Just that really? For the love of all that is good and holy can someone tell me their tips on how to deal with people who just go on and on at you? I’ve got one of those faces and people just seem to approach me out of nowhere and give me their life story. People say “she’s such a lovely girl” about me like I’m Mary Sunshine but, honestly, on the inside I’m starting to feel like a complete bitch cos while they are talking at me I’m just thinking “shut up shut up shut up” or “I don’t care”. I know I sound light hearted but, actually, I am beginning to feel like a horrible person and it’s affecting how I see myself. I think I’m just really burnt out and need to conserve my energy so I can give it to my work and the people who really matter to me in life but I seem to get people latching on to me and sucking all the energy out of me.
I’ve got a specific problem with one man who has started calling me and talking at me with no chance to get a word in edgeways. He also does this in real life and has an awful habit of telling me the entire contents of books that he has read, that I have also read but he still feels the need to mansplain all over again to me.We occasionally volunteer at the same place and I (stupidly) agreed to help him with a project. I am a freelancer and also teach on a degree course and at the moment I am working constantly with no time off and very stressed. He is aware of this. He emails to ask when he can call to discuss the project and today I made it clear I was going out with family and I’m very stressed and I could only chat very briefly. He spoke, non stop, for 20 minutes about himself, his holidays, his views on the world before I was able to say anything. I know exactly what the weather was like on every drive he was on and what the walls were decorated with in each room of the house he was staying in. I know all about the little steam train trip he took. None of this was about the project and I know this sounds so horrible but...I don’t care. I didn’t ask for this information. The time before this he was on the phone to me for almost an hour, pontificating at me, giving me all of his philosophy on life and laughing at his own jokes etc. I was so bored I genuinely wanted to cry. He doesn’t stop, just goes from one subject to another and he’s so passionate and enthusiastic about it all which makes me feel like a complete bitch when I don’t care. I just want him to get to the point so I can get on with everything else I need to do.
This evening I had to say, “look, i don’t mean to be rude but we are about to have our next course, please can you tell me what it was you needed to know?”. It turned out to be something that needed a one word answer and that could have easily been dealt with via email and he seemed shocked that I wanted to end the conversation once I had given him the information.
Before anyone asks he is neurotypical and there is no chance of him “being on the spectrum” or having an additional need. We’re both in our 30s, have known each other for a few years and imo we are very different with not much in common. I think he’d realise that if he gave me a chance to be myself. I’m quite confident but around him have no room to be myself. I’m reduced to just saying “mmhmmm, yeah, right, I know, great...” etc.
I just feel so sick of being talked at. It makes me feel totally invisible and like it’s perfectly acceptable to just offload on me and take up my time.
Trouble is I can’t work out if I’m just being really nasty and unreasonable or if I have a fair point. I also don’t know how to make it stop!
Have I just got to suck it up and accept it?