To require DSs Father to hold my number and I his?

[TheresAlwaysAnAskHole]

To cut a terribly long story short, after years of friendship with my DS father, we have had a huge falling out. He has blocked and deleted my telephone number from his phone and refuses to have any contact with me.

I have tried mediation and he has refused.

I want my son to see him. He claims to want to see his son.

I won't allow any adult to take care of my child without being able to contact me and I him. I am an anxious parent and need to know if my son loses his phone whilst with his Dad, I can get hold of him. I need to know if there is an emergency, his Dad can let me know immediately without the delay of using a go between.

He will be here to collect our son in a few days but will not speak to me. I refuse to let him take my child without emergency contact information both ways. He is trying to imply this is me 'not letting' him see my son. He has the option to spend time with DS in his bedroom.

We are at a stalemate and I don't know how we will pass this.

It’s unlikely there’d be any sort of emergency where you’d need to contact him - but if so just call your son.
And as for exH needing to call you if there was an emergency while your son is with him can’t you just write your number down using pen and paper and put it in with your son’s things and just tell him where it is or if you get the chance say to your exH “in case of emergency my number is in the inside pocket of DS’s bag (or wherever you’ve put it).
I know you’re anxious but at 15 your son is really old enough for any emergency contact to be done via him.
Presumably you also have a home landline number that your DS knows by heart if anything were to happen.

Jeez I was thinking you might have had a point until you said your son was 15 - he's fifteen!!! If there's a problem he can call you himself or get the bus or whatever he does usually. Were you planning on him still seeing his dad Wednesday 5-8pm when he's 20? 25?

I think this is the OP who has a stand up argument in the street and then started shouting through the letterbox at the ex’a Pregnant wife

Haha perhaps you're right!

Still, who'd be able to support a 15-year-old on £20 a week, or whatever it is he pays? Perhaps the OP isn't controlling enough?

Oh dear OP. You are blocking contact and it's not in your sons best interest.

I agree £20 is a pittance so go through child maintenance and let them deal with it. Let your child organise when he sees his dad and don’t bang on about contact details with an ex who you want to control

If it is the Op who posted about shouting through the letterbox at the ex’s pregnant partner, the timing of suddenly going for more money after years of accepting less, stinks of jealousy and pettiness

I agree with StoorieHoose - let your 15-year-old organise all contact himself, I don't know anyone who who was still involved with the organising when their children were teenagers. You do need more CS though, £20 a week is taking the piss.

Oh this must be the pregnant wife argument in the street with a side of pizza. Honestly after all of that I am not at all surprised that numbers have been blocked. Your DS is 15. I don’t see a problem. This diagnosis he’s had, they must be giving him strategies for remembering his phone etc?

You need help OP. Proper medical help. This coupled with you last thread just shows how awful your controlling behaviour is becoming. You need to speak to your GP about your anxiety and anger. Controlling a 15 year olds relationship with their dad, threatening to move him to the M E to keep his dad a way and fighting, abusing and bullying a pregnant woman (because your jealous she's with your ex) is not normal.

In the kindest way this is about your DS who is now 15 (with or without PWM) and his father. DS should be allowed to sort the terms of his relationship with his Dad out on his own now while you step back. If DS is happy to see his Dad without you having a contact number then so be it. What are his thoughts about you holding out for a contact number? (which has been offered and rejected)

I think you are better my controlling too, even with your DS diagnosis , he’s 15, and will likely be off to college shortly? He’s going to have to take steps to be able to manage plans & be contactable then. I think you have to let this one go.
However the £80pm is taking the mickey if the CMS say he should be paying much much more. I wouldn’t compromise on this aspect. I think it reflects very poorly on him to ‘punish’ you about this.

Why do you always refer to 'my child' instead of 'our child'? Speaks volumes about your attitude.

"He is trying to imply this is me 'not letting' him see my son"

It is

And also, *"his son"

tillytrotter1

Why do you always refer to 'my child' instead of 'our child'? Speaks volumes about your attitude.

Blimey, there are some wonderful pc women in the world if they always carefully say 'our son'. I'm not a controlling person - the boot was on the other foot - but I would always refer to my children as 'my children'.

It's his life choice to not have you contact him in an emergency.

You can only deal with the things under your control.

It’s immature and makes things difficult but you have no real need for his number. If there’s an emergency for you then you can contact your son in his own mobile. If there’s an emergency with you son whilst with his Dad that requires you to be contacted then you will by emergency services. But that’s extremely unlikely.

He is his parent, so it’s not the same as him going on a school trip.

Just read your son is 15. You’re being ridiculous.

You sound worse with every thread.

I think YABU and I would think that if your son was five but at 15, YABVU.

The likelihood of a true emergency where you need to call your son whilst he is with his father, because it absolutely cannot wait until he is back with you is negligible. If there is an emergency when your son is with his father, then he has a phone that he or somebody else there can use to call you. This sounds to me like it is all about control.

OP, in three years your son will be an adult and can do whatever he legally wants. You need to step back. You also need to cooperate with his relationship with his father.