Stop boasting about lie ins and holidays on retirement!

[malificent7]

Now don't get me wrong; my dad and his dp and most other retired people deserve a good retirement; I am proud of them but I do wish that they would stop laughing at my early mornings and hard work whilst boasting about lie ins, holidays and being able to galavant.

This is semi light hearted but aibu to be jealous?

@CurlsandCurves

I don’t really have an opinion on this. But it does annoy me when I’m arranging for DH to come and work for retired people and ask if he can start at 8am, a standard time for him to start. And I get ‘ oooh, that’s very early, we are retired, can he come a bit later? Bout 9, 9.30?’

So basically, you want him to lose an hours pay (because there’s nothing else he can do in that time) so you don’t have to get out of bed?

---------------------------------

@bluelady

But he chooses to start at 8am, his customers - you know, the ones who are paying him - want him to start later. Tough.

I agree with @Bluelady - the customers who are giving the man his living are entitled to ask him to come whenever they wish. THEY are the ones paying him. Moreover, some people who do not work (particularly disabled, and elderly, and people with kids,) struggle to get up and get ready to have people in the house at such an early time as 8am...

And I don't think 9am is too late a time to request. Good grief.

My mum used to go on about how she 'earned' her retirement.... Nope, a bloke working 9-5, retiring himself at 57- effectively paid for her to be living, as a widow when dad died aged 73, on £20k a year until her death aged 81. She'd done part time, 'pin-money' jobs during her lifetime.

The reality is that state aged pensions are now being drawn down from our own children's NI contributions, given that the cash our parents put in and the cash earmarked for our own retirements has already been spent on today's pensions.

I think the things that got on my goat was the barbed remark that I should be thinking of the family instead of doing shift work at weekends, because "everyone wants everything nowadays"- what like being able to pay the gas bill? While you and dad swan off to Australia eight times?

She was also never out of bed before 8.30am once dad finished work- which is fine, but everyone else who got up after 7am were considered lazy.

I had long holidays as a teacher but I didn't gloat. (I was too busy worrying about how I was going to finance said holidays.)

I had a friend like that Mili. She'd worked maybe 15-20 years in total and retired on the coat tails of her 3rd husband. Good on her, but the gloating got old so I let her drift off.

malificent- those types of well-heeled retirements are not an option any more for the vast majority of us.

I, too dislike the gloating. My BIL (66) who was a cabinet maker, does this, overlooking that he lived at home with his parents til he was 50, paying no rent but buying up rental flats and DH (imo opinion stupidly) giving his DB the family home upon the parents' close-together deaths- BIL then retired at 55, promptly sold the house and retirement flats and is now living in a retirement community, owns a huge camper van and spends his time on cruises, openly laughing at us.

Nice.

She also went on and on and on about wage slaves and how awful it must be. Someone finally shut her up with, 'You know, fortunately for you, some of us actually enjoy our careers and consider more than a life of malingering.'

Tillytrotter

An illness and a collection of letters? Care to elaborate?

I did years of getting up at 6 in the morning to get to work. I also had to get up and get the DCs to school and deal with everything that involved - exh was self employed and never got out of bed before 9.30. I've paid my dues so have no compunction about getting up later now I'm retired.

I've never laughed about my DD having to get up early, or her broken nights, so perhaps it's just your dad and his partner OP. I remember what it was like and it was bloody hard.

I'm not gallivanting about unfortunately, because like a lot of people my age my health isn't great and I feel tired a lot of the time - so shoot me that I have time to walk the dog during the day.

I'm lucky, I have a good standard of living but a lot of retired people have nothing but their state pension to live on, trust me subsisting on nothing but a state pension doesn't afford them a great deal of gallivanting.

I love being retired but it isn't all fun, fun, fun. Perhaps your dad envies you and the fact that you have a lot of life ahead of you and laughs at you to make himself feel better.

That all sounds a bit moany, sorry. I not moaning really, as I say I enjoy being retired. However, in your place I would find your dad's attitude and laughter very annoying too.

How you choose to feel about and react to other people's circumstances is up to you.

My Nan does this, but I have a 10 month old ds3 who has a load of issues and hasn't slept longer than 2 hours since he was born due to constant pain.

I'm pretty sure I have mild PND and am pretty over sensitive when people chuckle at my baby not sleeping. She just laughs when I saw I've been up since 4 "haha I wouldn't swap with you, I got up at 11".

No shit.

The thread seems to have moved on from the OP's dads good natured, tongue in cheek banter into the usual "people have got it sooo easy and we are going to have it sooo bad, it's just not fair."

Boring.

You seriously cannot blame your parents for the fact that you don't find your job and your life fulfilling.

I'm chuffed for my parents - they worked bloody hard and they have great lives now. They do a lot of lounging around, eating coffee/cake, volunteering and exercise classes, going out for meals - and good for them!

They did their years of long days, working weekends/nights/on-calls, early mornings and late finishes, childcare and all that. They deserve a rest. And I know they got no help from family either as both sets of parents lived abroad. So, you know what? Bloody good for them that they're both healthy enough to enjoy their retirements to the max.

I agree. My mum refuses to get out of bed before 8am in any circumstances. It's annoying!

Why? I mean, would you get up early if you didn't have to/want to?

If only I could get a lie in!
i retired in Jan 2017, but I seem to be at the beck and call of my family, think dog sitting, grandchild minding, laudry etc etc.
I am not moaning because I love them all very dearly and DS1 admits that he wouldn't have been able to cope during a very difficult year if it hadn't been for mine and dH's help.
I have friends who seem as well to be expected to childmind grandchildren constantly, even though these children get free nursery care (which was never available for their parents)
After years of getting up at 5.30 am and commuting for hour and a half I deserve a lie in even if it is only until 6am.

When I retire (c 2040 at this rate) I plan never to get out of bed til 9 in the morning. And then I will spend the morning pottering - no commitments til after lunch.

Anyone who doesnt like it can FUCK.RIGHT.OFF.

@Miljah

My mum used to go on about how she 'earned' her retirement.... Nope, a bloke working 9-5, retiring himself at 57- effectively paid for her to be living, as a widow when dad died aged 73, on £20k a year until her death aged 81. She'd done part time, 'pin-money' jobs during her lifetime.

The reality is that state aged pensions are now being drawn down from our own children's NI contributions, given that the cash our parents put in and the cash earmarked for our own retirements has already been spent on today's pensions.

I think the things that got on my goat was the barbed remark that I should be thinking of the family instead of doing shift work at weekends, because "everyone wants everything nowadays"- what like being able to pay the gas bill? While you and dad swan off to Australia eight times?

She was also never out of bed before 8.30am once dad finished work- which is fine, but everyone else who got up after 7am were considered lazy.

So your mother didn't care for the family, the home, and her kids, (including YOU,) and sacrifice a career she could have had, whilst your father was 'working 9 to 5 for 40 years?'

I have to say, you sound very resentful of your mother, and very bitter. Bitching about her 'part-time' pin-money jobs, and sniping at her holidays abroad, and bitching about how pensioners are being 'kept' now by the N.I.of younger people.

Does your mother know how much you resent and dislike her?

Personally, I don't give a shit if people retire early and enjoy it, because I have always been happy with my career and my life.

I think if I enjoyed my career then this would be a non issue for me. I hope that the next one will be more bearable!

What retirement?

I am part of the sandwich generation.

I care full-time for my grandchildren and for my frail elderly parents.

butterfly- hmm.

Nope, my mum never sacrificed a career for us, of that I can assure you! She was absolutely fine with leaving her FT job after 3 years to marry dad and set off into a life abroad of servants! Who looked after our needs!

And, frankly as was the case with parents back then, she was quite 'underinvested' in our lives, really. She did part time pin-money jobs but usually through the summer so from 8 years old, she was out of the house from 9-1pm every day (she stopped altogether at 55, a 9-12, three day a week job), leaving us to our own devices; she didn't attend a single parents evening at school (she had no idea I'd even taken A levels!), couldn't have named a teacher; never thought to approach school when my DB was being bullied, and left him at a school that all but destroyed his future chances. My college course was effectively free.

I think your assertion that I'm resentful and bitter rather extreme. It would be more accurate to state that she had no idea how 'managing' back then is a very different thing to 'managing' today. She felt my working 3 days a week plus at least one weekend day was me being selfish, not me paying the bills. She'd tut a bit about an un-vacuumed floor, overlooking that if you have 24 hours a day to yourself, you can get that sort of thing done! She'd wonder why I cared about which GCSEs my children were sitting!

I think, the greatest irritant was a certain smuggery about how she had earned it, as she sat, alone, in her £450,000 house, a house that had been bought in 1968 for 2.5x my father's annual salary as a middle manager, pulling in a £20k pa combined pension. Which is more than my 58 year old DB earns doing a 40 hour a week driving job!

I can, at least understand that my children stand to have a harder time of it than we do. They will be working to 70, they will have to accrue massive debts to get qualified, they will have to pay much bigger percentages into pension pots, home ownership will be beyond their wildest dreams, all in an increasingly impoverished land that the 70% of pensioners who voted for Brexit bequeathed them.

I won't be gloating.

I’m planning to retire at 60. I will have worked 40 years without a break (no DCs) and I can’t wait not to have to turn out on cold dark winter mornings. The next three years can’t go quickly enough. I won’t gloat though.

Seren Good for you. I think 40 years of continuous FT work is certainly an 'earned' retirement! But I do feel sorry for many of our DC who will leave college aged 22, with all its attendant debts, then work 45 years!

I may have to stop what I'm doing as I'm over 55 and the old body is finding the physicality of frontline NHS too much- and am about to try to help 2 DC through uni...!

Drives me mad! Lots of friends in NHS who have retired at 50 - not appreciating that most of us can't retire until 68!

NHS pensions kick in at 60, 55 for nurses.