Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To finally just leave them to it.

75 replies

HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 11:02

Dh invited a couple of friends over today but only told me yesterday they were coming. He forgot.
I have a disability and am not able to do very much in the way of cooking or cleaning.
If I'd known earlier I could have done little bits and pieces over the days with lots of breaks in between to get the house more guest ready.
The house is a state. Bins are full, floors need hoovered, shit needs put away in the right places, bathroom needs cleaned etc. Dining room table is covered with dh and ds stuff. Food also need prepared.
They are coming for lunch and dh and adult ds are still in bed. (10.55am) I got up an hour ago.
I've stuck the dishwasher on and made myself a cup of tea thinking I'll go for a shower in a bit.
Usually I'd overdo it by trying to tidy up but I'm done. AIBU to not even nag them to get out of bed?

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 08/09/2018 12:33

YANBU and your DH has been a dick OP!

I'm disabled as well and I've done the half killing myself to get things done,don't go it to yourself any more doing that has made my health so much worse and for what so someone won't judge when every other lazy sod hasn't bothered to help out.

I hope you enjoy a nice restfull day and catching up with your friends.

TanteRose · 08/09/2018 12:33

Also I regularly sleep until 10 at the weekend- bizarre that it’s something that adults are not allowed to do

Original poster

HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 12:36

I asked him last night what time he was getting up today. He said he didn't know. If he had said I would have given him a shout.

Progress is that he asked ds to get up and take the bins out (ds job.) He didn't get me to ask him or say "Can you take bin out for your mum?"

Dh currently chopping onions and sighing a lot

OP posts:

LeftRightCentre · 08/09/2018 12:36

I think he might be getting a bit panicky. He's asking if he needs to hoover.
I'm enjoying this far too much and don't know why I haven't done it before now.

Just go out! Do not coach them. I wouldn't have even taken the meat out. Stop facilitating this. Did you ever see that clip from the film 'The Break Up' where she does nothing for guests her partner invited? Go out, take your phone and download the clip on YouTube. 'You do as you like, your guests and all. I'm out for a coffee!' If he tells you to help you say, 'Nope. You invited them. I'll be back later.'

LeftRightCentre · 08/09/2018 12:38

Do FA! If he asks you to do something, tell him you don't feel well.

fuzzywuzzy · 08/09/2018 12:38

Twatface ex used to do this, his best was turning up with ten fucking friends I’d never met (apparently they were all terribly close friends) and never saw again after, and he expected a massive slap up banquet for them. They arrived at lunch time he hadn’t bothered to ring me and tell me or anything.

I told him the frozen meat was not going to defrost any time soon and I think he ended up ordering take out that time.

I hated him so much for doing that consistently I had a toddler and was heavily pregnant at the time.

Jaxhog · 08/09/2018 12:46

Your dh needs to sort the house out, not you.
HIs guests, he clears up for them.

ana18 · 08/09/2018 12:47

I don't think you should worry , your husband shouldn't do this to you under the circumstances and it's up to him and him only to tidy up !

I hope he does help you more then if seems on a daily basis even. You can't blame yourself for the place being untidy it's not your responsibility only but also his !it seems like your left with it .

If I was u I would stop doing any housework so maybe he can see how difficult it is for you as he needs to take responsibility himself

It's not just you filling the bin up is it ?

And this extra stress with short notice is unnecessary.

ExileOnMNStreet · 08/09/2018 12:47

I know you sound lighthearted here but your DH sounds of a bit of a cold hearted and unkind twat to treat you this way, as it doesn't sound a one off situation.

If he respects and cares for you, no way should he watch you half killing yourself to do stuff he should automatically be doing, or at least making an effort with and accepting its his responsibility too. Grown adults simply don't need "coaching and instructing". It's laziness not lack of knowledge. It's OK to just let him "get on with it" but the bigger problem is you are married to someone who needs to be left to get on with it, if that makes sense. It's really disrespectful to treat you this way and I am glad you are not accepting it.

MaryDollNesbitt · 08/09/2018 12:59

If I was visiting friends and the house was in a state, I would certainly not be judging the person with a bloody disability for said state. I would be judging your lazy arse DH all the way into next year!

Pop your feet up with another cuppa, OP. I'd start reading a rag mag online and yelling out the article titles

'Ooh, DH, did you hear that Robbie Williams and his wife just had another child? Oh, and that Khloe Kardashian's looking good after having her baby. Which one's Khloe again?! Ahhh, and isn't Simon Cowell's boy a little sweetie? Can you flick the kettle on, DH - my tea's going cold!' And so on . . .

It should be noted I have about as much interest in celeb nooz as I do in obtaining a fucking kidney infection, but I'd take a sudden interest in circumstances such as these

AlmaGeddon · 08/09/2018 13:00

It takes quite a bit of adjustment to leave things to others because you, as the female in the house, are traditionally held responsible by society for how clean the house is, how generous the food is. But once you are over the twinges of embarrassment life is better, fairer and easier. Stick it out OP there is no going back.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 13:14

I agree with exile. And I think he’s a lazy, unloving, wankbadger.

On top of that, disability or not, I couldn’t live with someone who just randomly invited (not close) friends around without checking what my plans were/if I minded first ALL the time. I wouldn’t like it, but I’d tolerate it occasionally, but not frequently. If he did it, he’d be cleaning, cooking, hosting...I only do that when I have a say in the invitation.

I’d make some very pointed comments while they’re at your place...’Sorry the house is such a state, I’ve been too unwell to do it and DH doesn’t seem to think he should’ etc.

You deserve better than this 💐

RandomMess · 08/09/2018 13:42

I have to say I was shocked he hadn't extended the common courtesy of checking that it was ok with you about mates coming over!

Pebblesandfriends · 08/09/2018 13:48

Very rude of him to invite without checking. I would have suddenly remembered that I had plans and gone out for the whole day.

ScabbyHorse · 08/09/2018 13:53

Do as little as possible. Put your feet up!

ohfourfoxache · 08/09/2018 14:31

I hope this teaches him a bloody lesson

BunnyCarr · 08/09/2018 14:43

I hope you're not helping the cheeky fucker, OP.
If I were you, I'd go out and leave him stew in it.
He sounds like a right twat.

Juells · 08/09/2018 15:31

BunnyCarr

Heil 😁

(not trying to be mysterious on purpose, just laughed when I saw the name. Bunny Carr used to host a quiz show that became famous for the dreadful answers. Random people from the audience would take part, so no pre-screening to check if they had any brain-cells.
Q. What was Hitler's first name?
A. Heil
Q. Where is the Taj Mahal?
A. Opposite the Dental Hospital
Q. What was Ghandi's first name?
A. Goosey Goosey )

KM99 · 08/09/2018 16:21

OP, what happened? I have visions of it being like an episode of Fawlty Towers and your DH running around like a headless chicken 😂😂

I hope you didn't get involved. Even in my fairly even split household (DH does most of the laundry, I look after the car for example) I'm still the one who likes a pristine house for any visitors. My OH is more laid back. I wish I would sit in my hands more in those situations.

HeebieJeebies456 · 08/09/2018 17:04

You posted a similar thread about the same thing a short while ago.
Advice is the same......leave them to it. They will only learn through experience

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/09/2018 17:50

How did it go, op? Did hilarity ensue?

Original poster

HappyHippy45 · 08/09/2018 20:20

Disappointedly it went fine. I'm bloody knackered though just from having people here and they stayed much longer than I thought they would. It was good to see them though.
Dh asking me how I'm feeling. He's now tidying up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher and asking if I need anything or saying maybe I should have gone and had a lie down when they were here.

He did say when he told me he'd invited them would it be ok for them to come down and sorry for forgetting to tell me.

I think he might have learned a lesson though. I did very well not to help with anything.

OP posts:

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/09/2018 21:09

You did! Well done op

ana18 · 09/09/2018 01:32

Well done 👍 hope your feeling better

BunnyCarr · 09/09/2018 03:30

Juells
Yes, Bunny Carr off Quicksilver and Going Strong on RTE, is where I got my name. Quicksilver was the weirdest show going.

There was a lot of rumours in the 80s that he allegedly fucked off with donation money for Gorta, but that was not proven.

Flip

1 2 3