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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I say somthing to other mum

77 replies

1981fishgut · 11/09/2018 14:33

My son is dating a girl she’s very nice

However once I realised they were together I asked my son if she was on the pill he said no

At that point they hadn’t had sex I am sure now they have 19&18

So the mum comes here on occasion to pick up the daughter I wondering if I should mention anything

Tbh as soon as mine are 16 they will be getting a implant

She’s quite lived up with my son
God knows why

And just wonder why her mum wouldn’t of sorted this with her

OP posts:
Fatted · 11/09/2018 14:46

Nope! The one and only person you should be discussing this with is YOUR son. You should be stressing the importance of contraception to him as well as the importance that it is as much his responsibility as his GF.

If you're making your DD have the implant at 16, why did you not send your son to get the snip at 16? Surely one rule for one, one for the other?

Severide08 · 11/09/2018 14:48

Should add too at 16 I would imagine your DD wishes would overule re the implant if she didn't wish to have it .

JellyBaby666 · 11/09/2018 14:49

Don't give your daughters the implant just because they're 16 - firstly, they have to consent, secondly it messes so much with your cycle [I hate mine] and thirdly it doesn't protect STI's.

What a backwards attitude - buy him some condoms and make him aware he has a responsibility too. And he needs to set a reminder on his phone or something for his medication - when will he learn to remember otherwise?

Littlechocola · 11/09/2018 14:50

@Shoppingwithmother gdd is global developmental delay.

ana18 · 11/09/2018 14:51

I wouldn't push my daughter to get implant !

Tbh if even you daughter chooses to make u a grand parent it's not really up to u if she does or not . That's her choice if she wants to have children not yours

PortiaCastis · 11/09/2018 14:52

Butt out and tell him to use condoms and no you have no say over anyone else's body even if she is your dd you cannot force her to have an implant so don't be so controlling or she'll run a mile

Shoppingwithmother · 11/09/2018 14:52

Thank you

BriKelly10 · 11/09/2018 14:56

Oh wow... oh boy … stay well out of it, it's none of your business and there are plenty of non hormonal contraceptions out there, why should the gf have to mess up her cycle and put artificial hormones into her body?

daffodillament · 11/09/2018 14:57

I don't like this post. Worrying comments : Tbh as soon as mine are 16 they will be getting a implant and you say dc has MH issues and say She’s quite lived up with my son
God knows why ???
How awful.
At their age I am sure they have it sorted but you must speak to your son about contraceptives and her mum will speak to hers. You already sound like my idea of a nightmare controlling interfering MIL ! Shock

Pinky333777 · 11/09/2018 14:59

They're adults. Not particularly any of your business what she does.

Dushenka · 11/09/2018 15:03

Please do not force or encourage children to get hormonal implants. For some people they work OK but for others the side-effects and risks can be horrific. I speak as someone who went on a "very low dose" contraceptive pill at the age of 19, staying on it only 9 months, and suffered hormonal problems for 3 decades afterwards until menopause. I am still left with some effects even now. Think carefully before you act on this not very well thought out impulse. A hormone expert I consulted at one stage warned me that "hormones are like hand grenades chucked over a blind wall, you have no idea what the effect is going to be because we don't understand them properly."

Rebecca36 · 11/09/2018 15:04

She might be on the pill by now but anyway there are other birth control methods, including condoms.

How do you know your girls will be ready for sex at sixteen, getting them implants is a bit premature in my opinion, they might feel obliged to have sex just because of it! It's their business anyway, parents don't have the right to push medication onto their children once past sixteen.

RB68 · 11/09/2018 15:11

Are you suggesting she is a vulnerable adult? ONLY if she is a VA should you approach her Mum, otherwise your responsibility is to teach your son to take responsibility

LMDC · 11/09/2018 15:13

Her contraceptives (or lack thereof) are absolutely none of your business whatsoever, nor the business of her mother!

When your daughters come of age I hope you do not push them into getting an implant, but instead discuss different options with them so they can decide for themselves a) whether or not they would like a contraceptive & b) which contraceptive they would like.

Not every woman wants hormones pumped round their body, and not all contraceptives work for everybody. I had very negative effects from the implant and if my mother or mil told me to get the implant (or any other contraceptive) I would tell them to stfu and mind their own business!

HollowTalk · 11/09/2018 15:13

No, she's saying her son is a vulnerable adult. She's trying to help things here, not just interfere.

FlipnTwist · 11/09/2018 15:15

what? No stay out of it !

genivert · 11/09/2018 15:17

Oh god OP, this is really inappropriate.

Your sphere of influence should be to advise your son and help him to be sensible (e.g. ensuring he gets easy access to free condoms and stuff like that if it's available locally), NOT stray anywhere near asking or pondering what this adult girlfriend does!

And the idea that it might involve her mum..?! That is really fucked up.

Stop putting your son's responsibility onto his female partner or her relatives.

cafenoirbiscuit · 11/09/2018 15:20

If he has GDD has he got understanding of responsibilities? Apologies if it’s only mild GDD, but if it’s more severe and he lacks capacity I totally get your worries

Oysterbabe · 11/09/2018 15:21

If my mum had tried to force an implant on me at 16 Id have told her to get fucked.

LMDC · 11/09/2018 15:22

Oh wow, I've just seen "She’s quite lived up with my son God knows why"

That is bloody horrible!

MrsK1087 · 11/09/2018 15:23

As someone who had the implant at the age of 19 by choice. I can only say it was the worst thing I did, I gained weight, became depressed and having it taken out was traumatic to say the least. Please don’t force them.

PortiaCastis · 11/09/2018 15:27

The poor dd but doubt a practice nurse would fit an implant against the recipients wishes, surely consent has to be given

SirVixofVixHall · 11/09/2018 15:29

What is GGD ?
I understand your worries op. We have a family member with severe mental health problems who has just had a baby. It is a worry, but all you can do is impress on both of them to use condoms and perhaps another method on top. Hopefully they will be sensible.

Ohyesiam · 11/09/2018 15:30

What is lived up?

Haireverywhere · 11/09/2018 15:32

I'd speak to your son only and not the mother of the consenting adult girlfriend (assuming they are both able to consent).