To be feeling distressed after hearing my dad being told to find another bank due to forgetting his pin and needing it to be reset (has Alzheimer’s)?

[TheCakeCrusader]

To be clear, this is not about my dad being asked to find another bank because he has Alzheimer’s (the bank don’t know this) but because of a situation in which he needed to get his pin reset on his card. Alzheimer’s was mentioned as this is a possible factor behind the current situation at the bank.

A background to this is that he has to go to the ( physical) bank ( finds it hard to do online banking) to check on his account and other transactions etc. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago and although it’s still in the earlier stages, he is starting to find some tasks more difficult, hence the relevance to the PIN ( hope this makes sense so far?)

He went to his usual branch and tried to use his card but made errors putting in the PIN which resulted in him being locked out.

According to my dad, this has happened a few times before and the bank branch will normally just unlock his card (?) However he was told today by one of the staff that he should find an alternative bank from now on as he has locked his pin at this particular branch a few times now.

My dad called me up in a distressed state a short time ago to explain what had happened and that he felt upset that he was being ‘told off’ and to go somewhere else!

Of course, I can only take his experience into account but I still don’t think there should have been any justification for the bank staff member to have treated my dad in such a shoddy way ( if this is what happened?)

As far as I can tell, my dad wasn’t rude but he said he felt confused and upset by the member of staff’s response. My dad is in his mid 80’s.

My dad usually sticks to the same branch so feels as though he can now never go back to this particular place again. He’s asked me about a branch in my town so that he can go there instead.

I have an LPA for my dad, would it be advisable to contact the bank to ask that this is put on his notes? Would this help the staff to see that my dad does have difficulties and to be patient with him when something like this happens rather than to be dismissive towards him?

I am upset on his behalf as it’s the first time I’ve heard anything like this happen to him. Aibu to feel upset about this or can a bank just tell a customer to go and find another bank if they feel the customer has made ( in their view) too many errors with their card?

My dad has become more repetitive in his speech and had increased anxiety so it could have been a possibility that the staff member became inpatient towards my dad although with me being presented at the time, it difficult to know the full circumstances. I just feel really crap right now and upset to hear my dad upset. 🙁

^I only ask because my gran has alzheimers and of if she told me the sky was blue I'd look out the window. She gets so mixed up about things or tries to cover things up. 😔

It’s a horrible cruel disease.

My Mum had dementia and became unable to manage money and spent lots on unsuitable items! She also managed to completely empty her savings account and fritter away several thousands of pounds...
You and your Mum may have to step in before something goes awry. If this is a business account shared with someone else, then you may need to do that sooner rather than later I'm afraid.

You sound like such a lovely woman trying to do the right thing for your dad, my heart goes out to you. Another organisation that might be able to give you some advice is Age UK, I hope you are able to get this resolved, it’s so hard to have to parent your own parents. 💜

I would make an appointment to talk to the bank manager. They need to know, so they can can talk with the employee, address the issue, give extra training to the staff, put measures in place so it doesn't recur, etc.

My dad also got ripped off a few months ago too by some cold calling ‘tree surgeons’. I advised him afterwards not to let anyone into the house and to only ever use reputable companies. They were asking for cash and my dad told them he only had a chequebook but he still got stung for £500 for cutting a few branches off a tree!

I strongly recommend getting power of attorney activated over the account. She can still use it but you can have online access and monitor what she’s doing or pay her bills thru an app. Banks, BT etc mostly do have teams who deal with dementia and othee vulnerable customers and I have found them really good on the whole. Good luck, it’s a lot of work but I am finding the practical side simplerthan expected

@Quangot

Making an appointment with the bank would be the next step. My dad is a bit resistant about this so it might that I have to follow this action with my mum.

OP you have my total sympathy. Alzheimers is so cruel 😢 My dad banked with Nationwide. Whilst he was able to withdraw money himself they wouldn't allow him to withdraw more than £50 at a time.

My dad died last week 😥 Nationwide had no problem asking me if I wanted a cheque for monies due when I closed his account. I declined. But not the service I expected from Nationwide, especially as I am not named on POA or as executor?

Very sorry to hear about your dad OP I had the same with my dad and am currently worried about my mum going the same way.

Go into the bank with your dad, ask to sit down with someone and have a chat, and register your LPA. The bank can’t tell your dad to go elsewhere, that is disability discrimination and is against the law. They should make allowances to help your dad. If they don’t, I’d advise switching banks to NatWest, they have been absolutely brilliant with my mum.

Crusader, my parents' brilliant GP took me to one side not long after my mum's dementia set in and said the following to me. "The time comes for some people when the parent child relationship is reversed. Your mum has now become the child and you are her mother". It nearly breaks you when this happens but those wise words really helped in that I was determined to mother her as well as she had me.

While you're right to involve your dad as much as you can, the time comes when you have to make the decisions because they can't. It's a tough road to negotiate.

Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone that responded. All food for thought.