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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what is/was/should have been on your pre-DC bucket list?

60 replies

HumbleCrumble · 06/09/2018 09:09

Sort of light-hearted...

DH and I aren’t quite ready to start TTC yet, but the first signs of broodiness are starting to creep in. We’ll probably want to start trying in a year or so. The main thing that’s making us hesitate is the “life as we know it will be over” fear, so I think it might be a good idea to make a list of things we’d like to do before we try for DC.

Un-child-friendly holidays are the obvious one but am I missing anything else? Is there something that you’ve found difficult to do with DC that you wish you’d done before?

OP posts:
HollyGoLoudly1 · 06/09/2018 16:29

A practical tip - I wish I had got in better physical shape before TTC. I've never been much of a.gym bunny + carried a couple of extra pounds stone. Wish I'd been fitter at the start and it would have made the pregnancy a bit easier to deal with.

I also wish we'd saved more money but think that's a bit 'how long is a piece of string', no matter what we saved I would always be more secure if we had a bit more.

Definitely anything drunken - gigs, nights out, boozy weekend lunches... make the most of them!

Seeinthedark · 06/09/2018 16:33

We had a couple of holidays together but it would've been nice to have travelled a bit more.

Would've also been nice to have bought a bigger house, but I wasn't thinking about kids when we bought our little house.

Agree with pp about wearing a bikini also.

Make the most of going for meals. Dp and I used to go for meals once or twice a week. I refuse to set foot in a restaurant with ds at the moment.

usernamenamename · 06/09/2018 16:36

I really miss doing stuff without being on a time limit all the time.

jellyelly · 06/09/2018 16:38

Enjoy the ability to go out spontaneously without having to make complicated baby sitting plans - we used to just pop out for last orders at our local quite frequently, or decide to go and see a film last minute. It doesn’t sound like much, but I do miss it. Only about 5 years left to go until we can do it again!

Wispaismyfave · 06/09/2018 16:47

Yep lots of nice child-free holidays to places you know will be impossible for the next few years.

Meals out in peace. Go to the fancy restaurant, you won't be welcome soon.

Nice furniture and carpets? Just admire them in their current untouched un stained state. They won't look like that very soon. Maybe take pictures to remember them.

Lots of uninterrupted sex at any time of day. Well you'll be ttc so yeah I'm sure that's a given, but enjoy it because once you have kids that'll be a distant memory!

And yes the sneezing thing, enjoy it and trampolining. It'll never be the same again Grin.

Can't say I'd recommend you take up using class A drugs (did someone really suggest that up thread????) 🤔. I must be getting old.

peachgreen · 06/09/2018 16:50

T R A V E L.

Daytime drinking. Morning sex. Lie ins. Spontaneous adventures. Theatre. But mostly T R A V E L.

mindutopia · 06/09/2018 16:53

Lots of travel to all the places you wouldn't take a baby (we backpacked around South Asia), weekend breaks away with nice meals out, boozy lunches, nights out with friends and staying over visiting friends (much harder to do when you suddenly have to pack 4 of you to a guest room and your friends don't have kids and you have to tiptoe around and not wake them at 6am), date nights out, go try out restaurants you've always wanted to go to, lie around in bed and do nothing all day. We did lots of that before we had our first and it really made a difference I think in how manageable the transition was.

cmlover · 06/09/2018 16:58

travel... that's what ibwish I had done before dc

my bucket list now, in particular order.

go see the northan lights, stay in a igloonfor one night, the rest a log cabin.

to do a safari in Africa, stay in tree top hotel and feed the giraffes.

eat brunch in a non touristy cafe in parish.

go on a cruise

spend a week in a nice hotel and order room service

take my kids to Disney land

be a corpse on criminal mind and a zombie in walking dead.

I'm sure there's more

Conkernudge · 06/09/2018 16:59

We did Vegas, including the casinos then hired a motorbike and drove around the Grand Canyon. I highly recommend both!

SossidgeRoll · 06/09/2018 17:13

Sweeping a pile of dirt up with the broom and NOT having someone immediately walk through it. I didn't appreciate the luxury of time taken to get the dustpan.

That's my number 1.
Number 2 is Class A drugs.

AnnabelleLecter · 06/09/2018 17:19

We did lots of luxury holidays to far flung destinations.
Bought a house and overpaid as much as possible.
Had put almost one wage away in savings and pensions each month.
I had a two seater sports car.

Vanillaradio · 06/09/2018 17:27

Now ds is 4 I am finding some things are coming back to me. (sleep mainly!)
But still miss:
Lazy Sundays, early morning sex and a long brunch in a nice cafe with Sunday papers.
Having the energy and ability to do much in the way of hobbies or even reading on a weekday night.
Leaving the house without effort without having to nag someone to put their shoes and coat on/ check you have a change of clothes/mountain of stuff dependent on age of child.
Being able to finish work at a time that suited me and being able to hang around town after instead of rushing back to pick ds up.
Going on the big rides at theme parks rather than taking ds round Thomas Land/Peppa Pig World etc.
Travel is one of the things that has started to get better again- ds loved going on a cruise this year and he can now cope with a bit of sight seeing etc if we mix in child friendly stuff.

museumum · 06/09/2018 18:48

Just chilling out. Even so called “relaxing” “me time” (boak) is on a timed these days. I’m incapable of wandering or browsing now - I stride everywhere and shop like supermarket sweep (even in boutiques). Sigh.

sulflower · 06/09/2018 20:17

I too would definitely recommend a Maldives holiday in an over water bungalow. We don't tend to go to the same place twice but made an exception for the Maldives. We did it post kids though! My number one thing would be to travel to as many far flung destinations I could fit in and afford. We have always lived for our holidays pre kids, with kids and now they are grown up, post kids.

AndromedaPerseus · 06/09/2018 20:25

Go on lots of long haul holidays and trips. Flying with a child under 7 is not fun or relaxing

Thebasicweegie · 06/09/2018 20:32

Go on a nice holiday and enjoy being just the 2 of you.
Go to the cinema! We have been twice in the 2 years since my little one was born.
Lie ins and morning sex.
Have as many boozy nights out/in as you can before you fall pregnant. We really miss sharing a few glasses of wine and listening to music on a Friday night and chatting shit to each other.

Stickybunfighting · 06/09/2018 20:37

I wish I'd bought more stuff I would still have- beautiful handbags, Uggs (always been a comfort over style type!), the All Saints leather jacket I was hankering after. I 'couldn't afford' to buy them then but I could, I just didn't want to pay that much, I didn't justify it to myself and wasted it on stupid other shit. Now I'm part time in the same job so earning half and I technically still could, we're very lucky and not living hand to mouth but I wouldn't, I would rather spend money on my children for them to have shit they don't need things.

Stickybunfighting · 06/09/2018 20:44

I forgot to say- it depends on what you like now! I don't miss holidays because I don't like them but if you do as pp's have said above- the holiday of a lifetime. I hate the cinema, but if you love it do that as much as you can.

WithTwoGiantBoys · 06/09/2018 20:49

Lying in bed reading until 1pm then pub lunch on a Sunday. Every Sunday until you have kids. Haven't done this for 11.5 years. Ds1 is 11.5....

Visiting museums or galleries or nt places and actually looking at stuff, reading labels etc. Now it's a dash through on the way to the play area/cafe. Ditto gardens.

widget2015 · 06/09/2018 20:54

Meeting my dh after work for a couple of pints just because I fancy a drink rather than because I organised a babysitter weeks before....

Mingasauros · 06/09/2018 21:13

Things I took for granted before;

Just leaving the house with keys/wallet/phone rather than a massive bag of nappies/snacks/entertainment

Stepping off raised kerbs rather than having to find a dropped kerb for the pushchair

Only having to wipe one bum

MinaPaws · 06/09/2018 21:55

While you have the money and time to spend on yourself buy some really good classic clothes that will last you, as you'll be in scruffy leggings and puked on tops for a while, and then unless you're well off, too broke to buy from anywhere finer than H&M or Primark. It took me eleven years to be in a position to afford some good cashmere sweaters, a grown up handbag (not designer, just well made) and boots.

I agree about gigs, theatre, lazy mornings in bed, brunches etc, and doing stuff on the spur of the moment. Some babies are easy going and you can just head off with them, but if you get one who is colicky or has reflux or shouts a lot then you have to plan outings around nap times and feeds.

I'd go on an adventurous holiday too. DH and I didn't travel abroad with DC until they were 8 (except for Eurodisney) as DS2 was quite unwell for several years and we didn't dare be too far from hospitals. I was absolutely craving some real travel by the time DC hit their teens, but at least we had some good adventures to reminisce over.

That all focuses on what you can't do. Don't underestimate what you can do. They give you a perfect excuse to head for fairgrounds and steam trains and corn mazes and circuses and Easter Egg hunts, to go sledging and build snow men and snow forts and paddle in rivers, build dams and dens, climb trees, have water pistol fights etc etc. You'll have a brilliant time with them, just a different kind of brilliant time.

HumbleCrumble · 06/09/2018 22:04

Lots to think about, thanks everyone!

I'm not always great at expressing myself so was a bit unsure about how to say this to DH without seeming negative/overdramatic (we need to LIVE before our LIVES are OVER!!! etc). These examples will definitely help Smile

OP posts:
babysharksmummy · 06/09/2018 22:11

Gigs, pubs, traveling, morning sex, loud sex, appreciating my body when it was actually slim instead of thinking I was huge at 9st and 5ft 7...
Did them all apart from the latter but wish I had done them more Grin there's always my fifties and sixties! My parents are doing them all now (totally not talking about the sex bit here... Of course I know nothing about that Grin) they raised three kids and my baby sis has just left home so they totally deserve holidays every six weeks, midweek gigs and nights out every week!

eurochick · 06/09/2018 22:22

Travel, eating out, cinema, concerts, festivals, couple time, lazy weekend afternoons in the pub...

wistful sigh