Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

5.45am and they're still up...

92 replies

looby1304 · 09/09/2018 05:48

Came back to my parents house today due to us having a family meal tomorrow. Mum was out, so stepdad and husband went to pub for a pint while I stayed in with 10 month old baby (not a problem so far). They rock in at half 1, husband comes bursting into bedroom to get his jumper so they can sit outside and carry on drinking, wakes me up. They are still there now.
Baby will be up in 20 minutes or so and I haven't been able to get back to sleep since.
I'm pretty sure I'm NBU to kick off when I take the bay downstairs shortly, am I?

OP posts:
FabulouslyFab · 09/09/2018 07:49

Don’t leave - please don’t punish your mum and dad just to score points off your DH.
Let others have said, put it in the bank for later.
Big Smile and carry on today

speakout · 09/09/2018 07:49

at least I've got one in the bank!

Is that any way to live your life and conduct a relationship?

Petty point scoring?

HermioneGoesBackHome · 09/09/2018 07:52

Xpost OP.

I agree at that time, no way he will look after the dcs or drive back home.
I personally wouod have one in the bank but I certainly read him the riot act AND start looking at the fa ivy dynamics, incl his involvement and feeling if responsibility for the dcs.
I would also remind him I am not taken for granted.

Probably will sound extreme BUT my experience is that it’s those ‘little’ things that are the symptoms of deep rooted beliefs about what is a father’s role and responsibility and I couldn’t now accept any behaviour like that.

HermioneGoesBackHome · 09/09/2018 07:53

Sorry it was supposed to be
I wouod NOT have one in the bank

Faez · 09/09/2018 07:55

Surely he must be pretty drunk by now, if he's been drinking for that long he's not going to sober up after only a few hours sleep.

confusedandemployed · 09/09/2018 07:56

speakout

Don't be ridiculous. It's not point scoring, it's equality. OP gets a night off in return.

speakout · 09/09/2018 08:01

confusedandemployed

It's not ridiculous.
" a night off in return"

WTF does that mean?

Trading disrespectful behaviour?

I have a grown up relationship.

I choose not to live with someone that behaves like a 19 year old.

DinosApple · 09/09/2018 08:01

I'd be pissed off if DH woke me at 1.30am and I hadn't got back to sleep.

Make sure you get a nap in too OP if you are driving home.

speakout · 09/09/2018 08:02

OP how does your OH intend to drive home today?

Boozing until 8am. he is not going to be safe to drive for quite some time.

Original poster
looby1304 · 09/09/2018 08:02

Speakout having one in the bank is more a figure of speech than a point scoring system, I actually have no desire to stay up drinking until 6am any time soon!

As for his father duties being questioned, he does his fair share so no problem there. Main problem is his choice of night to do it and the fact that he kept me awake doing it!

OP posts:
Original poster
looby1304 · 09/09/2018 08:03

I will drive home

OP posts:
easyandy101 · 09/09/2018 08:03

@speakout

you sound like a really fun person

speakout · 09/09/2018 08:07

OP where is your mother?

Is she aware of what has happened?

I imagine if her prize boyfriend is spending the day as dysfunctional as your OH then the catering and cooking will fall to her.
I would suggest the two of you and child go out for brunch somewhere, she can store are freeze any food she has bought and you take the car and go home afterwards.
Leave the two divets to sleep it off and come to a slow realisation.

Your mother is as foolish as you for tolerating this however.

speakout · 09/09/2018 08:09

easyandy101

You think I am not a fun person because I have self respect?

BitOutOfPractice · 09/09/2018 08:15

Op why didn’t you go and say something before 6:15? That does have a whiff of the burning martyrs about it!

Yanbu to be pissed off thiugh. I would be too.

Jeezoh · 09/09/2018 08:17

If it’s an unusual occurrence for him, I’d be mad still but chat to him when we’ve both had some sleep and agree “compensation” and that he won’t assume you’ll be the default parent while he stays up all night.

If it’s a regular pattern that you’re left to be the grown up while he does what he likes without making sure you’re both in agreement, then I’d be considering my options.

Hopefully it’s the former rather than the latter!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/09/2018 08:17

Sounds like they are having a nice time! Whilst I wouldn't be thrilled, I wouldn't let it ruin the rest of the weekend. Maybe let him have an hr or 2 sleep, then he'll wake up and pay for it for the rest of the day.

Original poster
looby1304 · 09/09/2018 08:20

Speakout she was out, went to bed when she came back and managed to sleep through it (bedroom is in different part of house). I have no doubt she'll also be pissed off when she gets up and sees the mess they've left! Not really a prize boyfriend either, try husband of 15 years.

Looking back I should have gone down earlier, hinds sight is great though isn't it. I'll leave him to sleep for a bit longer then laugh inside as he struggles his way through the day I think

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 09/09/2018 08:22

Is this really that much of a disaster? They were foolish. No one got hurt. No bad behaviour. They are going to feel loke rubbish today and not fit to look after children. If you make a mountain of this it could turn unnecessarily nasty. Be annoyed but salvage the day with your mum. Far worse things happen. If this is the worst he has done ai would cut him some slack.

museumum · 09/09/2018 08:25

How could you lie there from 1:30 to 6am being kept awake without getting up and saying something??? I’d have been raging! And I’m a very calm person normally but nearly five hours of being kept awake by my own husband - no way. I would even have been through to neighbours who kept me awake that long too.

easyandy101 · 09/09/2018 08:27

@speakout

I imagine the op has a fair chunk of self respect as well Confused

I was more commenting on the fact that most people are treating this, op included, in a fairly light hearted manner as its a rare situation in which an otherwise responsible and involved parent does something that is not terribly considerate and you're talking about running off home and fucking the day up for everyone to prove a point?

That's why

pictish · 09/09/2018 08:27

Just one of those impromptu nights I guess...they obviously found they had a lot to talk about and were enjoying doing it.
As you say, he does his fair share so no problem there.
I wouldn’t kick off and create shit...but I would state that he has left you in the position of having to take the flack while he sleeps it off for a while at least.

It’s not worth falling out over in any significant way. He owes you one and that’s all. These nights where they just unfold are the best nights. No real harm done.

ineedaholidaynow · 09/09/2018 08:27

So are you going out for the family meal or is it at your DM's? Who will be responsible for preparing it?

Original poster
looby1304 · 09/09/2018 08:29

We're going out for the meal with a lot of extended family so they'll really have to put on their brave faces Grin

OP posts:
pictish · 09/09/2018 08:29

“Your mother is as foolish as you for tolerating this however.”

How rude. Away you go, you uptight article.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread