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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset he's not speaking to me?

60 replies

HannaPintura · 12/09/2018 08:26

I started dating someone a few months ago but because of us both having holidays during this time we have only met up five times or so.

For a few of the dates he turned up and said he was really tired after a busy weekend with his son and would've cancelled on me because he was so tired but didn't because he knew it would upset me.

A few weekends ago he rang me up and said that he was going to come over to see me but he was too tired.

I think when you first start dating someone you want to see them all the time and there's a lot of excitement there. He's seemed very much into me otherwise by texting regularly and ringing me most nights where we would chat for an hour or so and get on really great.

On Sunday just gone, after I returned from my holiday we made plans for him to come round. I was really excited. About an hour after he should've set off for my house he called me saying he was unwell with a stomach upset and that he wouldn't be coming. This pissed me off as it was late afternoon by this point and he had all morning to cancel on me and I had rushed home early from my holiday that day so we could have a good few hours together, so I was a bit short with him on the phone and later text him saying he could've told me in the morning rather than when he was supposed to be arriving.

On Monday we text each other, but not as often as usual, but yesterday I didn't hear from him at all which is really upsetting me because I like him. Usually he texts lots and he has always been the first to text and seemed very keen. I don't know what's happened? Confused

OP posts:
Aprilshowersnowastorm · 12/09/2018 08:27

Flogging
Dead
Horse

ambereeree · 12/09/2018 08:28

Forget him sounds flakey at best. Did you meet him via OLD?

MaggieSimpsonsPacifier · 12/09/2018 08:29

Sorry OP ☹️

You need to read “he’s just not that into you”. It saved me from wasting a lot of time!

Rhondacross · 12/09/2018 08:30

Forget it. And next time maybe try to keep a bit more cool when you're only about 5 dates in. That's a casual relationship.

CoraPirbright · 12/09/2018 08:31

So basically he is fine to text but meeting up is a bit of a ball-ache for him. Dump!! At this stage of the relationship, you should be dying to see each other not making excuses about being tired......

Aquamarine1029 · 12/09/2018 08:31

Don't waste another second on this flake.

HannaPintura · 12/09/2018 08:32

Yes via OLD amber.

He just seemed so into me texting and ringing and him initiating it..and now he's not!

OP posts:
KlutzyDraconequus · 12/09/2018 08:32

Take it from me op.

Any guy worth your time would see you when and as much as he could. He'd be excited to see you and counting down the hours till he could be other you again.

When I was in a long distance thing I'd text my GF stuff like:
"4 hours till I see you, can't wait, miss you"
Not
"Urgh I'm tired, I might.sty home.... Nd watch Netflix...l8rs"

Aprilsinparis · 12/09/2018 08:33

Sorry OP, but it sounds like he just can't be arsed.

RestingBitchFaced · 12/09/2018 08:34

Dump him! You deserve better

HannaPintura · 12/09/2018 08:34

He was my first date after leaving a horrid 10 yr relationship in June. He made me excited again and that he really liked me. It's upset me so much that I cried last night Blush

OP posts:
notacooldad · 12/09/2018 08:38

Ok, you've had a cry over him. Hopefully that will help.
Now don't give him another thought.
It sounds like you are his back up plan.
Don't be that for anyone.

MarthasGinYard · 12/09/2018 08:38

Sounds like he could barely ever muster up enough energy to see you. Now it's just excuses.

Next...

MarthasGinYard · 12/09/2018 08:39

Oh and get in there first to end it

DianaT1969 · 12/09/2018 08:45

Assuming you keep seeing him. How far away does he live? Can you go to him sometimes instead? Does he drive over? I had a boyfriend years ago who had Crohn's disease and was understandably flakey. Anything like that with this man?

50Running50 · 12/09/2018 08:59

OLD.....Profiles probably still active and he's meeting others

Delete and move on

ThreeAnkleBiters · 12/09/2018 09:01

I agree he sounds flakey and not that into you. I would ditch him and find someone who can be bothered make the effort.

KlutzyDraconequus · 12/09/2018 09:03

Don't even message him, just block him, delete his number, find a man that doesn't make you cry after only 5 dates in over a few months.

ComtessedeLancret · 12/09/2018 09:04

Definitely delete and move on. As others have said, if he was interested enough he’d make the time. I can count on one hand how many nights away from my DH we’ve had since we first starting dating, find someone who will make the effort.

Singlenotsingle · 12/09/2018 09:07

Total waste of your precious time. He just can't be bothered!

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 12/09/2018 09:19

Why waste your time, move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2018 09:21

I would text him and tell him its not working, and move on tbh. He does not sound that into you, don't waste your time.

TwoBlueShoes · 12/09/2018 09:24

I was going to suggest he might be seeing someone else, or he might just be too busy to date. I’d cut your losses and get back out there.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/09/2018 09:28

You have only just come out of a horrid relationship, you need time to get over that, I don't think dating so quickly is the answer.

ambereeree · 12/09/2018 09:30

I'm sorry OP i also had these type of experiences via OLD. It really hurts doesn't it? I had one guy ignore me then tell me his granny was ill and needed time...and then called me after 2 months telling me he had been scared of commitment..total waste of space!
You need to play it a bit cooler at first to protect your own feelings.