Shall I say somthing to other mum

[1981fishgut]

My son is dating a girl she’s very nice

However once I realised they were together I asked my son if she was on the pill he said no

At that point they hadn’t had sex I am sure now they have 19&18

So the mum comes here on occasion to pick up the daughter I wondering if I should mention anything

Tbh as soon as mine are 16 they will be getting a implant

She’s quite lived up with my son
God knows why

And just wonder why her mum wouldn’t of sorted this with her

And I know now if this girl fell pregnant my son would not be able to look after a baby he has MH issues and GGD

I'd be more inclined to discuss with your son the risks and that he should be using condoms.

why is it the girls responsibility?

They are adults op how mortifying would it be. Maybe encourage your son to use condoms also prevents STDs

What????? No. Stay well out of it.

tbh as soon as mine are 16 they will be getting a implant

What, whether or not she wants one?

I have been but I can only do that from my end

As I said my son has MH issues and GGD so I would feel much better if she took control of that department as she is a bit more sensible

Right. If your son would be unable to act as a father then you should be talking to him about always using condoms. Why is it the woman's responsibility?

It takes two to tango and you need to discuss with your son he importance of condoms. Tbh I wouldn’t be rushing to put hormonal contraception into my daughters as soon as they reach the age of consent. Condoms are important to prevent STDs

Whilst you have no right to speak to the young woman about her birth control you should definitely remind your son that wearing condoms is a wise move.

Noooooo do NOT talk to her mother They are adults, if she doesn't want to be on the pill that's fine once she's up front with your ds about it. It's great you can talk to your son but after that it's none of your business really. I would sooner talk to the girlfriend directly instead of the mother.

If she’s more sensible, hopefully they use condoms. You’re unreasonable for expecting her to take the pill, it’s not as straight forward as you’re making out and is a strain on the body

She is an adult though and even for your 16 year old daughters choice of contraception is up to them not you. As mum's you can only advise. I would suggest you treat them as adults and advise your son as a mum. Why can't he wear condoms?! I think speaking to her mum about something so personal wouldn't be appropriate.

We had the whole sex talk with him lots of times when he was growing up we have impressed upon him about condoms but I don’t want to be a grand parent

Why would you say it to her mother and why are you involved in their love life. Your son shouldn't have even answered that question when you rudely asked it.

They are adults.

Mind your own business.

And I take issue with you insisting your kids are implanted as soon as they are 16 as if they have no bodily autonomy.

If you raised them with the knowledge of safe sex, then that's enough, the rest is on them.

But don't go talking to his girlfriend's mother. Jesus Christ, please have boundaries.

No. Speak to your (adult) son.

I understand but the problem is it isn’t really any of your business, particularly about her contraceptive type. I would be mortified if my boyfriend’s mum had gotten involved in our private life over the age of 15/16. You’ve spoken to your son as much as you can so I think now you need to take a step back

CrabbyPatty

Thanks

I just didn’t know if I should or shouldn’t spoken to my son about being safe

But he rarely remembers to take his medication so

I also agree with previous posters that your son's mental health problems do not alleviate him of responsibility. He either has capacity to consent to the risks and benefits of sex or not and if he doesn't that's a more serious issue.

SnipSnipMrBurgess

Um I do have boundires and haven’t actually spoken to anyone barr my son

Absolutely not.

If they're old enough to have sex they're old enough for you to keep your nose out. Also, stop going through life expecting other women to do the thinking for your son!! You might feel happier if others took control of all the tricky stuff but if he can get himself into bed he can do a bit of heavy lifting and he will have to. You can't mummy him and protect him forever. Get some boundaries ffs

You have no idea if she's on a different form of contraception.

They are adults. What contraception they use is none of your business. But hopefully you would have already explained the importance of condoms in new relationships (regardless of other contraception) so you'll have nothing to worry about.

I do get your concerns but tbh you need to realise its not up to you whether you become a grandparent or not. The only ones who can control that are your son and his girlfriend. And the only one you have any limited influence over is your son.

What is GGD?

as soon as mine are 16 they will be getting a implant

If they choose to OP. You can't make a 16 year old get an implant. Your boundaries are fucked up.

Perhaps they are using condoms and he just doesn't want to tell you. Not being judgmental at all about your parenting at all not my style but you said your DD will go on the implant at 16.Is that her decision or yours reason being I looking at it purely on how it reads which is coming across as very dominating. If your son feels this he may be holding off discussing with you.I don't know I but they are adults if you are so worried may be they could go to family planning at Drs .I fully understand your worry but ultimately if even with mh health issues if your son is capable of his own decisions you can't force him,only advise.