AIBU staying team yellow when 3yo dd1 DESPERATE for a sister?

[Emz1989]

Basically that.
3yo is being amazing about my pregnancy, very loving towards bump.
Started with her telling the key workers in nursery that Mummy's having a girl (they were shocked when I said we actually hadn't found out!) and now if I mention that it could be a boy she gets very annoyed and tells me she won't love him

Posted a little soon - sorry!
We're due around Christmas so still time to find out - do we find out to prepare her (dh and I always planned for a surprise) or do we just hope that when the baby arrives she will accept that he's a he or she's a she?! Dh thinks if she finds out now that it's a boy, it's even more time for her to get stressed over it!

I would find out and give her time to prepare

My 2 1/2 ur old niece insisted it’s a sister. Doesn’t want a brother no way
Went to 4d scan with mum and dad and saw her brother. She’s thrilled! I’d scan

I wouldn’t let a 3 year olds potential disappointment at getting a baby brother govern what goes on
Don’t find out and just talk lots between now and then about we will love our new family member regardless etc etc
I’m sure any disappointment will last all of about 2 seconds anyway.

My daughter was the same age and had the same feelings, and I was tempted to find out for the same reasons, but in the end we stuck to our original plan, and just kept saying “well, we don’t know whether baby will be a boy or a girl”. When he was born, she was absolutely thrilled. So I really wouldn’t worry. She’s 3, she’s bound to have her own feelings about this but ultimately she can’t control the outcome of this - and she’s far more likely to be ok with baby not being a girl if it’s less of an abstract concept, ie when baby is actually here.

How important is it for you to not know?

If you've got your heart set on a surprise; just prepare her the best you can. If you're not too fussed; take her to find out so you can do little things to help her adjust - let her help pick out her baby brothers new clothes, for example, and buy him dummies and bottles.

Yes! Exactly what @AhoyDelBoy said.

My friend's DD went absolutely nuts when she found out they were expecting a little boy. Genuinely, my friend did a big 'reveal' with a treat for her DD as they wanted her to be the first to find out and her DD threw a cup of juice across the restaurant they were sat in and screamed til she went blue as my friend filmed it.

12 months later my friends DD adores her baby brother and couldn't dote on him more if she tried. I think if you find out now you still run the risk of your DD being unhappy and you'll just need to let her ride it out, reassuring her and making her a part of things. She will get through it, it's just a case of adjusting to all of these new things and for little children a new baby can be overwhelming.

Ime finding out bro /sis went a long long way in preventing jealousy and creating a bond even before the birth.

I’d find out and prepare her. It’s obviously a big deal for her and she’s only 3.
She may find it hard not being the baby anymore when baby does arrive so I wouldn’t want any other negative feelings. Gives you time to get her excited x

Don’t worry about it. My little boy insisted for the whole of my pregnancy that the new baby was a boy and that he wasn’t having a sister. When she was born and my husband went to give him the news that it was a girl he huffed a bit but as soon as he met her he fell in love with her and has been amazing with his beloved baby sister ever since.

You get what you're given. Your 3 year old needs to be taught to accept whatever the sex without dictating the family. Who's in charge here?

We took our 3yo DD to the 20 week scan and were told she was having a baby sister.
She was so excited.
Imagine my angst when at 2 later scans it confirmed the baby was not at all a girl. I dreaded telling her.
But she didn't care for more than 2 min and now idolises her little brother. And she's his favourite person in the world.
Any disappointment she feels will be short lived OP

I’d weigh up how much you want a surprise (although it still will be a surprise, just not after labour!) and what you think is best for your dd. I wouldn’t see it as her dictating your actions; more you responding to what you think will help you all.

I genuinely don’t understand this need to know these days. I would tell her that you don’t know and that it might be a boy. And I would expect her to accept it regardless she’s three, she doesn’t get to call the shots.

But for context, when my mum was pg with me my gran was absolutely convinced that she was having a boy, and when I was born my auntie had told her I was a girl and she rang the hospital to check and actually told them that she thought there had been a mistake. .

What will you do if she is not happy? Send him back?!

Goodness me, dont worry about it. If you want a surprise, have one. From her point of view it'll be much easier to come to terms with having a brother once he's already here and a scan isn't necessarily going to make her bond with the baby or reconcile her to a boy if she wsnts a girl (dont be too surprised when it gets here if she decides she doesnt want either).

Honestly I’d find out so I could tell her and she gets use to it.

It’s all very well people saying what will she do send him back? But you have to remeber your dd life is going to change by having this baby and if finding out and preparing her is best for your dd then that’s what you do

It's normal for a child your DD's age to want their sibling to be the same sex as them,but not normal to let them dictate how you proceed with your pregnancy.If you have a boy she'll just have to accept it, and I'm sure she will love it just as much as she would a sister anyway.All of my children's sex,bar one (the midwife referred to the baby as a him during a late scan,not realising I didn't know) was a surprise and the feeling you have when the baby's born and you find out is amazing.Good luck.

We didn't find out and kept telling DD that it could be either. It was a boy and she was really upset. She was also 3 at the time.

But she looks loved him as soon as she saw him. Still occasionally asks for a sister but wouldn't be without her little brother.

If you don't want to find out that's fine. She will love the baby either way.

YABU for referring to “team yellow”.

Just tell your 3 year old she’ll find out when the baby is born.

My dd wanted a sister too (after initially saying she wanted a brother). She’s getting a brother. I think it’s probably best to get the disappointment out the way with and find out. Dd did cry for a min when told it was a boy and she still says ‘but I wanted a sister’, he’s nearly here. One of my friends hasn’t found out and her dd is just adamant that it’s a girl, refers to her by the name they’ve picked, tells everyone she’s having a sister. I worry about he outcome if it pops out a boy really as I’m not sure 3yos understand that you just can’t choose.

My step son (was 11) kept telling us how he’d prefer a sister when he knew it was a brother. It didn’t change his preference.
I too would not allow a 3yr old to dictate.
As an older sibling myself, there will be many more disappointments to having a baby sibling than it’s gender.

Leave it till birth. My dad was 5 when dbs was born. She desperately wanted a sister. Said if it was a boy we’d have to sent it back.
She was present at the birth, was the first to touch him after me, and adored him from the first second.
If she’d known in advance she’d just have been really disappointed. As it was, she was high on all the oxytocin in the room was completely delighted.

My DD (v.similar age) was adamant she was having a sister, wouldn't be told it could be a boy. We didn't find out because we didn't want to and when it came to it it was a brother. However, she never said anything at all about a sister, just accepted with no comment it was a brother