Bloody OUTING on MN

[Sleepyslops]

AIBU to get annoyed when I read a thread which comprises of the OP whinging about something, but then stating they can't say what as it's "outing" or they state they have nc to prevent them being outed. It's like some weird, paranoid, mn tin foil hat crap.

I get the caution too, I identified someone I know IRL on here from a single post about a hobby we share. It's not an unusual hobby at all, but the specific thing she said about our group gave the game away. It's definitely her, other posts I've seen subsequently all confirm it. Not that it probably matters. I've never seen her post anything contentious or personal, but still.

I'm actually quite cautious about not outing myself now. When DH and I were going through some serious marital issues he went back through all my posts to find things to use as ammunition against me. He could even track me through name changes as there were often things that were unique to me in each name change, plus he recognised my writing style. For a long time after that I name changed every few months, changed the age and sex of my DC, picked random locations to live in and let my grammar and spelling go a bit wonky. (The grammar and spelling thing probably annoyed loads of people, but rest assured it annoyed me more.)

I'm a bit more relaxed about it now that DH has pulled himself together, but if things had continued to go downhill I would have become extremely cautious about any details at all on MN. And DH was never dangerous or abusive, just self-centred, so I imagine anyone with a connection to an abusive person would be on constant guard not to reveal much about themselves.

Iv not read the full thread yet but I think a lot of people wouldn't actually mention the name change (they would just do it and start the thread) but these days if they don't point out the fact that they are a regular who deliberately changed their name then they get a load of posters calling them a troll and name searching them going "hmm funny how this is your first ever thread, I hear the clacking of hooves here wink wink"

I was outed by a thread I posted on MN, I have subsequently regularly name changed & will again after this.

It was a friend (hi) of my now thankfully ex-MIL who then showed her the thread (about a family issue). Said friend then also found all my other threads - some of which included the issues I was having with DH.

Ex-MIL took it upon herself to show my DH which helped along the end of our marriage.

I am now very careful what I write! Learnt the hard way on that one.

I recognised someone from their (innocuous) posts on here and we both live in a small village. I asked her if it was her when I bumped into her and she 'confessed'. So just pointing out that you can sometimes ID someone quite easily from their posts

I don't get announcing a name change? So what if it's your first ever post on mumsnet - does that mean people won't care about your post as much? You won't get the same level of advice from people unless you were here for penis beaker?? I find it a bit elitist if I'm honest.

@cricketmum84 if you dont say you're a regular with a name change, then you are thought to be a troll, and then you have to wait for MN to verify you

I frequently name change, and I’m too knackered making up some fantasy MN profile for myself for any hobbies! Oh wait....

Why do you object to people name changing because something is outing? I don't see how it harms anyone.

My DH plays netball, is that too outing? It's a bit of a minority sport for blokes.

Mind you, he does put it all over Facebook.

Well it doesn't harm anyone if your just posting about wallpaper and recipes etc but most people are looking for advice on issues they don't really want to talk about in real life

It’s very easy to ID people from their posts. Banal, generic stuff like your favourite food or your kids ages or what boxset you’re currently watching all builds a picture. If you post stuff like that, someone picking up on one single post that describes something more specific to you then going back through your history is all it would take to out you.

As for things like hobbies, there’s a lot of niche things that not many people do. For example I know someone who builds miniature antique furniture replicas as a hobby. Not wildly interesting, but paired with the kind of background info that gets shared here, it has the potential to be extremely outing.

I was happy posting about anything and everything in what I thought was an anonymous forum. A thread I started was shared on FB by MN and was picked up by a newspaper. It gave me hebegeebies and made me think differently. I name change every month or so now.

Can't mention perfectly average hobbies like golf, running or cycling is a bit strange but by the same token that's what the hobby usually is.

Love silence and outing as hobbies 🌟

YANBU. It's almost as annoying as someone posting "So upset" in Facebook, without giving details.

R U OK hun?

Attention-seeking nonsense.

Like this kind of thread?

We've given our new baby rather an unusual name. Whenever we tell someone the name, they look at us in shock. Should I change the baby's name?

What's the name?

Can't say. It's too outing.

Queue seven pages of people either guessing the name or asking what the name is.

🤦‍♀️

This is making me want to name-change. That wasn't an announcement.

But srs if you're going through stuff in RL and can mention it online, anonymously and find support I think that's brilliant. The insight and support on here can be amazing. In my case it's ex-in laws and snooping peeps, and one bf who remind me how easy it is to be stalked or outed because he did, quoted my posts back! So I will continue to do so, I thank you.

I get why people name change when they're going to post something potentially outing, but sometimes I go all hot and cringy when an OP is complaining about a family member in case they're on Mumsnet too and recognise themselves. I just imagine the next family gathering where the complained about is side eyeing her sister because she was moaning about her wedding on Mumsnet. Like, you can still be recognised even if other posters can't trace back and find out about your persistent piles and how often you change your sheets.

Sorry I misunderstood your post gersemi

I can understand where intimate details are involved or if it is in a small community, but it is overused.

Maybe there is a wish not to be quoted in The Paper that Supported the Blackshirts as well.

I've been spotted on here before (hi, Rachel!) which didn't bother me, but if I wanted advice about an STI etc (I do not have one, Rachel) then I would probably want to name change.

I think if you're posting something sensitive then it's a good idea to name change first and alter small details.

Remember that thread about the PIL sending the OP a bill for a broken glass? It ended up in the Daily Mail.

If the OP was smart then hopefully it was actually a broken plate or something and the price was changed slightly.

Name-changing is understandable. Just don't post "Well this REALLY INTERESTING thing happened but I can't tell you about it because it's SO OUTING."

Rachel sounds like a biatch.

Rachel sounds like a biatch.

No, in fairness she's a massive blabbermouth, but so am I, so I can't really point the finger!

Agree actualpuffins, like checking into hospital on social media, then after worried enquiries saying you don't want to talk about it.