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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is/was/should have been on your pre-DC bucket list?

60 replies

HumbleCrumble · 06/09/2018 09:09

Sort of light-hearted...

DH and I aren’t quite ready to start TTC yet, but the first signs of broodiness are starting to creep in. We’ll probably want to start trying in a year or so. The main thing that’s making us hesitate is the “life as we know it will be over” fear, so I think it might be a good idea to make a list of things we’d like to do before we try for DC.

Un-child-friendly holidays are the obvious one but am I missing anything else? Is there something that you’ve found difficult to do with DC that you wish you’d done before?

OP posts:
actualpuffins · 06/09/2018 11:18

I didn't have and don't have a bucket list, pre or post child. I felt ready to have children when I did though, and had established myself enough and had generally got the most out of being young and single before I settled down. We had a last, easy, couples holiday when I was pregnant. The thing we didn't get to do, which we had been planning that year was go to South America, as I got pregnant straight away after we got married. Suddenly it didn't seem very important after all though.

MillieMoodleMog · 06/09/2018 11:41

I am grateful that I travelled extensively pre-DC, because for a few years post-DC holidays don’t really feel like holidays, just like your normal life but hotter and a bit harder!

But the main thing is spending time with DH. We married and had children within 3 years of meeting due to our ages. We are like ships in the night now and really miss each other. I wish we could have had more time together to just be a couple.

RatRolyPoly · 06/09/2018 11:59

Have lazy morning sex as much as you possibly can!!!

I don't think there's anything now with two kids that I really wish I'd done before, but I do miss lazy morning sex.

Oh, and drunken all-nighters. Pain in the arse that for the next 18 years one of us is going to have to be relatively sober at any one time.

Original poster
HumbleCrumble · 06/09/2018 12:25

MillieMoodleMog we've been together for 5 years but already sometimes have that problem thanks to different work patterns! I do try to make sure we actually do things together when we get the chance but will be sure to keep that up.

RatRolyPoly I'll inform DH that we need to fit in as much lazy morning sex as possible. Doubt he'll argue! Although the drunken all-nighters might spoil our appetite/capability for it...

OP posts:
PicaK · 06/09/2018 12:27

One of those naked photoshoots. (Because your body changes so much)

Maldives holiday in one of those bungalows in the ocean on stilts.

That's what i'd do if i could go backin time.

SpookyMuldersMum · 06/09/2018 12:31

Also I recommend you enjoy not pissing yourself every time you cough or sneeze Grin

Santaclarita · 06/09/2018 12:34

Also I recommend you enjoy not pissing yourself every time you cough or sneeze

This made me laugh so much. Grin

IronQuill · 06/09/2018 12:35

For me it’s gigs. Since I was a teenager (thirty now!) I’ve been a huge gig-goer, usually at least one per month but some months it can be 3-4, and most of them are around 200 miles away.

We’re hoping to TTC next year and finding the balance between enjoying ourselves doing what we want with our last year or two of no kids freedom, and trying to save too so we have enough in the bank for a baby buffer. I’m definitely making the most of it as I know when I have kids I won’t be able to keep up this lifestyle for quite a few years to come. It’s the thing I’m sure I’ll miss most.

LaurieMarlow · 06/09/2018 12:38

Apart from holidays ...

Going out for dinner in fancy places with cocktails/wine/pudding wine galore. Not caring how drunk you get. Hangovers are not even worth it after having kids.

Wearing a bikini. That's probably my biggest regret tbh. I thought my body wasn't up to stratch. It totally was.

Clothes shopping. Not worth it for a long, long time after having kids. Even if you had the time to do it which I don't

Any serious books you want to read, do it now. I used to be a phenomenal reader. I now struggle with anything that requires proper attention.

Liskee · 06/09/2018 12:38

Just spend as much time as possible just the pair of you, and make sure and spend plenty of time with your friends. Once you have kids it'll be a long time before you're just the two of you again for any sustained length of time, or you can just pop out for an after work drink or coffee on a whim with friends. Those wee spontaneous things are the things I get the pangs for every now and then.

JessieMcJessie · 06/09/2018 13:01

Watching good TV. You can binge watch stuff a bit when you have a baby, but as soon as they become toddlers they whine if you watch your own programme when they’re awake (and anyway I hear it’s bad form to watch telly when in charge of a child Grin) . Yes they do go to sleep early evening but if you are anything like us you’ll be too knackered to watch anything decent before needing to go to bed yourself. I can barely manage one episode of Bodyguard without falling asleep!

Also, spontaneous dinners and drinks out. Before DS, DH and I would probably go out for dinner 3 times a week, just deciding at the last minute depending on what sort of days we’d had at work. Obviously we eat together at home now (or take it in turns to go out to eat with friends) but we always used to have much better conversations when we went out.

JessieMcJessie · 06/09/2018 13:04

If you like craft/sewing/baking/fiddly hobbies, make the most of them now. I used to love sewing but the last thing I made was the curtains for my son’s nursery. I thought I might still be able to do a bit atvweekends or evenings but the reality is you’re either too tired or only have a short window free so can’t get really absorbed.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 06/09/2018 13:34

Nothing in particular, it's just the lack of spontaneity. Everything has to be organised and planned in preparation of going anywhere. So there's no spur of the moment meals or drinks out, cinema trips etc unless we're planning on taking all the kids with us.
And spending time together just us. We have our evenings together but it's while we're both shattered.

Original poster
HumbleCrumble · 06/09/2018 13:48

Also I recommend you enjoy not pissing yourself every time you cough or sneeze I will savour this piss-free time Grin

Thank you all for the replies, they're really helpful!

OP posts:
BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 14:17

I have some nude photos I took of myself when I met DH. So glad I have them as a reminder that I was beautiful once. My stomach is just a painful scarred flap of skin now.

BigBlueBubble · 06/09/2018 14:18

Also I recommend you enjoy not pissing yourself every time you cough or sneeze
I still don’t! I had a c-section though...

JessieMcJessie · 06/09/2018 15:57

Yes, cinema definitely falls by the wayside. You get a false dawn as you can go to baby cinema in the daytime they are under 6 months (baby-friendly screenings of films for grown ups) then you can kiss goodbye to seeing anything on the small screen for several years- because if you are paying for a babysitter you want to make the most of it and do something that lets you talk/eat/drink. I walk past 2 arts cinemas on my way to my local shops, I just gaze wistfully at their listings and make a notebook to find them online in a couple of years...

JessieMcJessie · 06/09/2018 15:58

I would not change my DS for anything that I’ve mentioned though...especially as I was pretty long in the tooth when I had him so had had more than enough time to live life to the full.

hodgeheg92 · 06/09/2018 16:05

I miss going on a day out where we can do whatever we want and not have a set schedule - these used to involve a very boozy lunch. There's something I really miss about coming out of a dark pub/restaurant, slightly worse for wear, and blinking in the sunshine. We're lucky that we have people who will babysit on an evening but currently only when the baby is in bed asleep already.

And spontaneity.

WhyBird2k · 06/09/2018 16:12

Visiting/staying over at friends houses! I feel that since having children my friends who don't have children visit us instead, I've never seen where they live!

Namechange202020 · 06/09/2018 16:14

This may not be your thing, but taking LSD with someone you love is an amazing bonding experience that can permanently deepen the love between you. That'd be something nice to do before embarking on 9+ months of sobriety and the relationship-testing pressure of a newborn.

Allegorical · 06/09/2018 16:17

Sitting in nice beer gardens in the sun and just taking your time over everything.

Sitting in nice pubs/ cafes with big comfy seats and a big pile of papers/ magazines and a glass of wine/ coffe dependant on the time and again taking time over everything.

Country walks with a pub enroute. We did loads of those and I miss them. Still do walks but generally on pram friendly trails and no relaxing pub at the end/ more like a picnic/national trust cafe.

We did the Maldives honeymoon and so glad we did. It was epic!

Lots of citybreaks in lovely hotels.

Any diy that need doing on the house. Get it done now. You will never get around to it post kids.

ethelfleda · 06/09/2018 16:22

Travel the world. And we did it Smile

Allegorical · 06/09/2018 16:23

Oh yes and make sure you do as much of most of the above when you have your first newborn. You still have a lot of the same freedoms pre toddler stage. Make the most of that. Don’t go to centerparks when your first is under one like we did because we thought we needed to. Keep going on citybreaks etc whilst you still can. I worked this out towards the end of mat leave and managed to get in a few three course meals in lovely pubs/ restaurants while the the first was asleep in the pram.

powershowerforanhour · 06/09/2018 16:27

Get drunk and incapable together.