To feel so down today?

[overwhlemed]

It's not even 7am and I feel like crap.

Brief back story.

Single mum
In thirties
Ex sees DD a couple of times a week
I work full time in a job a love.

I'm desperately trying to pay of about £5k in credit cards, all (little) extra money is being ploughed into that. I have to do it or I'll be paying them off for years.

It's so hard, I have hardly any extra cash, I need some new work clothes, I can only buy minimum food. I feel like life is passing me by. Everyone else seems to have families and plans and doing 'stuff'. I can barely scrape money together for bus fares. Financially things will get easier over the next year if I keep to my plan. I don't know, I just feel lonely and deflated. Watching everyone live their lives. Family live in another city. I have amazing friends, I really do. But at 7am with a while Sunday ahead of me, just me and DD (who I love so much). I just feel lonely and fed up.....I also have health anxiety which just seems to 'flare up' on days like this.

Rant over. Anyone got any advice? x

As someone who works in a library fantastic to hear people saying the library really helps them.

I hope you take a moment to feel proud of yourself OP. You're facing up to your debt and doing the right thing for your future - how many people do we hear about that just bury their heads in the sand and build up even more debt hoping it will go away? And you realise that what your daughter needs is your love and your time, not expensive goodies - plenty of people don't know that, sadly.

Totally understandable and honestly I think it's important for us all to acknowledge and accept down days sometimes. Don't force yourself to push through and be strong all the time but do remember that this too will pass eventually. You only ever need to do each day once!

Thanks for your lovely comments @Mrsr8. I will have a look at that website. Yes. I'm using the snowballing plan and tackling the absolute stinger credit card first. I will be teaching my DD about managing money for sure! I don't ever want her to be in this situation. Have a lovely Sunday. X

Would it be worth going bankrupt OP? places like Stepchange would be able to give you advise.

payplan helped us tremendously with debt and don't charge for their services. I second the option of the Crredit Union. I have been a member for many years now. Sometimes I could only save a pound a week, now I have a monthly DD to them. Their loans are really low interest, way better than the banks

Give yourself the credit you deserve for managing as well as you are! You’re making positive financial steps and you sound like a great mum!

Have you tried buying work clothes second hand on eBay? I pretty much buy all my clothes on there and recently bought a lovely smart barely worn Next work dress for about a fiver. I then resell them when I want a change!

When I was struggling financially I did a lot of online surveys.
I used To trade the money in for Amazon vouchers (or tescos when they did their Christmas deal) for Christmas presents for DD.

Wow, I am reading your post and questioning if I woke up early and posted on mumsnet. So many parallels!

I'm also a single mum in my 30s
Although Dd doesn't see loads of her dad and is a bit older than yours
I have a job I love enjoy most of the time and have been working all the extra hours I reasonably can to pay off credit card debt
Im also waiting on some compensation following a car accident

You're doing amazing if you're going to have paid off that debt in 18 months! It's tough having no fun money but you know it's not forever and it sounds like you're doing a good job of appreciating the free things in life.

My daughter is a teenager now (and quite happy to sit in her room 'chilling') but I remember well the feeling of a full day ahead with no money and no company and trying to make it fun. Bank holidays still make me go a bit cold!

Good plan on the crafty stuff. Baking, biscuit decorating, board games, snuggle and watch a DVD, go out for walk, face painting, nail painting, chalking in the garden/yard are the other things I remember doing at weekends. And you know what, even teenage dd still sometimes suggests doing a few of those things - they're still her happy/comforting things for us to do together.

I'm with you in being determined to get out of debt and stay out of it. We lived on so little when dd was younger and I was studying, and then the first few years of working I saved and spent wisely, but even though my income is more than it's ever been over the past 3/4 years my spending has spiralled a bit. So I'm cutting right back to basics now, getting myself out of this bit of a mess and never going back there again!

Keep going, you're doing a great job, and your dd will remember the time she spends with you and how it makes her feel more than anything you could ever buy her.

Does your ex pay maintenance and are you eligible for any tax credits? Just trying to find ways to increase your monthly income a bit. Any chance of doing an extra home based role in the evening to increase your income? Taking in ironing or casual home based administrator?

www.ten2two.org

Geocaching is a great idea - someone mentioned it above. It’s free and greT for getting kids out.
Hope you can have a good day. It always seems people are having a fab time on SM but not sure they are really!!

Hi @overwhlemed
I've kinda been in your position. When i was on my own and felt like that, I would try and achieve something so by the end of the day I feel like I've got somewhere! Something me and my girls would do; put some good music on and have a really good sort out of their bedrooms... sounds boring but they often find things they've lost, or stuff they haven't played with in ages. You end up with a lovely tidy room, which they enjoy being in more! Maybe do this then get out for a walk.
Maybe not everyone's idea of fun but always ended up being a positive thing for us. Xx

To add to the MSE recommendation above, go to the forum and find the debt free wannabe section. It’s the antidote to FB/instagram. Everyone on there is supporting each other in spending less and paying off debt.

Could you make a fun ‘treasure hunt’ game with dd - hunt around the house for old treasure like toys in good condition, clothes you don’t wear etc and sell on eBay?

@HPFA the library had been a godsend. I've discovered my love of reading again. It's some free and educational to do with DD as well. She loves getting books out.

Thank you I do feel glad I've taken control. Otherwise I would have just coasted through life making minimum payments and never really shifting the debt. I just know it's now or never.

@Rudgie47 I don't really wants to go bankrupt, the debt right now is manageable (by pennies) and it would be a real shame to set myself back another 6 years. I can totally understand how it might help some people.

I have a CCJ (that been fully paid several years and is marked satisfied on my credit file) that falls off in July 2020. The plan is to make sure all debt is paid off my then, the CCJ will disappear and I can start my deft free life! No more credit.

For future weekends look at your local museums. Many are free entry with free drop in activities too! I loved them when ds was young as libraries are closed here on Sundays.

People only show (on social media) what they want you to see. Going by social media My neighbour has an amazing life, brand new car and beautiful house, when the reality is her cars on finance which she struggles to pay, her house is on an interest only mortgage and she shagged her best mates husband on their wedding night.

Chin up, I think everyone has days like this, as you said things will get better Xxx

@dementedma thanks I'm definitely going to look at Credit Union. I'm up for anything that might help.

Thanks @ShannonRockallMalin like most mums I am doing my best. She's a good girl happy just to be playing Lego, or colouring in with me. I'll take a look on eBay, I work in a smart office and always make the best and looks smart. I'm just sick of wearing the same clothes all the time!

I just wanted to offer you some virtual support. It's hard when it's only you shouldering everything. I'm a single mum aswell and yeah some days are soul destroying. I also do online surveys and they won't make me a millionaire but it is a bit of extra cash. Not everyone gets on with them and you can be screened out a lot but it can give you a bit extra for treats or things you need.

Hi OP, I once went to an Open day at stepchange and the lady I was talking to said that often they could get peoples debts knocked down significantly in amount. Might be worth having a word with them regarding your options.
From what your saying your repayments are leaving you really broke. They are not supposed to do this so you can barely afford the basics.Also regarding clothes and thing ask on Freecycle if anyone has anything going in your size that's decent. Also look in cheap shops like Peacocks. I got a really nice pair of work trousers for £8.00.

A debt management plan can impact on your credit rating, but you don't necessarily have to go down this route. It's worth talking to the professionals because they may be able to give you some advice on approaching your creditors and negotiating with them on rates etc., which wouldn't count against you on your history.

I'd second the wannabe debt free group on MSE. I used it a few years ago (not for debt reasons, but was desperately trying to save up a house deposit). There's all sorts of practical advice to get you through; I got a great recipe for cauliflower cheese soup that did my work lunches for a week for under £1, that I still use today!

Thanks @Catspyjamazzzz - I hear a lot about surveys. I will take a look.

@neonrose wow very similar situations! Good luck with your plan, sounds like you are determined and motivated.

I agree, I spent all day cleaning the house/washing/ironing last Sunday. It felt sooo good and like I had some sort of control on things. I've worked for the last 6 days so could do with giving it a once over again today. Going though drawers in on my list. It's like a lost sock graveyard. I agree kids, just want your time don't they. My DD is easily pleased, which takes the pressure off! Once the compensation comes through it's going on debt, it would be a much needed cash injection and would definitely take some of the pressure off me, it would just help me get my head above water and help me carry on with the rest of the. The lady at my insurance company said it will be a couple of months b

...ooops pressed post..

Before it comes through.. so hopefully before Christmas....fingers crossed. And I agree about the BH. I half look forward to them abs half dread them.

@Airaforce - yes ex does pay child maintenance. And I do get some tax credits with pays for DD wrap around childcare and a small amount of working tax credits. For which I am grateful for.

If it wasn't for my debt repayments I would be better off. I got myself into this situation and I need to get myself out of it. It's my own fault.

I feel the same, it's so hard being a single mum with hardly any money so can't take them out as much as I'd like. Hurts even more as ex now has a new gf and they go out all the time for ( expensive) family days.

I also have MH probs and feel deflated most days but I have to have faith it will get better. Things will improve. Try and take care of yourself, exercise helps me a lot. Release those endorphins!!

You are lucky to have good friends, I have very few and they do t really understand as they have partners!

Sending 🤗 and 💐 xx