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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU staying team yellow when 3yo dd1 DESPERATE for a sister?

72 replies

Emz1989 · 11/09/2018 07:27

Basically that.
3yo is being amazing about my pregnancy, very loving towards bump.
Started with her telling the key workers in nursery that Mummy's having a girl (they were shocked when I said we actually hadn't found out!) and now if I mention that it could be a boy she gets very annoyed and tells me she won't love him

OP posts:

margotsdevil · 11/09/2018 08:35

Knowing in advance may not make a difference. My goddaughter was determined she was having a little sister and said she would send a boy back this was despite knowing that it was a boy... she got over it!

SocialPiranha · 11/09/2018 08:38

My DD (then 3) was adamant her new sibling had to be a sister. We didn’t find out the new sibling was actually a brother til he was born. We were a bit apprehensive when DD met him but she was smiling away “you’re happy you’ve got a brother instead of a sister then?”
“Happy?! Oh mummy I love him! Look at him! our baby!”

I wouldn’t worry too much. My 2 are exceptionally close.

brookshelley · 11/09/2018 08:39

If you don't want to find out, then don't. You're the adult after all!

If you do want to find out, then obviously once you have the information you can make a choice. If it is a girl you might want to tell her and let her continue to enjoy imagining how her sister will be. If it is a boy, you can either tell her or keep it to yourself until he is born.

Mine are the same sex but my oldest wasn't particularly thrilled at the thought of having a sibling or the reality of it in the first few months. It's a big adjustment for children and you're going to have a lot more to deal with than this one issue.

Piffle11 · 11/09/2018 08:42

I'd leave it - the excitement of a new baby will take her mind off the fact that it's a boy (if that's how it turns out). She'll still be a big sister, and I'm sure she'll love the baby regardless.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 11/09/2018 08:51

Maybe you could get her a few of those surprise dolls where you dip them in water and their nappy turns either pink or blue, to show if they are boys or girls? And then tell her having a baby is like one of those surprise dolls, you get what you get.

Tanith · 11/09/2018 08:52

My DS was going to move out and live in the shed if his expected baby sibling was a girl. So he said

One look at his new baby sister and he was besotted!

Lweji · 11/09/2018 08:54

I'd find out now.
It could well be a girl.
If not, then I'd start preparing her.
She could just need to visualise the baby to love it, and has visualise it as a girl.

Zigazagazoo · 11/09/2018 08:55

She needs to learn she can’t have it her own way all the time and this is certainly not something you can change.
Besides, once she meets the baby she will adore him or her.

brookshelley · 11/09/2018 08:56

Am I the only one who didn't have a "big sibling will adore the baby on first sight" moment?

WonderTweek · 11/09/2018 09:06

My older brother didn’t want a sibling at all and wasn’t keen when I was born. In fact he attempted to put me in a box and send me back to hospital a few times. He was 3. But he came around and we were best friends for the most part of our childhood. Good times.

darklady64 · 11/09/2018 09:10

If you don't want to find out, don't. She will most likely be absolutely fine. She's three - she has probably forgotten she ever said anything.

I probably haven't had enough coffee yet, and am still feeling grumpy, but come on - It isn't so long ago that people didn't have the option of being able to find out, and somehow we all survived.

Besides, you could decide to find out, have a scan and be like my friend who was told she was definitely having a girl but ended up with a boy.

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2018 09:13

I think the 'real live' baby will make any potential disappointment better. Actually finding out it's a boy now could just give her for 4 months to cement hatred without a real little being to love and cuddle.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 11/09/2018 09:14

@brookshelley. . I have three children, DS1 was in love the moment he met DD and DS2. He still cares alot about them and is a lovely brother. DD really would rather we had just gotten a puppy. She still feels that way 10 years later.

TheFishInThePot · 11/09/2018 09:16

Get her a boy doll, with a boys name and a couple of boy sleep suits so she can dress it. I wouldn't find out the sex, just prepare her for the fact that boy babies exist.

SheSparkles · 11/09/2018 09:16

You get what you're given. Your 3 year old needs to be taught to accept whatever the sex without dictating the family. Who's in charge here?

This.

AmabelleOnabike · 11/09/2018 09:19

My DD wanted a sister so I brought to the scan to find out. When the doctor said a boy I was stunned (hadn't realised I too was expecting a girl!) But DD was thrilled and got to name him (with a lot of hinting) which helped. She was 5 though so a bit older. 10 years later she still adores him, and he her.

Dahlietta · 11/09/2018 09:21

I genuinely don’t understand this need to know these days.

I genuinely don't understand this need not to know, but what I really don't get is the number of people who attach some sort of moral judgment to finding out the sex of your unborn baby or not.
But, I digress. I agree that if it's important to you not to find out, then you need to keep going with the 'it might be a boy you know' and she will be absolutely fine when baby arrives (but you might get a short-lived sulk). If it's not that important to you, I would probably find out so you can prepare her and get the sulk over with before baby arrives.

Flamingoose · 11/09/2018 09:21

Ds was 4 when younger sister was born. He wanted a brother. He cried for a bit, didn't talk to me for a few hours, then got over it.

DailyMailFail101 · 11/09/2018 09:24

My DS wanted a brother when I asked him, but if his Nanna asked he always said a sister, just take what she says with a pinch he of salt! She will just want to hold her new baby sibling when they arrive she won’t care about the sex, a real life dolly!

Confusedbeetle · 11/09/2018 09:26

Toddlers frequently have such ideas. You are overthinking it. It means nothing. She has no idea what a sister/brother would be like. Its just a baby and will be for ages. She will get what you are given.

BarbarianMum · 11/09/2018 09:26

brookshelly no you're not! Ds1's reaction to the 20 week scan was to point and shout "frog". When he first met his brother he couldn't have been more disinterested- one cursory glance and he wandered off to play trains. Over the course of a few months the disinterest became a sort of grudging concern "Where's X?" (in a "what have you done with him mother" voice if I put him to sleep in another room) but it was a good 6 months before anything like affection appeared.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 11/09/2018 09:27

Though this doesn't help with the scan issues, my DFs DD was very adamant that she didn't want a younger brother or sister, she wanted a kitten and that was all she'd accept. She adored her little sister when she came though. Still does, I hasten to add

WizzbangWallopWot · 11/09/2018 09:28

@AhoyDelBoy has it totally right!

Honestly she'll have to learn in life not everything can go her way!

JammieCodger · 11/09/2018 09:28

Im very surprised at all the ’you’re the adult, you get to do what you want’ comments.

You are her parents. A new sibling arriving is the biggest upheaval most children will ever face, so act like a grown up and do what will make the transition easiest for her. Everybody, no matter their age, deals with change better if they’re prepared for it.

(And as an aside, my brother wanted a boy, wouldn’t contemplate that I would be anything else, and refused to interact with me for weeks when I arrived.

sobeyondthehills · 11/09/2018 09:30

When my mum was pregnant with me one sister wanted a brother, the other sister wanted a dog.

They were both disappointed when I came out, however 30 odd years on and we are all very close

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