Hello !
I’ve taken the plunge to join this site. I don’t have any kids but I actively read things off this site. However, I’m in a bit of turmoil over what I’ve done but feel it was the best decision.
This friend, let’s call her K, we’ve known each other since very early teens, we grew up together, when to the same schools etc. Even when we went to university, we still remained close, she was there for me when my sister died and there for other events.
Recently, something bad happened to K, her dad suddenly died and she was really in distressed. She invited, just the two of us, we were basically in a group, with my other friend ‘g’, to attend her dad’s memorial. They weren’t able to hold a funeral service as, because of religious reasons, her dad had to be buried ASAP but the memorial service was kind of like, well in her case, a funeral service but also celebrating her dad’s life.
When invited, I initially, I admit, told her that I would come but later on told her that I got the dates mixed up because I originally promised a friend I would attend her baby shower, I was basically the organiser, so I had to attend that and the dates and times clashed, in the end I couldn’t attend her dad’s memorial. She understood but I could sense she was upset... though, I assume, because our other friend, G, was going, it wasn’t so bad.
On the day of her dad’s memorial, speaking to friends K and G, they had a bit of an argument. Friend K was busy running errands, managing calls, and organising the last minute set ups for the memorial, friend G kept on calling friend K.... friend K said she was highly stressed and friend G was being trivial. Anyway, friend G kept on calling friend K, was asking her “Where are you ? I hate being on my own” (friend G was outside the building of where the memorial service was being held). Friend K replied “ I am busy running errands, wait for me outside of the building if your nervous to go into the service alone”. From that point , friend K said that friend G kept on calling her and she was already stressed out because her phone was on low battery, many people were trying to contact her regarding how to get to the service, she had to prepare the food etc. Anyway, friend G kept on calling and friend K answered, friend G said “ friend K, you told me to wear bright colours for the funeral, everyone is wearing black, I look like a fool”. Friend K thought this was trivial and said that she too was wearing bright colours... friend G then went on to say “where are you, I hate being on my own, you should be here by now, I’m just going to go”. Friend K said she was really stressed and hanged up. But later, friend G said she will wait for her.
After that, speaking to Friend K, she came back to the memorial service but couldn’t see friend G and concluded that she weren’t there and left, friend K said she didn’t even send a text to say she’ll be leaving.
Then all of a sudden, friend K sends angry messages to both of us, I’m assuming after the memorial service was finished. She said “you both are useless friends, you should of been there but you weren’t, I only invited the two of you to my dad’s memorial as we are all very close, but none of you were there, I’m diswppointed, friend G’s reason for not actually entering the memorial service was just an excuse....” and she said some other things. Friend K then blocked both me and friend G from calling her.
We kept calling her to see how she was, but as she blocked us we couldn’t get through. This was a week ago, two days ago, she texted me, and I asked her why did she block us and said those hurtful things like useless. She said the reason why she blocked us was because she knew we would call her and she didn’t want to say anymore hurtful things, so she decided to do that in order to calm down and she’ll talk to us properly when she was ready. She then apologised for saying those things but she was very disappointed that neither of us were there, she was on her own. I asked her, I don’t know why your angry with me because I told you I couldn’t make it but your not angry with your other close friend (she has another close friend T that couldn’t make it too). She said that was different because as soon as she invited friend T, she said she couldn’t make it due to childcare and lives two hours away, so she understood, but friend T was contacting her in the day of the memorial, asking her if she’s ok, wishing her the best that everything went well. I on the other hand, told her that I couldn’t come last minute, that if she didn’t remind me that her dad’s memorial was on such and such date , I wouldn’t of told her.
At the end of the discussion, I told her that I understood how she felt because I was very stressed on the day of my sisters funeral and friend G and I have decided not to be close with you anymore... well not be friends with you basically. I can’t take someone calling me a useless friend and I’m not going to take that, sorry. Friend K said she understands, that she apologises for what she said, it’s up to me and friend G at the end of the day, it’s sad but she has to move on and get on with life. I could sense she was upset and getting tearful, so K expressed my wishes that I didn’t want to ruin her night and ended the call.
AIBU to cut our friend K out of my life ? I can’t take someone calling me “useless”, I think it’s very abusive, with all the other things she said. It’s best for us not to be friends and move on from her.