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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for bridesmaids

62 replies

jarhead123 · 07/09/2018 20:56

AIBU?

SIL is getting married and wants our daughter as bridesmaid (also having 4 others). DH has told me we will be paying for the dress as they haven't got much money. I said I thought this was a bit cheeky and that if you don't have much spare cash, you should have less bridesmaids so you can pay for their dress etc.

He thinks I am being a snob!

Who is U?

OP posts:
coconutpie · 07/09/2018 20:57

SIL is BU.

EmUntitled · 07/09/2018 20:58

YANBU traditionally bride pays for bridesmaids dresses. If they can't afford they should have fewer bridesmaids or choose cheaper dresses.
Have they chosen a dress and expected you to pay, or do you get to pick? If I were you I would say that if you're paying, you get to choose and then pick a dress which might be suitable for use elsewhere. Like a party dress, rather than a typical bridesmaids dress, so she can wear it again.

NotTakenUsername · 07/09/2018 21:00

Traditionally bridesmaids should offer and bride should refuse.

Pinkyyy · 07/09/2018 21:00

If you don't want to buy the dress then just politely decline. I wish I had done, I somehow allowed myself to be roped into being a bridesmaid in 2016 and bought a dress for £360. Even better is the fact that I was only asked to be bridesmaid because we were close as children and always planned to be BM for each other, we hardly ever speak as adults

puzzledlady · 07/09/2018 21:00

I think it depends on the budget - can they afford it etc etc? I paid for all my bridesmaid’s/groomsmen’s/flower girls outfits but we could afford it. They might not - hence what your husband suggested.

Leeds2 · 07/09/2018 21:00

When my niece got married, I paid for my 15 year old's bridesmaid's dress. Niece's mum (my sister) would've paid, but I thought it just helped at what was an expensive time.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/09/2018 21:02

The only time a bridesmaid should buy their dress is if the bride says “wear what you want”...you don’t pay for the dress otherwise.

HildaZelda · 07/09/2018 21:06

YANBU, your SIL is. When I got married I paid for my bridesmaid dresses, hair, make up etc. I've been a bridesmaid and had everything paid for too by the bride.

greendale17 · 07/09/2018 21:08

YANBU

I said I thought this was a bit cheeky and that if you don't have much spare cash, you should have less bridesmaids so you can pay for their dress etc.

^This

KC225 · 07/09/2018 21:08

Bride should pay for the bridesmaid. Or re think her budget and expectations

FelixTitling · 07/09/2018 21:12

Would your daughter like to be bridesmaid? She might be trying to include her the best way she can.

Speak to her about the dress and what her expectations are.

ILoveDolly · 07/09/2018 21:15

Difficult. My daughter has been bridesmaid twice and I paid for the dresses and shoes but then I considered it part of the wedding present

lalalalyra · 07/09/2018 21:18

Did the bride ask or did your DH offer? I think that also makes a big difference if it's cheeky or not.

noobs18 · 07/09/2018 21:20

I think under 18 year old the bride should definitely pay for the dress! I went 50/50 with my adult bridesmaids but they got to choose the dress and we agreed a max budget of £100. I would never ask someone to pay for a dress if they haven't chosen it/know they'll never wear it again and I don't think it's right to ask the parents of a child to pay for their dress

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2018 21:21

Traditionally, bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. We’ve always paid when the girls were bridesmaids.

sailorcherries · 07/09/2018 21:22

My sister has generously offered to pay for my bridesmaid dresses (4 including hers) but I would have paid otherwise. I let them choose style, fabric etc. I've told them I don't care about shoes so if they wear a pair they have then I'm happy or they can buy new (3 out of 4 want to wear converse or vans).
I'm paying for their hair, jewellery and so on. None of them enjoy having their makeup done/being made up so I've said I don't care whether makeup is professional but if they want it done they're happy to pay the £30

CherryPavlova · 07/09/2018 21:22

I can’t think of any occasion when the bride has paid for bridesmaids.

MyFavouritePlace · 07/09/2018 21:27

I paid for my daughter's dress when she was a flower girl for a friend. We'd gone shopping for it together and we went to the till and she asked did I want her to pay or was I OK paying for it. I also paid for new shoes and hair thing - I'm such an idiot!
She came to stay recently and gave me an old discoloured Christmas tree ornament in a water damaged box!

EK36 · 07/09/2018 21:28

I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses. I didn't have a large budget but wanted all my niece's and young cousins to be bridesmaids. I bought most of their dresses from BHS, one was a second hand monsoon dress for the youngest one. I paid for them to have their hair done and they got to keep their dresses too. Personally I think that if the bride & groom cannot afford to pay for the bridesmaids dresses then they shouldn't have any.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 07/09/2018 21:30

If you're going to tell people what they should wear then you need to pay for it.

Delatron · 07/09/2018 21:30

I’ve never heard of bridesmaids paying for their dresses. It is not a tradition at all.
Bride asks, chooses dresses and pays.

CripsSandwiches · 07/09/2018 21:30

Well unless you get to pick your own dress she should pay for it. That said since it's family - who you presumably get on OK with if I could afford it I would just buy it to help her out.

Kay2705 · 07/09/2018 21:31

Most weddings that I know and been part of bridesmaid paid for their own dresses.

xJessica · 07/09/2018 21:32

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses. My SIL was one of them. She asked me to be hers the following year and wanted me to pay! I'm maid of honour for a good friend and my daughter is a flower girl, and the bride is paying for the dresses.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 07/09/2018 21:32

I paid for dd's bm dresses.
£12 each from tk maxx and absolutely beautiful!!

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