bit of dropping her off). All that happens on those days is that I get up with DD and he ends up snoozing through his alarm till I wake him up. Sometimes I go for a run before she gets up, I remind him the night before that I'll be doing that and he'll need to get up with his alarm so it's not a mad rush when I get back; 9 times out of 10 I come back and she's up playing in her room and he's still in bed. If I leave him to it, he's late for work and could lose his job if he does it often enough (we can't afford for this to happen), if I have to constantly remind him I feel like his mother. Every now and then he says he'll go to bed earlier which definitely helps. He does it once then forgets. Last night I went out with a friend, got back at 9.30 and said I was going to bed as I was tired. He was on his PS4 (another bane of my life), I reminded him he was doing the early shift and he said yes yes I know) all the time not taking his eyes off the screen. He ended up not setting his alarm for the earlier time, I happened to wake up and made him get out of bed. He had to take the car which I needed today but without it he would have been late. I couldn't have dropped him off as DD was still asleep. Is it U to actually hate him for all of this? Our whole life together has been like this, even before we had DD he was a nightmare, we used to have my SS over and I was the one getting up in the mornings with him while H slept. There are other childlike behaviours - after I've washed dried and ironed all our clothes I put his on the bed for him to put away (I put mine, DD and SS away, don't see why I should put his away as well) - he puts them on a pile on the floor. He doesn't manage to plan anything for his work lunch - we're meant to be eating healthily but if I don't make anything healthy he takes some leftovers out of the freezer which are really kept there for quick meals in the week when we're busy. His PS4 habit is ridiculous - he will not notice anything in the house that needs doing but manages to spend 4 hours in the evening gaming. When I try to talk about any of this he gets angry and accuses me of talking to him like a child - well that's because he's acting like one! Does anyone have any idea how I can deal with this? I can't just leave him to it as a) he will probably lose his job and we can't afford that and b) I would end up doing the majority of caring for DD as well as the house work, cooking, cleaning etc. Is there any hope??!!

OP posts:
StormTreader · 14/09/2018 12:05

The sudden 180 turn to "furious defending" doesnt surprise me actually.

Its hard to post about someone you love falling short, so when people then agree with you, you feel disloyal and uncomfortable. Turning all that energy into furious defence feels nice - you feel strong and loyal and "us against them, babe!" - suddenly you're back on the ground you were on before this, the familiar comfortable place where no-one really understands him like you do. Suddenly the bad things you dislike become bad things WE'VE said - how dare we say that about your husband!

Doesn't mean any of the issues you first posted about will ever get easier though, or change. You'll still be responsible for 100% of the adult effort, and he'll turn off the internet limiter the first time you use it, and you'll be exactly where you were, and you'll read your post in a few years time and think "why didn't I try and sort this out then?".

Shefliesonherownwings · 14/09/2018 12:43

I really don't understand the immediate jump to 'leave him, leave him!' Yes it's frustrating and annoying, my husband is also not great in the mornings although not as bad as yours OP, but my first thought on reading your first post was move the alarm clock and maybe get one or two more alarm clocks dotted around the room so he has to get up and turn them all off. Surely, given the OP has said the other aspects of their relationship are good, this is really not a deal breaker - jeez.

Popc0rn · 14/09/2018 13:09

"He has more redeeming factors but my post wasn't about those, it was about the issue with mornings!"

In your OP you mentioned his "ridiculous" PS4 habit, that he doesn't notice when anything needs doing around the house, that he dumps the clothes that you've washed and ironed for him on the floor, and that he doesn't sort out his own work lunch but takes leftovers that are meant for quick dinners instead (that I'm guessing you cooked). Basically it sounds like there are bigger issues than just the mornings. Not suprised you needed a rant, living like that would drive me crazy!

Ophelialovescats · 15/09/2018 09:17

Have you suggested he gets help for his Gaming addition ?
It is a recognised affliction..... mainly affecting teens.

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