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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To finally just leave them to it.

75 replies

HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 11:02

Dh invited a couple of friends over today but only told me yesterday they were coming. He forgot.
I have a disability and am not able to do very much in the way of cooking or cleaning.
If I'd known earlier I could have done little bits and pieces over the days with lots of breaks in between to get the house more guest ready.
The house is a state. Bins are full, floors need hoovered, shit needs put away in the right places, bathroom needs cleaned etc. Dining room table is covered with dh and ds stuff. Food also need prepared.
They are coming for lunch and dh and adult ds are still in bed. (10.55am) I got up an hour ago.
I've stuck the dishwasher on and made myself a cup of tea thinking I'll go for a shower in a bit.
Usually I'd overdo it by trying to tidy up but I'm done. AIBU to not even nag them to get out of bed?

OP posts:
agedknees · 08/09/2018 11:03

Your dh needs to sort the house out, not you.

Gardai · 08/09/2018 11:04

Leave it to him
Might make him think twice about inviting people over again without giving you any notice
Relax !

ShrodingersSturdyPyjamas · 08/09/2018 11:04

No, leave him to it. He invited them.

I'd go out to be honest, and leave him with the friends, the house and the kids. Assume that's what he meant.

TanteRose · 08/09/2018 11:05

Yep, leave him to it

Does he do this a lot?

TwitterQueen1 · 08/09/2018 11:06

Nah... have a leisurely shower. Get dressed and then - not sure how mobile you are but can you go for a little walk when the visitors are due? Or maybe get stuck into a book in another room Grin Grin

ThanksHunkyJesus · 08/09/2018 11:07

Good for you! He'll think twice next time!

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/09/2018 11:08

No, leave them, lazy buggers. Shower, dress, go out for a leisurely coffee with a book.

Don’t be their servant OP.

HollowTalk · 08/09/2018 11:09

I don't understand this. If I knew people were coming round I would've got up well before 10 am and if my husband wasn't up I would've forced him to get up. I couldn't have friends round if bins were overflowing and the bathroom was dirty.

happypoobum · 08/09/2018 11:09

I would go out for the day....

buckingfrolicks · 08/09/2018 11:09

The problem I would have with just leaving them to it, is I would (wriongly I know) feel that I would be judged by the state of the house. And that sense of being judged unfairly would make me angry.

So for me this would be a huge issue. I'd wake DH up and read him the riot act tbh.

Original poster
HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 11:17

@TanteRose
Yes, all the fucking time.
I became disabled a few years ago.
Before that I did all the house stuff plus work full time.
You'd think he'd have gotten used to the fact that his "maid" can't perform like she used to.
My adult DS is slightly better but I don't think I should be getting him out of bed on his day off to tidy up some more for our friends coming. He did a bit of cleaning yesterday without being asked and tidied up some of his stuff because of friends coming.
I asked dh yesterday what time he was going to get up today. He said he didn't know. I told him there were a few things needing done. He said he wasn't doing very much for them coming.
I won't go out when they are here as I want to see them. But I will just sit on my arse and let them get on with it. I am so done with this Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 11:21

@HollowTalk and @buckingfrolicks
Why should it be my responsibility to manage them?
I will feel judged at the state of my house but hopefully they will judge them for it not me Grin

OP posts:
stellabird · 08/09/2018 11:24

He invited people over / and is still asleep at 11am ? I'd go out and leave him to it.

HollowTalk · 08/09/2018 11:25

It's not your responsibility, ffs, but you're a family. If something needs to be done, just tell them to get their arses out of bed.

Unhomme · 08/09/2018 11:27

He's a lazy tosspot and you should leave him to it. Say you're sorry about the state of the house but DH only got up at xx time...

LoisWilkerson1 · 08/09/2018 11:28

I feel your pain but if he's still in bed he clearly doesn't care that the house needs done but ime, a messy house is always the woman's faultHmm We will hit real equality when that bull shit stops.

LusaCole · 08/09/2018 11:30

We will hit real equality when that bull shit stops

Yes!

wherethewildthingis · 08/09/2018 11:32

How come any adults are sleeping till 10am and beyond, do you all work late nights?

Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 11:36

wherethewildthingis

I’ve got a small baby and rarely sleep through the night. My husband does the weekend mornings and I often go back to bed until after 10 (if we don’t have other plans).

Getting up early is not a sign of moral superiority when there are no responsibilities that require it.

Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 11:36

And before children I loved nothing better than sleeping late on the weekend. It affected literally no one.

Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 11:38

OP - YANBU but I’d feel uncomfortable with guests seeing mess like that in my home so I’d have made it clear last night he gets up and cleans or he cancels. I wouldn’t be rushing about for it.

Singlenotsingle · 08/09/2018 11:38

It's too late now to do much about the state of the house. Has he bought any food to feed his guests with? He'd better take them out somewhere nice when they arrive, and treat you all to lunch out Grin

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 08/09/2018 11:44

How come any adults are sleeping till 10am and beyond, do you all work late nights?

You've never heard of people sleeping until 10.00 a.m. before? Seriously? Assuming you know that of course not all of them do 'work late nights', you can't think of any other reasons at all why they might so do?

WelcomeToShootingStars · 08/09/2018 11:46

I sleep in way past 10am at the weekend, because I enjoy it.

I'd leave him to deal with it as he made the plans.

LionsHeart · 08/09/2018 11:51

Go out & leave him to it.

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